Hey...Hey...Hey...

My dork friend Mike
Planned a bachelor party for tonight
He hired an entertainer
It seemed like a no-brainer
But be warned

When you arrived
The groom passed out and had to be revived alive
When your boss described his ladies
We'd assumed the term "late eighties"
Meant when you were born

Hey, old stripper
Shake it for the whipper-snappers here tonight
We fear the light
Your mothball scent is sheer delight
Hey, old stripper
Please don't break your hip er
Things just won't seem right
Tonight

Hey...Hey...Hey...

Blue-gray hair
It keeps falling out from everywhere you bend
Your assets: basset saggy
Please guard your special baggie
When you extend

I'm holdin' tears
'Cause you look like Madonna in her golden years
Nana, do you prefer
To shake your nooks and crannies
In boy shorts or granny panties?
(*Ahem*)...Depends

Hey, old stripper
Even Jack the Ripper would be horrified
Mortified
He'd never sign up for the ride
Hey, old stripper
Pray your girdle zipper
Will stay rusted shut
Tonight

The way you can jitterbug!
Watch your pasties sweep the rug so clean
No, we won't pull your plug
You're just hopped up on arthritis drugs, it seems
You're a tribute to the senior class
Your show is literally a gas
Tonight we're gonna tap some As...percreme

Hey, old stripper
Ain't you got big tippers? 'Cause you're competent
Confident
A shame that you're incontinent
Hey, old stripper
Please no skinny dippers
In the wading pool tonight

Hey, old stripper
Please un-Poligrip yer
Dentures from my butt
Tonight