Oh god

In a state of panic cause my stupid buddy's fern flopped (yeah)
Left it with me while he sodded off to Bangkok (yeah)
I know I suck at takin' care of crap
All the Tamagotchis that I've ever owned would not hatch (sucks)
I'm reelin (yeah)', guilt's what I'm feelin' (crap)
Cause his plant's gone, dead as a fried chicken (crap)
I told him I had no "grow stuff" talent (shit)
He ran off in his small speedo, spoke thus: damn it (oh-ho-ho, god)
Asshole left me no notes, need those because I know ('kay)
Jack all about plants, bro, I think yams are fake potatoes (what)
Made sure I kept it real wet, though, looks like it wasn't eaten, so (what)
Also gave it plenty air, so it should still be leafy, no (yeah)?
Should be leafy, no? Should be plenty leafy, no?
Didn't wanna kill it, but I did it, I don't even know
The start of the basics of first aid for plants, that's one big no
Now my mate'll hate me cause he's crazy 'bout flora, I know
I'll set the web for privacy (yeah), so he can't trace to me (yeah)
Google search, explain to me what exact plant-ish race are these?
I have to replace, you see, just like he once did to me (no)
With my last Snickers bar, see (no), he won't find out, fixed that problem
He's a moron (moron)

I killed it, yeah, yeah, I killed it (what)
I'll fix it, yeah, yeah, I'll fix it (what)
I killed it, yeah, yeah, I killed it (what)
My friend's plant's gone, dead as a fried chicken (whaaat)
In deep crap if he ever sees that his plant is dead, it's true
Real deep crap if he somehow sees his dumb plant that's dead, so true
He'll be mad, but he'll never see that his plant is dead, it's true
He won't see it dead, it's true, it'll look as good as new (whaaat)

Know I seem like an asshole, sitcom cliché, I know
Seems like I don't care, but no, I do, au contraire
I give huge shits, just be fair, cause the truth's rude, bro
Rather keep his hopes up than just roll up to dude's home
And just tell him
Kinda killed your plant, sorta, somehow...don't know how, though
Won't buy that, just sounds bogus
M-M-M-Must be clever, got it in the bag like scrotums
Fresh plant from the florist, bonus-like sprinkle dust from my sofa
And that should then fool my good friend, the old dense tool
Once mistook my restroom for a sleek, high-tech bedroom
Got a text from him, he's on his way today-day-day?
Not good, not good, no way-way-way (no way-way-way)
What'll I do? Can't order plants like pizza, he's got the better car, screw that idea
In fact, his text ended with "Well, I'll see ya" which, for him, means "in five minutes, I'll meet up"
I'm really screwed, man, "Wouldn't wanna be ya", perfect, thanks for that, deep in Hell, I'll see ya
After he kills me, that fact I've conceded "Click, click, click, click" oh shit, I'm defeated, no
I killed your plant, dog! Please be tame
You kid, you never had a plant? Thank God, that's great
What do you mean "How'd you do with my goldfish, mate?"?

Whaaat?
Holy crap, where'd I put his fish? If it's dead, then I'm so screwed
Holy crap, did I kill his fish? Really hope that ain't the truth
I'll go mad if I killed his fish cause I thought he liked plants, dude
Hope he's jokin' like a douche, if not, I'm dead meat (whaaat)