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Song Parodies -> "Crud (I'm A Pawn)"

Original Song Title:

"Cups (When I'm Gone)"

Original Performer:

Anna Kendrick

Parody Song Title:

"Crud (I'm A Pawn)"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Living The Fantasy Supplemental" self-challenge. The perils of being the crappiest piece on the chessboard. Apart from the king, but that one's kinda the whole point of the game to protect. The pawn, however? He/she would not be happy with their lot...
Those crazy knights, the way they lea-eap around
The rooks have quite the reach, must sa-ay
Same with bishops 'cept diagonally-y
But my movement is limited and quite lame

I'm a pawn, I'm a pa-a-a-a-awn
Can't move a lot cause I'm a pawn
Only one space, don't think that's fair
While rooks are zoomin' everywhe-ere, oh
Why do I have to be a pawn?

I'm a pawn, I'm a pa-a-a-a-awn
I wish that I wasn't a pawn
Progress is slow across the board
So ev'ry game is such a bo-ore, oh
So friggin' useless as a pawn

It never fails to happen ev'ry round
Ev'ry pawn gets killed to death, it's true
Just a meat shield, no point livin'
Don't wanna die, that's a given
The game resets and once again I'm screwed

I'm a pawn, just a pa-a-a-awn
You may start with eight of us pa-a-awns
You gotta move us cause we block
All of the useful pieces o-off, oh
What use could one have for a pawn?

Friggin' pawn, just a pa-a-a-awn
Why keep moving me, I'm a pa-a-awn
Close to the edge of the board, yes
Could be a good thing, just a gue-uess, oh
I know nothing, I'm just a pawn

Useless pawn, just a pa-a-a-awn
Something has changed, I'm not a pa-a-awn!
Swapped me for something useful, what
Now I'm a queen, there's the payo-off, oh
THAT'S why you keep moving the pawns!

I wonder if "pawn" originated as a term meaning "minion" or as the chess piece. I also wonder why I care.

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