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Song Parodies -> "Quit With the Lever Grabs"

Original Song Title:

"Best Thing I Never Had"

Original Performer:

Beyoncé

Parody Song Title:

"Quit With the Lever Grabs"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

One of the worst things things to have on a spy mission would be a partner who can't resist activating any lever they come across. Such is the fate of this guy...
Don't run around this big base now, hey, it's crazy
Don't mess around with this base now, hey, (i-i-i-it's crazy)
I said I've not worked out what does what now, hey-hey, it's crazy
So please calm down, don't screw around

I thought as spies
We're not meant to touch all that's in sight
And I'm not wrong
Cause I've had to tell you twenty times
Just because it has a shine that really speaks to you
Doesn't mean that you can grab and pull down, dude
Don't be so stupid, ha, no, you don't know what you're doin', uh
Sick of tellin' you, please, buddy, don't kill me now

The last one you grabbed popped guns out like mad
I'm beggin', please, you might just kill me, bud, quit with the lever grabs
And you might join me, bud, quit with the lever grabs
By your dumb hand? Could be, bud, quit with the lever grabs (oh yeah)
Or I could also kill you right now

I'm mad and hurt
Do you know how it feels to have burnt hair?
You don't? You jerk
Come here, you see that panel right there?
Saw the metal gleamin' so bright, guess that's all you need to
Reach out and grab it without givin' any thought to
What you were doin' and because you're friggin' stupid
My toes number two, buddy, I'm bleedin' out

You set off these traps because you're a twat
You're gonna be the real death of me, bud, quit with the lever grabs
I said, curb your ADD, bud, quit with the lever grabs
It ain't so hard to sneak, bud, quit with the lever grabs
Look, man, if we get caught, it's on you, stop now

I almost lost my hand, got darts inside my ass
Let's get the file and get away
Lord knows that I can't take more bullet sprays, more blades that slice
More mad trained birds, more flyin' knives
Oh God, did you just pull more? Dude, why?

I should be shocked that this lab has all these traps (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
But honestly, my poor brain's busy, bud, quit with the lever grabs
Look at the state of me, bud, quit with the lever grabs
This ain't a prank, trust me, bud, quit with the lever grabs
Ooh, quit with the lever grabs
Thanks to your attention span, my flesh has been hacked
I think you need more retrainin', geez, bud, quit with the lever grabs
I'm not the bait here, please, bud, quit with the lever grabs
Cruel how you laugh at me, bud, quit with the lever grabs
Don't take one more damn step just in case you pull down

I can't work out why you pull down
Levers you've found, though I'm hurt now (bet my guts will, quite soon, fall out)
Please don't pull down more levers now (beggin', bud, don't be stupid now)
I mean this now, you'll kill me now (one more bad cut, I'll take you right down)

I could actually see something like this getting played for laughs in a comedy film, where every switch, button and lever causes harm to the mildly uptight guy, even if it still does what it's meant to do (hooray, the door's opened! And it dropped a big pile of snakes on me!).

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
 1
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 5   3
 3
 3
 

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