Well, my sweetie, my sweetie, don't want the U.S. no more
Ever since she saw the poster in that travel store
She thinks that whole damn place is so damn pretty
She thinks it's so clean and pristine and America's so sh*tty
She likes the open fields and the cleaner air
She even likes all the blue eyes and blonde hair

My sweetie's in love with Scandinavia
She's all crazy for that Scandinavia
Well they say the best home is the one your parents gave ya
But my sweetie's in love with Scandinavia

Whenever I IM her, she's speaking Finn
I guess it really must suck to be an American
What a pain in the butt to be stuck in the States
Feeling like she's trapped on the Planet of the Apes
But the girl can't get enough of Denmark and Sweden
Like she's some girl in exile and I just don't get Heathens

My sweetie's in love with Scandinavia
She's all crazy for that Scandinavia
If you're feeling trapped, is someone gonna save ya?
But my sweetie's in love with Scandinavia

My sweetie's in love with Scandinavia
Head over heels for that Scandinavia
Going to the airport, are they even gonna wave ya?
But my sweetie's in love with Scandinavia

I knew we were headed for a problem
When she caught me PM'ing Sue Viljannen
'Cause she's got an incurable admiration
For the Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen,
Helsinki, and Rejkavik kind of nations

Well, just gimme the good old red and the white and that true blue
And I just ain't ready to convert to Asatru
I just can't compete with Norwegians and Danes
But I know two can play at this kind of game
Let's see if she'll be able to stand
When I start to obsess over Dublin, Ireland

My sweetie's in love with Scandinavia
She's all crazy for that Scandinavia
It's a desire of hers that I guess I better cave ta
Cause my sweetie's in love with
I said I said I said my sweetie's in love with Scandinavia
She's all crazy for that Scandinavia
When she says goodbye, I guess I better wave, yeah
Cause my sweetie's in love with Scandinavia