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Song Parodies -> "I Won't Bunk With You"

Original Song Title:

"I Don't F**k with You"

Original Performer:

Big Sean ft. E-40

Parody Song Title:

"I Won't Bunk With You"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "50 Shades of Pop" self-challenge. Flatmate wanted, apply within. Except for you, I don't want you within at least three galaxies from me. Why? Oh, let me count the ways...
Uh
Nup

I won't bunk with you (I really don't think so)
Annoyin', punchable twit, I ain't bunkin' with you
Not gonna, my mind ain't gonna switch, I ain't bunkin' with you
You've got a million trillion things completely wrong 'bout you
So I ain't bunkin' with you
You obnoxious prat, I'm not gonna bunk
I'm not gonna bunk, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna bunk
Not goin' to be bunkin' with you (I'm not gonna bunk)
The worst person I could choose (I'm not gonna bunk)
I won't be bunkin' with you (I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna bunk, no)
And I will tell you why, dude

First off, let's take the word "bunk" lit'rally for just a tic (so)
Not in the same bed, cause your odor would make me sick
*Sniff sniff* What did you roll in? Kinda smells like a pig
Only the first reason that I won't bunk with you
Even a bunk bed is a no
Cause I've got videotape evidence of your snorin', bro
Would make my ears go deaf, I fear
I couldn't hear my alarm goin' off, now that's clear, yeah
So you can get why I tore up your resume twice
Growin' up together doesn't absolve this shit, right
Top or bottom bunk, I can't stand it (no)
You're the only one who farts worse than me
Please don't test that shit (shit)
And you don't change your sheets often enough, mate (wash your sheets)
Keep leavin' outlines of you in your sweat stains
This won't work, you feelin' me? Not believin' me
This isn't just hearsay, this is from our shared history
I'd be willin' to overlook a few flaws for a bro
But you're 'bout ninety percent problems, can't blow that off (nope)
You keep tryin' to insist (n-nope) you can change quick
I think I'll share more reasons why

I won't bunk with you
Annoyin', arrogant twit, I ain't bunkin' with you
Not gonna, my mind's not gonna switch, I ain't bunkin' with you
You've got a billion zillion things completely wrong 'bout you
So I ain't bunkin' with you
You unyieldin' prat, I'm not gonna bunk
I'm not gonna bunk, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna bunk
Not goin' to be bunkin' with you (not sorry) (I'm not gonna bunk)
The worst flatmate I could choose (I'm not gonna bunk)
I won't be bunkin' with you (I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna bunk, no)
I'm gonna tell you why, dude (ow)

There's a billion things if I'm kind
You never wake up on time and then you stay up all night
Flat'll be a pigsty after four days or five
Don't say you'll do cookin'
I've seen you burn apple juice, keep goin', shall we (we)?
Don't clean the debris when you shave that stupid goatee (geez)
You change your act? Gotta be kiddin', you'll quit after seven seconds
You're lackin' in motivation even when I act threat'nin' (yeah)
Always say you'll do it in just a tic
I do it, and then your "sorry"'s half-hearted (half-hearted)
Don't return any rentals whether they're governmental
Or they're mine, still pretty mental, where's my Dune video (Dune video)?
I've tried askin' you gentle-like, should know it's hopeless
This is far from a joke, this (uh) is shit you should notice (uh)
Excuses, you're givin' me, like "I had a surgery"
I'm sorry for this stuffy nose but I've got a huge bullshit allergy (mmm)
What's the deal with these empty beer cans you leave out?
Don't even live in here yet and all your clutter's about (clean up)
Wow, I'm barely a seventh of the way through (way through)
Of this "you suck hard" list, so what to do (what to do)
Are you gonna stick around while I read off more, dude (dude)?
Or fin'lly will you (you) get the fact

I won't be bunkin' with you (will it click?)
Get a clue and get the hint, I ain't bunkin' with you (uh-uh)
Not gonna, mind's never gonna switch, I ain't bunkin' with you
You've got a jillion million things completely wrong 'bout you
So I ain't bunkin' with you
Come on, understand I'm not gonna bunk
I'm not gonna bunk, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna bunk
Not goin' to be bunkin' with you
The worst roommate I could choose
I won't be bunkin' with you
And I'll explain it to you
I'm not gonna bunk, I'm not gonna bunk
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna bunk
Not goin' to be bunkin' with you
The worst bunkmate I could choose
I won't be bunkin' with you
You still don't get it, do you?

I'd go through this list cause we got a whole lot more
But I know that tic in your eyebrow and what it's for (twitch, twitch, twitch)
You've got a question? Well, don't keep it stored
I'm dyin' to know what pointless tangent you're goin' to spew forth (forth)
So you've got a problem with how I keep usin' the word "bunk" (bunk)?
I phrased it the wrong way? Hey, that's item fifty-one (one)
On why you're not stayin': you're a pedant with words
I don't care if I should say "you're not bunkin' with me", look, bud (bud)
Did you even listen to what I said?
Or did you focus on that one minuscule slip?
Not important, you always do this (don't)
Still don't get why here you won't live
Which is I despise your existence
You're such an ignoramus, in ways both subtle and blatant
Honestly surprised that so far I've managed to be patient
Cause I know your habits too well, really hard to keep my cool
But that ends here, dipshit, I ain't bunkin' with you (no no no)
That might make you mad, sentence structure's shit (go)
But I'll say it: I ain't, I ain't bunkin' with you (stop)
I ain't bunkin' with you (haha)
Shut up
Vacate
Now

Just checked Thesaurus.com, "bunk" is totally a valid synonym for the definition of "abide" that means "live in a certain place". Validation for pointless minutiae that no-one else cares about: that's what I live for, baby.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 10

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