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Song Parodies -> "Severing Skills"

Original Song Title:

"Beverly Hills"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Severing Skills"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Be careful what you order....
(Drumroll with chopping noises)

My cooking show isn't all that great
I'm chopping up veal with some arms and hands
Food ration sense needs a little "THWACK!"
But Wendy's bought new recipe

I didn't go to French Chef schools
Chubby girls always flocked to me
I'm good, eh?
My grub ain't shoddy
Spiced up with an eye socket

Severing Skills!
What do you want to drink?
(Bloody Mary?)
(Bloody Mary?)
Workin' my severing skills!

Severing Skills!
Hannibal's delicacy
(Sloppy Joe, eh?)
(Sloppy Joe, eh?)
Workin' my severing skills!

Look at all my customers
They're all so simple and naive
When the waitress takes orders
They all forget to give warning

I get a bunch of cash like that
I'm like a Burger Steven King
Did you forget to pay Raul?
Just add Mexican zing

Severing Skills!
Pat's with croissant and peas
(Yummy! Yummy!)
(Yummy Yummy!)
Chowing on severing skills!

Severing Skills!
Stu Stew's Soup Of The Week
(Yummy! Yummy!)
(Yummy! Yummy!)
Workin' my severing skills!

(Solo of more people getting grotesquely slashed to bits
But in good taste)

The truth is
I can't stand violence
But there's something about this food
That keeps me going strong

Yes I do
I'm just a high-class franchised tool
And I enjoy being this way
(Sure Do)
I might as well enjoy my job
Work's murder they say

Severing Skills!
Fred Kruger kinda meat!
(Blood and Gorey)
(Blood and Gorey)
Working my severing skills!

Severing Skills!
Chopping through the celebrities
(Bye-Bye Jolie!)
(Bye-Bye Jolie!)
Working my severing skills!

Severing Skills!!!!!!!!
Severing Skills!!!!!!!!
Severing Skills!!!!!!!!!
Severing Skills!!!!!!!!

Working my Severing Skills!!!!!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   13

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

The Piano Minstrel - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Kinda gross but still funny I must admit 544
John Barry - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
You've given me the courage to eventually submit "50 Ways to Cleave Your Lover."
alvin rhodes - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
this made the cut
Steve K. - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Matt - Like Starkist tries to tell Charlie the Tuna, this parody does not have good taste, but tastes good. JB - Sound like a good idea.
Rick C - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Hmmm! I wonder what you get if you order shepherd's pie. 555
Lime - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Haha. This was a fun read.
2Eagle - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Did you see "Sweeny Todd"?
Rex - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
I like ladyfingers best...this is excellent! Favorite line "Burger Steven King".
Kristof Robertson - August 01, 2006 - Report this comment
eeeek! ;-) Great job, Matt..."Burger Stephen King" was a riot! 555
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - August 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Our Matthias took an axe
Gave The OS fourty whacks
When I saw what he had done
I gave this parody four-five-five (and to Hell with what rhymes with "done") :-)
tomario - September 26, 2006 - Report this comment
thats a cut above the usual parody
Johnny D - October 03, 2006 - Report this comment
(Decathlon) LOL -- "I'm like a Burger Steven King" -- LOL ! Sweet ... AND MEATY!
bobpiecheese - October 05, 2006 - Report this comment
(Decathlon - Event 4) Once I'd cleaned all the blood and gore off this page, I saw an awesomely grotesque parody. Thank you Matthias, for sparing me lunch!
Kristof Robertson - October 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(DEC4) See above....but don't look behind you!!!
Jeff Reuben - October 08, 2006 - Report this comment
I think you have your share of cut puns, so I'll spare you another one. Well done!
Stuart McArthur - October 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(decath4) this is one where I reckon you've really gotta know the OS, which I don't - but I liked the idea of grotesque slashing done tastefully, Matthias, although can we rethink the use of Ms Jolie? - 555
Arwen - October 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Decathlon...I DO know (and LOVE) the OS, Matthias...and while this was very funny, and well written, I'm confused how it fits with the theme of the event...(Mysteries of the Unexplained)...?? Sorry if I'm missing something...
Matthias - October 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Arwen: It's Unexplained because the Customers don't know what they are eating
Jack Wilson - October 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Ive read this before and its HILARIOUS, 555! I LOVE THE OS and this parody
DJ Blaze - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
What else can I say: this parody chopped me into bite-size pieces! 555 severed heads.
Blaydeman - September 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Possibly, controversial, but definatly edgy. Love it! 555.

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