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Song Parodies -> "None (Cheese Shop)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"None (Cheese Shop)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Do you in fact have any cheese here at all?
Only came here for some cheese
A little snack, you know
But ev'ry time that I ask you
'Bout what kinds you have
It seems that you have run out
It's to the point of farce
There's no Caerphilly or White Stilton now
This is getting silly, a little bit silly

Not one damn scrap of Red Leicester
Not a single speck of brie
No damn Danish Blue or Gloucester
You're lucky I've got all of the spare time
So I won't stomp away back to my car
Because you can't give me a single slice of Tilsit
I'm gonna keep both my feet planted in their place right here
Just like a rock, a solid rock, so

Why, why is this shop pathetic?
How can there be none? It's all that you're here for
Why, why is this place so empty?
Can't believe there's none, cause it's all you're here for

Should've twigged a problem now
With no samples on show
But I've still got about a mile
Long list here to try of what's stored in the back

You're right out of mozzarella
There's no Edam I can see
Nothing here for red or white wine
Not even any cheddar, can't be right
There is no Wensleydale? Not up too par
Tempted to up and leave, but I've still got more cheeses
That I should see before me but there's not one crumb of here
No parmesan, want parmesan, so

Why, why is this shop so useless?
How can there be none? It's all that you're here for
Why, why is this place so empty?
Don't get how there's none, what else are you here for?

Is this just a bad day? Seems bad so far
No Dorset Blue Vinney nor any Gorgonzola
It seems to me that I need to ask the real question here:
Is there jack-all cheese here? I thought so

Why, why is this place pathetic?
How can there be none? It's all that you're here for
Why, why is this place so empty?
I now know there's none though it's what you're here for

Cheese is what you're here for
It's all that you're here for
All you're bloody here for
Cheese is all you're here for
I came here for cheese, you weren't up to par
Came here for some cheese, wasted fuel, you arse
Just one slice of cheese, was that really hard?
Since you've got no cheese, doubt that you'll go far

Fingers crossed that the "Ξ" in the artist title goes through, if not, we'll see if it's still all capitalised.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Monty Python - August 13, 2019 - Report this comment
No sir, no' a scrap; I was deliberately wasting your time.

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