Oopsie, this has been the worst friggin' day
Blame's on me, so many red flags on the play
I had hoped that this would bring a smile to your face
But your roast, the roast of you was an insult train

When I went to put the call out
See who wanted to riff on you
They had problems recalling you (hey)
But I dropped in incorrect clues
"That guy who ran into walls
Because he was not awake"
Not quite the best move to make (hey)
When the piss out of you, they'll take (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

No shock it went to hell when they got on the stage
Classic "I'm just joking" excuses were made
A bright red, your face was turning
Like mine was turning

Whoopsie, not the best gift for a birthday
To have these assholes mock you right to your face
I had hoped the first was the worst, wasn't that way
So your roast, the roast of you was an insult train
Happy to accept the whole of the blame
Because these jerks would not have showed up today
Stayed at home but I gave them an invite, ashamed
That your roast, the roast of you was an insult train

After their first nasty joke
I should've shouted to reign it in
Worried they'd rant about my skin (hey)
How both it and yours are real thin
Oh-oh, so I let it be
Of course, it just got worse
Long string of awful words (hey)
Seems most old school friends are jerks (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Oh geez, swear I didn't plan it this way (ooh-ooh (whoo), no)
They're so mean, internet will make "strawman" claims (ooh-ooh-oh-oh-ho-oh)
"They're just jokes", wouldn't say if they were in your place (oh-oh)
'Cause your roast (oh, oh), the roast of you was an insult train (oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
With each new asshole, I feel so ashamed
Wait, I see people that I didn't okay
Did they go and bring all of their douchiest mates?
Man, your roast, the roast of you was an insult train

An awful roast, an awful roast
An awful roast, guessing that you hate me
An awful roast, an awful roast
An awful roast, no shock if you hate me
You seem somehow calm and pleasant

You seem somehow calm and pleasant, not crazed (oh-oh)
Like I'd be, not what I expected, okay (oh-ooh-oh-oh)
Thought at most, you'd block my ass forever in shame
Since your roast (the roast of you), the roast of you was an insult train
I see (I see), might've jumped the gun here today
'Cause you seem unperturbed, a smile's on your face (na-hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Man, I hope you're not planning to decapitate
'Cause your roast (your roast), the roast of you was an insult train