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Song Parodies -> "Guidelines"

Original Song Title:

"Headlines"

Original Performer:

Drake

Parody Song Title:

"Guidelines"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my Pop Danthology 2011 self-challenge. It's always annoying dealing with that one swot who insists on following the rules by-the-letter. Even in the less...conventional professions...
You're givin' way too damn much prominence to official documents
Here's a little tip, you schmuck: most of it's friggin' common sense
Stop bein' a picky little shit, put down that omnibus
Way too many times I've seen rule sticklers show incompetence
So don't follow the map, won't be needin' that
It just slows us down with constant ref'rencin', man, I hate that
Ev'ry other second, gotta stop, dude, stop doin' that
Protocol can jam it up their ass, work better without that
The rules say that my hair must be trimmed? No real reason for that
Tuck it in my balaclava, it's as easy as that
Not the one provided? The ones we get issued are black
The best camo colour's dark blue, that rule's dismissed, it's whack
No-o, won't do it (ay) I'm not stupid (ay)
I use my brain to thi-ink, for that I'm well suited (ay)
You may have got the rulebook, but I say just toss it
Don't have time to recall all of that damn nonsense, gotta go with the flow

The flow, the flow, the flow
The flow, the flow, the flo-o-ow
The flow, the flow, the flow, yeah, the flow, yeah
Don't care if you've memori-ised ev'ry single line
You really need to learn to improvise, you should go with the flow
The flow, the flow, the flo-o-ow, yeah

Should stop puttin' that rulebook over ev'rythin', it could cost our lives
If you go through tactics when guards come at me
"Look like beefy, punchy guys? Then see figure 5"
If you looked up, you'd see, mate, they've got capped knees
I got 'em with my nightstick, better move
Cause they managed to call for backup dudes
I could've fried their walkie-talkies, true-ue
But I have to friggin' hold your hand through your first robbery, sweet crap, you're a n00b
We don't get paid for followin' a million
Outdated rules about how to pick locks and best stay hidden
Our paycheck's dependent on gettin' inside the damn buildin'
Then gettin' out with what we came for with no dead civilians
You know that I ain't gonna follow that crap
Yes, I'm memorised the rules, came at the top of my class
But I'm tryna teach you it ain't always solid like that
Gotta wing it with some places, get it through your head and sway with the flow

The flow, the flow, the flow
The flow, the flow, the flo-o-ow
The flow, the flow, the flow, yeah, the flow, yeah
Really helps to improvi-ise cause you're gonna find
That normal people are not clones, that's why I say go with the flow
The flow, the flow, the flo-o-ow

If you're puttin' that rulebook over anythin' while doin' a crime, crime, crime-crime
Best be as a bludgeon, like on that angry guy, guy, guy-guy
Please throw, please throw, please throw

I read once that normal people have better memories of felonies
Crims who go pull off a crime really impressive
Than about morons who trip over, failed by random fluke
Rather read 'bout crazy-ass heists by an unknown dude
Than the great twit who jammed the treasure
Inside a clunky-ass backpack, fell from the added pressure
So stop keepin' your nose in that rulebook, take effort
To think on the fly, I know you can do better

That last part based on a spoken word piece that's only on the album version of the song. This is because the album version is the one in my playlist.

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