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Song Parodies -> "If You're Anal and You Know It (Leave Us Spam!)"

Original Song Title:

"If You're Happy and You Know It (Clap Your Hands)"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"If You're Anal and You Know It (Leave Us Spam!)"

Parody Written by:

Red Ant

The Lyrics

A parody dedicated to those who like to leave complaints about decade and performer flubs, punctuation/spelling cops, etc. TOS is only 3 verses long, but I had so much fun writing this I went to 7.
If you're anal and you know it, raise your hands! ( - - )
If your anal and you know it, raise both hands! (hands up!)
Well you're anal and we know it,
'cause your comments always show it,
See mistakes you really blow it,

Was the wrong artist provided?, leave us spam! (spam, spam)
If you're feeling undecided, leave some spam! (spam, spam)
We can tell you're so delighted,
When the decade is misguided,
So don't even try to fight it,

See an error in a spelling?, leave some spam! (spam, spam)
If bad grammar gets you yelling, leave more spam! (spam, spam)
When poor grammar gets you dwelling,
Or you see an errant spelling,
Don't go run to mommy telling,

Notice misused punc'tuation?, leave more spam! (spam, spam)
Incorrect abbreviation? leave more spam! (spam, spam)
If you saw an aberration,
And it caused you irritation,
We'll take pause for information;

Do you sense my tone's sarcastic?, drop your hands (what the..!)
Are you dense? my tone's sarcastic!, drop you hands (hands down!)
I am so enthusiastic,
You know what would be fantastic?;
A suggestion not too drastic;

Do you read our songs, poetic, those who spam? (uh, what?)
Do you read the songs, poetic, those who spam? (uh - no)
Well I'm unapologetic,
And I find you so pathetic,
I will spell it in phonetic;

Are you feeling really cheated, those who spam? (oh yes!)
Do you feel you've been mistreated, those who spam? (oh yes!)
Well those comments are not needed,
They'll just wind up all deleted,
For the last time I've repeated;
copyright 2006+ Jack "Red Ant" Fletcher. BTW, if the police read down this far the proper listing is "misc" and "Traditional".

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   20

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Brown Ant - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey! Great little pun there! Very worthy of a 5,5,5 vote.
Brown Ant - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
On the other hand, I don't think that making corrections to anything should be construed as SPAM (no, not the lunchmeat). Spam is inane comments that make no sense, like random garble (ghreu4hure53t0sj and things like that); that's the kind of comments that should be disposed of. Also any comment containing profanity (cuss words).
alvin rhodes - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
all i'm leaving is fives
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
This Tradishunull Song is great fun to work with, I went 20 verses the first time, and that was only after having cut it down from approx 35! (Yeah, I know, I have a tendency to go a little overboard at times). Loved the injokes. Is this on the most parodied list?
Rick C - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
You're right, it was fun! 555
Stephen Harrington - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
555, fun it is, I've had my share of these spammers like alot of people on here and I think it's all the same person doing it.
I don't think so.. - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
^ Como sabes tu?
John Barry - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
What is the sound of one Spam clapping? Sounds sorta like fives.
Adagio - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Jack, you really outdid yourself! A whole lot better than I expected!! 5's. As many as you can hold! : D

Where are the decade, spelling, etc police to slam you? : D
2Eagle - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
You are supposed to have fun on this website. It isn't a college English class with a Nazi professor who gives you an "F" for every punctuation error. Thank you for addressing the fussbugets and nitpickers.
Me - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
I know we're supposed to have fun on this site, but incorrect things can be confusing and/or misleading sometimes.
Rex - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm clapping my hands at this parody. Enjoyed!
Stephen Harrington - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
And there the person is right now, under my previous post(chuckles afterward).
Michael Pachloek - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
That's wrong, Steve.
Stephen Harrington - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, Micheal, you can put in any name when posting comments on this site. I tested it myself, that's why I feel that way about it, plus anytime a cop of some sort a grammer correction pops up, Mr. Critic follows shortly after and "agrees" with them. It's easy to develop a hypothesis like that. I'm not saying I right, I saying it's a STRONG possibility.
Me - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
But you don't know that for an absolute fact. It could be a bunch of people, or it could be the same one or two.. or even 138 people.

Some "site sleuth" developed a strong hypothesis about who was posting all those inane comments under various pen names in 2004-05; those comments immaturely ridiculed ones above. Among those pen names was "Poopie Longstocking" (who I truly believe is now dead, although he seems to have reincarnated as the decade police). "Site Sleuth" figured out who was behind the Poopie Longstocking gimmick.
Michael Pacholek - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
You may be retentive with these fives.
Tommy Turdle - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Hoo wood dare kritisize this song??? Not I -- I mean, not me...
Very well dunn overal and nice rime skemes. 555
Claude Prez - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
This is awesome. Can't stand them anonymous a-holes. Best site-specific parody since Leo Jay's "Be A 'Guest'". Great stuff, Ant of Red.
A. Person - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Yeah, this is great stuff. I, too, dont like certian flubs, but their R sum that we can let slide. I do see why some people choose to be re10tive though.

Thank you for righting such a onederful parody, Read (pronounced in the past tense) Aunt. Ad my vote too the pyle of perfect 5 5 5s'.
Stuart McArthur - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Good one, Red - I caught this thanks to Claude's comment - and way to go with the rhyming triplets! - 555
A. Person - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh dear, I have to "correct" my above comment, it should say "this is grate stuff"...or should it be "great stuph"? Anyway, I'm sure even a 8 yr old would know what I"m talking about.
Red Ant - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Brown Ant, Alvin, Peter, Rick, Step-chan, IDTS, John, Pat, 2Eagle, Me, Rex, Michael, TT, Claude, AP and Stu.

Brown Ant: URLs are pretty much off limits for pointing out mistakes; they aren't spam but deemed inappropriate.

Peter: 20 verses? I'll have to check that out in a few.

IDTS: I don't know Spanish (or is it Latin?); can anyone translate?

2Eagle: Good thing or only maybe 5 of my parodies would have any 5s.

Step-chan: I've always wondered why the grammar/spelling police let me slide; maybe they are still repairing the station spell-checker after I posted my first parody (or comment) from last year, lol.

Me: I'm sure we all have our suspicions on who PL the author was (I know I do), however they are at odds with the commetnor PL. Care to elaborate how "Site Sleuth" knows who PL is?

TT: Berry funetic comment ewe hav they're; as for the question there are people (person?) who would tear a parody to shreds just for having the URL as I do, they appear to have either developed a sense of humor or are taking a break today.

Claude: A very high compliment there, and I'm off to check out Leo Jay's as soon as I get done with Peter's overkill parody.

A. Person: Thanx for uhlau-ing me enormus latitude on this won.

Stu: Triplets?
Stuart McArthur - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
as opposed to rhyming couplets - eg. the enthusiastic/fantastic/drastic rhymes, etc.
Red Ant - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
And "sarcastic" too, though it isn't an end-line rhyme like the others I considered it part of the scheme. Thanks for the mention, usually I don't pay too much attention to perfect rhymes but IMHO it's kind of hard to do this OS well without hitting most of them.
Larry Hensley - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Yeah! That should tell them that their spam is useless. 555's
Phil Alexander - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
If you thought that it was funny, cheer Red Ant
Was it witty and quite punny? Cheer Red Ant
What he wrote is on the money
Ain't it spamicidal fun, he
May well have a number one, he is Red Ant
Calop - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
"I don't think so" wrote his/her/its comment in Spanish. It means: "How do you know?"
Stephen Harrington - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Funny thing is, I've seen a Site Sleuth and a Site Sleuth Unit 2 on one of my parodies, I've since reported them to get rid of the clutter.
Tummy Turning - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Gramma smelling and puncture a shin shudnt cunt. no madder if yew half two stop avery to sickens two fig your owt wut thay reely mint of curse the onely thing thats impotent is your humerus.

The second school of thought believes that this site is dedicated to those who enjoy the skillful use of language for play and entertainment.

Those of both schools expect skill from actors and directors, vote Academy Awards for the most skilled, and do not enjoy movies made by the unskilled. The first school, for reasons unknown, does not believe that writers need similar levels of skill in using the tool of their craft, which is language.

Those who always want to improve their product welcome responsible suggestions as to how to accomplish that from fellow members using their known handles, or recognizable versions thereof, and who are similarly receptive.

Anonymous comments are a different issue. Whether nit-picking the inconsequential or flaming because they don’t like the idea of a certain person or thing being subjected to parody, such anonymous flames are the mark of cowardice, and the proper response is to ignore them.

Perhaps CG could extend password protection to comments as well as songs. Those who wish to post anonymous comments would at least have to manufacture a new nick, password, and email, which might be enough to dissuade these lazy cowards.
rat - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Naw, that's too suggestive. We shouldn't have to do that. I'm sure that might cause problems in the system. Just typing in our name and whatever comment we decide to write should be as simple as one-two-three. 1) Write our name, 2) Type our comment, 3) hit the submit comments button. Why should some complicated step be inserted that would generally make the process longer? It's like Avril La Vigne says, why should you have to go and make it so complicated?
Red Ant - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Larry, Phil, Calop, TT and Rat:

Tommy Turtle: Amazingly enough I was ably to read your first paragraph aloud as I read it with not a stumble. While I wouldn't want to read a parody like that every day, I did make one like that; it did pretty well (Look for "English is illogical !").

There are writers here of all skill levels and I'll agree that a grammatically correct parody is easier to read (btw all typos in this were intentional, unlike many of my other ones) but I rarely even get mildly annoyed at spelling mistakes unless the parody is close to unreadable. As I generally sing/karaoke what I read it makes little difference to me if someone uses 'to, two, too', 'your, you're, yore', etc. since they all sound the same when spoken/sung.

As far as passwords for commenting, I agree with rat; they were proposed before (I believe to eliminate spam) but in the end would cost AmIWriter's more than they would gain.
Who Cares What My Name Is - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
I agwee with yore last comment. If sum buddy on this web sight types a certian word that commmonly gets mistaken for one of it is homophones, I'm shore we would no witch word is intended, hence weed know watt teh person mean's. (Four xample, if they tipe "I think your smart", then it wood be quite obvious that they mean y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e. No knead too tell them that.) Buy the weigh, all misspeled words/homonym confusions/etc in this comment we're intentional, in case yoo havne't figured it out yet.

Won other thing: Hear is another 5_5_5 vote fore yu.
John Jenkins - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Very good parody, but I'm not sure I put bad grammar in the same category with the other "human errors." Most writers keep typographical errors to a minimum, and most readers don't let the errors get in the way of their enjoyment of parodies. But grammar errors are harder to overlook.
Pammy Panda - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
A panda walks into a bar, orders a sandwich, finishes it, pulls a pistol, fires into the air, and heads for the exit.
The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what the heck was that for?"
The panda replies, "Read it right here, Jack!" and tosses the bartender a poorly-punctuated wildlife manual.
The bartender opens it and reads: "Panda: A small, bear-like mammal, native to Asia. Eats, shoots, and leaves."

One of many hilarious examples of the potential pitfalls of grammar and punctuation errors that are described in the book, "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves", by Lynne Truss. Probably should be required reading by fourth grade. More info: ht**tp:// (remove the **)

p.s. Sorry about the "Jack" reference - couldn't resist :)
Red Ant - March 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks WCWMNI, John Jenkins and Pammy Panda.

John Jenkins: I find that when writing parodies bad grammar is a bit more acceptable than in other forms of writing since the OS artists often use incorrect grammar. But I see your point (I think it's probably incorrect to start a sentence with a conjunction, but hey, I'm not an English teacher). ;-)

Pammy: Funny excerpt there. I took a brief look at the link you left and even took the short quiz on apostrophes and commas. I didn't do too well. I probably misused every comma in the parody, but that is because I use them to denote pauses in cadence mid-sentence, and after a sentence when the next line is not quite a full pause in singing, otherwise I would have to type it all out in one line which doesn't fit the screen. No apologies needed, after all I'm not going to apologize for that gigantic run-on sentence I just typed. ;-)
P. Panda aka T. Turtle - March 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?

Before you get too excited, here is the EXACT same wording with NOTHING changed except the punctuation (sorry for shouting):

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

From "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" c2003 by Lynne Truss. (Yes, she used the name "Jack").

So, does punctuation matter? :)
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - March 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Panda/Turtle and Jack: I saw something the other day that was probably due to the so called SMS Syndrome, it was in a patient's journal (but in papers from another hospital, thank Gawd) and it said that the patient had fallen ill at ½ 10 !!! (If you didn't get that - I'm assuming you do but just in case, and for others - it was meant to be "at 09:30".
Red Ant - March 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Tommy Turtle: Yes, punctuation matters. Not that I think every punctuation misstep will end up totally misconstrued like your examples above point out. Careless punctuation rarely leads to two totally different meanings.

or this:

Tommy Turtle: Yes? Punctuation matters not! I think every punctuation misstep will end up totally misconstrued. Like your examples above point out, careless punctuation rarely leads to two totally different meanings.

Wow, that took forever to think up, but you got me thinking, so props for that.

Peter: Funny stuff; my first thought was 5:00.
TT - March 12, 2006 - Report this comment
There once was a Fletcher named Jack
Who put newbie writers on track
I'm sometimes a pedant
But, thanks, Mr. Red Ant
Perhaps, someday, I'll pay you back

Actually, I intend to, later this week - watch the new submissions heh heh heh heh heh heh :)

Glad to have got your gears turning - takes quite a bit of ingenuity to make up those examples, no? So, Dude, you have GOT to read that book (ES&L)! There are lots more like the above. You'll love it, even if you don't become a "stickler" for punctuation, etc. Trust me!!

TT2, the Movie - March 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Here is the all-time classic on the critical importance of punctutaion and capitalization:

A woman is reacting to a man's sexual advances:

Version 1: Don't! Stop! Don't!! Stop!! Don't!!! Stop!!!:

Version 2: Don't stop! Don't stop!! Don't stop!!!
baa - March 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Eye like this won vary Much? Hopfulley know juan will bee confuzed as 2 What eye am Saying inn my Comment! Annie weigh, hear Is another 5..5..5 voat.

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