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Song Parodies -> "A Vegan's Lament"

Original Song Title:

"How Far I'll Go"

Original Performer:

Auli'i Cravalho (Moana Soundtrack)

Parody Song Title:

"A Vegan's Lament"

Parody Written by:

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd

The Lyrics

This one's for Matthias special Christmas Two Week Notice challenge. It's a simple food parody because my muse had Christmas obstipation regarding all other possible subjects.

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here.
I'm not porking like the neighbour's oldest daughter
Down with nuts and cucumbers, always to reflux at night
I just cannot stand the immoral slaughter
Cannot even use a swatter, so always I let them fly

Every leek I take, every pea pod cracked
Every cracker baked, every leaf meat lacks
That's the stuff I know that I cannot chow
But I long to be

In my dreams there's a row full of meat - it calls me
And bacon plates - for miles it goes
And with pizza and hot dogs and meatballs inside me
Maybe I'll blow
And if so there's just no telling how far it'll show

I know that my breath from garlic dressing
Match a cabbie's, and I'm crying
Tears into my carrot wine
I know that my farts from chutney dressing
Takes a toll, and I'm crying
But then I have some tea of pine

I must stay on soy because meat is wrong
I gnaw broccoli here raw all day long
But my folks and friends asked this question long:
-What is wrong with meat?

There they sit on their ass with their meat - they're dining
On hind from cows - and down it goes
And my mom has a plate left for me - she tries lure me
And bring me down
With a chop of swine - I won't cross that line

My dreams have a row full of meat - it calls me
And bacon rinds - for miles it goes
And the pork and the veal and the ghee builds inside me
My diet blows!
Should let it go

© Peter Andersson.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Agrimorfee - January 05, 2018 - Report this comment
Funny stuff, but i must state you are a crazy person with your purposely (I hope) bad rhymes of cow/how, show/goes.
Matthias - January 05, 2018 - Report this comment
Internal rhyming my friend... Internal rhyming! Not a bad food parody but you know how that irks me: Pork rinds/ miles it goes was one of the worst offenders
Rob Arndt - January 05, 2018 - Report this comment
Anything that promotes meat is ok by me- 555!
Rob Arndt - January 05, 2018 - Report this comment
Btw, even Hitler didn't stick to his Vegetarian diet despite two books on the subject by ONE of his food tasters and ONE of his female chefs at ONE location. Dr. Morell, Eva Braun, and Hitler's valet and SS men dispute that myth. They all brought him various small portions of meat. Hitler also never gave up alcohol. He had champagne flown in from France with his bonbons! To which he added 7 Tbs of sugar to sweeten it. FYI

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