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Song Parodies -> "Purchased Thing"

Original Song Title:

"Furthest Thing"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Purchased Thing"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

What kind of a purchased thing? A sandwich? A hat? Some kind of a transforming robot toy? Of course not, we're talkin' 'bout the thing that'd destroy my comments section if I wasn't parodying an album cut from a Drake album: NFTs! Oh, yeah, I'm goin' there.
Somewhere between a problem and pure nonsense
Somewhere between "don't want it" and "please stop it"
Somewhere between a bogus scam and griftin'
Somewhere between a gimmick and malignance
When I say now 'bout what I'll complain 'bout, I doubt you could say now
That you've never heard about it, that's a lie to lay down
Wish I had your brain now, so free of the pain now
All these total dipshits postin' pictures of their apes now
Yeah, that sparked your brain now, you get what I say now
Ev'ry online space has people dunkin' and it's great now
But they're still a pain now, still won't go away now
They think they're the future, nope, no way

They think they're nifty, but they blow, useful? That's a no
Valuable? I don't and will not think so
These things are awful and a joke, douchery in code
Your purchased thing is worthless, no matter the zeroes
"Each one is diff'rent"? They still blow, I'm afraid it's so
Waste of cash you've blown on a jpeg, bro
Was that cash real or is it faux? Either way, it blows
Your purchased thing is worthless, man, such a pointless joke

Sure, I get the code is proof it belongs to ya
But as for what your pic does, you don't know, do ya?
Just proof that you're a rich asshole
Of all the things one's paycheck can be spent on, you picked that one?
'Cause a mansion, you can crash in if your first house had cars smash in
Speakin' of, buy a car, drive it since your first broke your front landin'
Even a watch filled with diamonds can still tell you what the time is
But your overpriced profile pic does jack-all so I despise it
Oh, the future will be diff'rent? What's your Discord's gimmick?
MMO? A casino? A cartoon that looks like pigshit?
No, I'm never gonna give in 'cause there's zip on which I'm missin'
Go 'head, belittle, jerk, hate me because I went and right-click saved

It took two seconds, that's a joke, makin' your head blow
Didn't touch the code on which cash was blown
I'm pretty sure that that was known, it's still funny, bro
Your purchased thing is worthless, stop braggin' 'bout it, dope
Simply aesthetic'lly, it's gross, if I had to blow
That many zeroes on that, I would hope
That no-one that I'd never know would find out, would blow
Your purchased thing is worthless, it's no achievement, bro

Stupid gimmick, that's it, stop it
Drainin' grids with friggin' made-up money
Minin', sellin', mintin' tokens
Hate it, quit it, stick with sellin' Amway

Uh, that's no life for me (ah, na)
Insulted you think this is right for me (ah, na)
I see you worry your tokens are funged, a sight to see (ah, na)
Don't want that, dude, 'cause this popcorn tastes really nice, you see
I have to talk around you (ah, na)
You're always grabbin' onto keywords, wedge in (ah, na)
Get the hint, I think you're a clown, dude (ah, na)
Such a twit, better take a look at the sites you're sendin'
Just in case I witness any of my pictures (ah, na)
Listed for millions 'cause I didn't put that there, so livid (ah, na)
That your reaction's sadly instant: "Your fault for not mintin'" (ah, na)
Get stuffed, you crypto-scammer dipshit, that just blames the victim
So stupid, oh boy (ah, na)
All these self-sells and dorks who won't shut up 'bout Bitcoin (ah, na)
So many keywords to block, hell, Lambos I now abhor (ah, na)
Crossed fingers for the day that this bubble pops, want it more

Please, dork, get the hint, I think you're a clown, dude
Yeah, yeah, get the hint, don't want you around, dude

Ah, na, ah, na
Stupid gimmick, that's it, stop it (ah, na)
Hate it, quit it, stick with sellin' Amway
Stupid gimmick, that's it, stop it (ah, na)

Well, I'm just gonna go watch Dan Olson's "The Problem With NFT's" for, like, the tenth time.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

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