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Song Parodies -> "Heels"

Original Song Title:

"Feels"

Original Performer:

Calvin Harris

Parody Song Title:

"Heels"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Featuring Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean. Stupid text box limit. Speaking of stupid things, combat stilettos! What is even the hell?
Whoo!
Ha
Hey! Uh
Oh-oh yeah
Hey!
Hey!

I'm always lookin' for new fiction, though (although)
Got standards, I fear I won't ditch them, no (hey)
Want to respect you but you seem a joke (hey, hey)
All of your adverts repeat that realism's on show
Do you mind if I call bullshit, man (of course)?
Still gonna do it here
Cause I can't believe you, haha
I've always liked an action schlock piece (good crap)
Long as it's good, I sneer (hey)
Because one thing wrecks it, true (uh, hey, ooh-whoo!)

Why are they fightin' in heels (ha)?
That's not on, they'd soon spill (hey)
One twisted ankle, they'll end up killed (prrrrr, hey)
Buddy, tell me why are they all in heels?
Heels? Pa-lease
Whoo!

Too damn high, they'll topple (hey, hey), plus it just looks dumb, oh (yes)
The actresses wobble, inertial (inertial) insanity (hey-yay)
The rest of their costumes (hey)? They seem pretty proper (hey)
No vacuum seal on boobs (uh), revelry for simplicity
'Fraid that I still mind those stilettos (of course)
They mean I'll always jeer (hey)
When you backpedal, dude (oh yeah)
A pack of lies, claim they're "empowered" (crap)
I can't abide that here (hey)
Too retroactive, it's true (hey, ooh-whoo!)

Why are they fightin' in heels (ha)?
Takes one wrong move to spill (oh-oh-oh, oh)
Can't focus on the tension you've built (prrrrr, hey)
Cause I'm worried they'll lose grip on their heels (this sucks)
Heels? Pa-lease (whoa)

Goddamn, I know you love to test suspension (will)
Of our disbelief, mate, but I'm afraid the tension (like whoa)
Has broken just like that woman's attention
When her six-inch shoes got in a hole wedged in (yeah, yeah)
Annoyed by how you won't shut up, insistin' we (you dope)
Should not complain, "C'mon, look at how she flips!" Dude, please
You honestly think that pushes past the joke (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, no)
That is the fact she lands straight in that stance? Hell no (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, hey)
After that, shocked she still has a pair of knees (knees)
And not sacks of fragments, this scene lacks swearin'? Please (yeah)
People who land on heels take pain frequently (whoa)
They're not meant for action scenes, just displayin' feet, you see (whoa)
I've been rantin' at you yet it hasn't pierced your lobes (whoa)
Still not gettin' the frosty reception, dude (brrr)
You're refusin' to budge on this issue, should know (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, mmm)
I don't think I'll go watch your films anymo' (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, mmm)

Why are they fightin' in heels?
Why are they fightin' in high heels? Like uh
Can't stop watchin' for spills (yeah (he-e-e-ey, uh), yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (uh, uh))
Don't care if one gets used for a kill (prrrrr, hey) (you know)
Only proves my point: should not fight in heels (woah, woah, woah)
Heels? Pa-lease (uh)
Why are they fightin' in heels?
Sympathy pain (no, no), mate (uh), sympathy pain
That sucks, all that I feel (whoa, oh-oh, okay)
Is irritation, no, I won't chill (prrrrr, hey)
Hell no, hell no, hell no
Never been a fan of fightin' in heels
Heels? Pa-lease

If you're gonna utilise this trope in your stories, don't. Or at the very least make fun of it and then stop using it, like in Batgirl: Year One (disclaimer: I have not read Batgirl: Year One, this information soley (heh) comes from the TV Tropes page for Combat Stilettos).

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

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