When the date's October Thirty-One
I say boo to kids it's lots of fun
Just last Halloween I looked mummified
And got candy that I did not buy
That I did not buy

I must state that the Warners are very rude
They think it's heresy to give out food
So last Halloween well I knelt and begged
And that did not work so their house got egged
So their house got egged

Next day I ate a lot and I got nauseous
So I hated chocolate until August
I must make sure not to eat it all in a day

Once a house gave really stinky treats
It turns out that the guy was the chief of police
Foolish me shaving creamed the copper's cat
Then I spent three weeks in jail cause of that
In jail cause of that

Once free I ate a lot and I got nauseous
So I hated chocolate until August
I figured out I ought to be more cautious
But I might just not ever follow my advice

I confess I'm a crook I will steal
Sweets from scared kids dressed as Kim Jong Il
Hardly anything is more fright-
Ening than that
On second thought it might be better
If I dressed up like I'm Derek Jeter
I'd coerce them by using my
Big wooden bat

It's true that I am too desperate for candy
I'm under arrest cops won't unhand me
Just cause that little pest screamed like a banshee
Now it's safe to guess that they will lock me away