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Song Parodies -> "The Feast At Mama's Place"

Original Song Title:

"The Beast of Pirate's Bay"

Original Performer:

Voltaire

Parody Song Title:

"The Feast At Mama's Place"

Parody Written by:

Abbott Skelding

The Lyrics

Many restaurants will have some sort of eating challenge, usually something based on finishing an incredibly large meal. A few years ago, there was a restaurant in my hometown of Toledo, OH that had one such challenge called the "Monster Breakfast Challenge". It consisted of three plate sized pancakes, four eggs (any way), four strips of bacon, four sausage links, two slices of ham, a double order or hashbrowns and a full order of biscuits and gravy...all to be finished within an hour. And not to brag, but I, Abbott Skelding, was the first person to complete said challenge (and immediately threw it all up once I got home haha). This seemed like a good enough topic to base a parody off of. Enjoy! Original Song
One day last December,
I wasn’t feeling well...
I wasn’t sick or tired, but I was just hungry as hell
My stomach was a-grumblin’
You should have seen my face...
Saw a sign that says, "Come Here!
Welcome To Mama’s Place!"

Ms. Ann “Mama” McGuthrie, came here in ‘63
She came here to this country from a place way overseas
Wanted to own a rest’rant
And now she does, with priiiide!
She’ll overstuff your tummy, food will fill up your insides!

Oh, don't you wail and don't you fret and don’t worry a bit
The place is always packed, but they’ll find you a place to sit
You’ll eat right up then waddle out...no need to eat for daaaayyys
Then she says, “Hope you enjoyed! Come back to Mama’s Place!”

Now Mama has a challenge, makes folks scream and yell
And the poor souls who tried it, they didn’t end up well
They all walk home defeated, that huge meal it packs a puuuunch...
Chall-en-gers come from far and near...
But they’d end up in the dumps!

All have failed and don't you know, your chances sure are slim
You could just win the lotto and get struck by some lightnin’
At the same time, there is no doubt: you'd better stay awaaaaay!
Read the sign that says, "Beware The Feast at Mama’s Place!”

Well, sure enough, my good friend Jim, he went to Mama’s Place
“Want to see what this challenge is, I know that I’ll do great!”
He gave a valiant effort, but I pity that maaaaan
Thought he was done! Then he screeeeaaammmmeeddd!!!
It’s not a one plate challenge, it’s enough to fill a van!

Oh, you’ve been warned, you won’t want to end up like my friend Jim
The Feast is nineteen courses, there’s no way that you can win
Just get some soup, or steak or trout...enough to get a taaassttee
Please don’t try, you can’t prepare! The Feast at Mama’s Place!

Well, I thought I’d try it! Despite stories I’d hear
I was incred’bly starved, I thought “This doesn’t seem too weird”
Ordered The Feast, and everybody waited as she paused...
She said “Alright” and then whispered: “You’re just another loss”

Oh, I won’t fail because I know that I, for sure, can win!
I’ve eaten many platefuls, that this should just be a sinch
“She’ll shut you up, you’ll pass right out.” The other folks would saaaayyy
I replied, “I will not fear The Feast at Mama’s Place!”

The first plate’s coming toward me, and I finish it with ease
Along with plates seven and eight, the folks just can’t believe
“No one has gotten closer...but there’s still so much to goooo!”
I’ve eaten half, then Mama said “Send out more plates, let’s go!”

Well, it’s sure tough, my stomach filled with every passing plate
The food is so delicious, but I must just chew away
I saw Mama give a tiny grin, and she asked “You gonna cry…?”
I said “Hell no! Done with Eighteen!”, she yelled “BRING OUT THE PIE!”

I gasped and I gulped, as the pie came my way
“This is your final portion, you won’t finish...there’s no way.”
I grabbed my fork and dug in, then as I started to faaaade...
My eyes opened wide, and said “FOR JIM! THE FEAST AT MAMA’S PLACE!”
It was so great!

Choked it down and slammed my fork and yelled “THIS IS FOR JIM!”
Mama stood with amazement, I have done what no one did!
Her apron off, a tear fell down...and tossed some keys my waaaay
“It’s yours now, I will leave here...
The rest’rant’s yours, you’ve earned it, dear!”
Read my shirt that says, "I Ate The Feast At Mama’s Place!”

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   8
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User Comments

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Matthias - April 01, 2016 - Report this comment
Fantastic story. Lots of detail with a solid beginning middle and end. Haven't read a true story parody in awhile. Great job!
Rob Arndt - April 01, 2016 - Report this comment
I agree, great personal story- 555! I never took an official timed eating contest but my buddies and I had an informal one for years when taking road trips. The "Bad Buffet" contest where we'd bet near the end of a large Buffet meal who could take all the leftovers from the other 3 people's plates stacked onto 1 plate with desserts included and finish in 15 minutes, no exceptions. That included all meats, veggies, fish, stews, potatoes with gravy, salads, breads, ice cream, etc... mashed together. Everything was mixed together completely. Oh, and all remaining liquids were mixed too! I won only one time and barfed it up in the restroom. On the floor, sink, and toilet. IIRC, 32 separate items plus 4 drinks. I had vomit all over. Had to take my shirt off to the next motel. On the lighter side, we played dangerous "deconstruction" (non-online reported) all over the South. That's when you carry a concealed tool belt into a restroom and immediately take it apart piece by piece and flush the screws and bolts or take them or parts as souvenirs. Basically, vandalism under solitary or group conditions! Deconstruction in an office is much harder ;-)
Max Power - April 07, 2016 - Report this comment
Now I got fat from reading this.
Blaydeman - April 19, 2016 - Report this comment
(Artistry) liked the account, it had some many specifics in it, what a blast. I did feel myself getting a little disinterested at the end, I think you store chef the story it just enough to fill the song, and I enjoyed it immensely!
bobpiecheese - April 19, 2016 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Holy crap, that was an epic saga! Fantastic work here, Abbott, I especially liked how you didn't waste time listing everything in the feast and let the reader imagine for themselves. 555 napkins!

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