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Song Parodies -> "Bolted Down"

Original Song Title:

"Hold You Down"

Original Performer:

DJ Khaled

Parody Song Title:

"Bolted Down"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

...featuring Chris Brown, August Alsina, Future and Jeremih. Man, if there was a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon for music, basic knowledge of DJ Khaled would be an instant win for whoever's playing. Anyway, overzealous thievery prevention measures, go!
Been bolted down
That's a right pain
I can't take it!

Shouldn't be in this house
Kind of against the law to just take whatever you like
Isn't right (gonna still do it)
Got zero skill for schemes and stuff
For credit fraud, no flair, oh yeah, so I'm stuck with the basic crime
Basic crime (just takin' stuff), yeah-eah (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
But there's a hitch this time, some arse (some total arse)
Thought this should be more hard (a little bit more hard)
'Cause ev'rything's been bolted down (bolted down)
Can't take anything out (can't take anything out)

Been bolted down
Ev'rything's been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down
That's a right pain
Now I can't make a good buck here by sellin' stuff that you prob'bly loved
Man, that ain't right now (right now)
Isn't very nice for me, gimme all your loot, that's what I need, man
That's a right pain (that's a right pain)
Ev'rything has been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down (shit, shit, shit)

What kinda crazy-ass home (this is really nuts)
Nails ev'rything down? I'm appalled (you should see my frown)
All of that work to replace your key (effort for nothin')
With some tweezers to pick your lock (I've earned somethin')
Oh, covered myself in lots of leaves
Itched like hell but it distracted all those sensors, couldn't spot me, lost me
Then I bribed your dog with some sausage in my pocket
And no-one wants to know how it feels to have sausage in your pocket
It's not bolted down
Started with your den, should have had loot galore
But the golden trophies that I found
Almost wrenched out both my shoulders, really shook me to my core
I don't deserve this, all my effort's not worth this
Had thought "They must be the only thing here that's been secured this way"
Nope, all bolted down (all been bolted down)
Shit's been bolted down, not free

Been bolted down
Ev'rything's been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down
That's a right pain
I'm s'pposed to be liftin' up all your fancy stuff to toss in my truck
Man, that ain't right now (right now)
All this time I've been a thief, no-one's been so rude as hell to me, man
That's a right pain (that's a right pain)
Ev'rything has been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down (bullshit, shit, shit, shit)

All of it's been bolted down
From the friggin' toaster to your dressin' gowns
Ev'rything you own's been tied or nailed or sighted in vile glue piles
I'm pretty sure that might short your phone, right (shit, shit)
I'd love to steal your food tubs
But they've all been cemented, freaky (whoo), will never taste right
Ropes and metal chains for ties
Both how you're tyin' down stuff and what kind of stuff (both), oh-oh
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, doo-doo, doo-doo-ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh-hoo
I expected somethin' to stop me (I swear)
But all these bolts are nonsense, really shocks me (shit, shit)
You've prob'bly gone nuts, I'm sorry (whoo, git)

Been bolted down
Ev'rything's been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down
That's a right pain
Now I wonder how long does it take to ka-chunk nails in all your stuff
Man, that ain't right now (right now)
Your set-up here really seems like a lot for you just to stop me, man
That's a right pain (that's a right pain)
Ev'rything has been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down (shit, shit, shit)

This is insane here, right
Cleanin' will be a problem, will take all your time
You've overdone it, you're crazy
You could've been lazy (that's fine)
Bolted down, bolted down
Just the fancy stuff, expensive-soundin' stuff, clown jerk
Bolt that down like you're supposed to
The cheap stuff? Exposed, dude, so I can unload you (and make a buck)

Been bolted down
Ev'rything's been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down
That's a right pain
Guess that I'll be rollin' up to next door because they're a bit more dumb
Man, that ain't right now (right now)
I say that ev'rybody should just leave their loot right there for me, man
That's a right pain (that's a right pain)
Ev'rything has been bolted down, that ain't fair, been bolted down (shit, shit, shit)

We'll be the last ones dancing in the faceless crowd
When there's no one to hold you, I will still hold you down

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