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Song Parodies -> "Lug Things Like A Mule"

Original Song Title:

"Love Me like You Do"

Original Performer:

Ellie Goulding

Parody Song Title:

"Lug Things Like A Mule"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part of my "50 Shades of Pop" self-challenge. There are mean reasons why an adventurer might want a partner - backup in a fight, sacrifice fodder, a quick bonk...but this guy just gets used as a living inventory menu.
I can't lie, I don't like
How you treat me like a-a putz
Can do more, I've been trained
To kick all the arse, ca-an I do su-uch?
All you let me-e do is hold your stu-uff
That su-ucks
What's the deal? I can't bear
Cause this load is far fro-om light
Can't you see you're an arse?
Can do more than haul you-our loot from fi-ights
This is doi-ing damage to my spi-ine
Not ri-ight

I lug things like a mule, lu-lu-lug things like a mule
More that I can do, mo-mo-more that I can do
Not your damn pack mule, no-no-not your damn pack mu-ule
Sick of the way you hoard

All your shit drags me down
I can't keep up when you-ou hike
Up the mountainous cliff
To defeat whateve-er beast's insi-ide
Then you whinge about how you're so ti-ired
You're tired? What
How did that leave your fa-a-ace?
Can't you see how I bra-a-a-ace
Against the wall thanks to all your spare armou-ours, dork?
Don't need this crap, I'm su-u-ure

Lug things like a mule, lu-lu-lug things like a mule (like a mule)
There's more I can do, the-the-there's more I can do
Than holding your loot, tha-tha-than holding your loo-oot
Why do you have to hoa-oa-oard?
Lug things like a mule, lu-lu-lug things like a mule (like a mu-ule)
So much I can do, so-so-so much I can do (yeah-eah-eah)
Hold your own stuff, douche, ho-ho-hold your own stuff, dou-ou-ou-ouche
My legs can't take no mo-o-o-ore

I know I get good pa-a-ay
You saved me twice toda-a-a-ay
But for once can't I be the one swinging the-e sword
While you carry your hoa-oard?

Lug things like a mule, lu-lu-lug things like a mule (like a mule)
I've more than one use, I-I-I've more than one use (yeah-eah-ee)
Spend my cash on shoes, spe-spe-spend my cash on shoe-oe-oe-oes
Right through, they're always wo-o-orn
Lug things like a mule, lu-lu-lug things like a mule (like a mule)
One night, might ditch you, o-o-one night, might ditch you (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Sell your stuff, cause you, se-se-seell your stuff, cause you-ou (ah-ah-ah)
Won't let me rest, I'm so-o-ore

Ah-ah, oh-oh

Apparently this is a common use for followers in Skyrim. I wouldn't know, mainly because I don't wanna have to deal with their small sample of flavour lines and bad habit of dying. Also experience-hogging.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   13

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