Brum, burrum, brum, burrum
Brum, burrum, burrum
(and other engine-y sorts of noises)

Why are you driving such a great big car like that?
She said "You mean this one?"
'Cause I got this and a bigger Range Rover
That I use for the school run, oh yeah

And so I asked if fu-el economy
Is ever a serious factor
She said "Of course it is" So I asked
Why do you drive a tractor? oh yeah

It was huge, and obscene
Drinking tons of gasoline
It was big, she was driving an SUV
Gave a cheer - road was clear - we got into second gear
Must have got up to nearly 10 m.p.g.

Well you must be rich to drive cars like that
She said "You got me wrong
It isn't only the gas
I've also gotta pay the charge for congestion," oh yeah
Pick 'em up, drive 'em round
Drop 'em off - what d'you think that this is a taxi?
And what a cost of drivin' Steven and Joanna...
Shove it right up the jacksie, oh yeah

Drinkin' gas, drinks a lot
Drinkin' all the cash I got
Filling up, she was starting to curse a bit
Hard to steer - with a beer - watching Clarkson on Top Gear
Can't afford to drive just for the hell of it

Chelsea, Chelsea, I can see
That when you drive a whopping great SUV
The law from Red Ken turned out to be:
One law for a tractor
And another for efficiency

Oh Chelsea, can't you see
Things ain't gonna change under Boris, he
Will still charge you, outrageously
One law for your tractor
Tee hee - it's not my SUV

Not my SUV
Oh, no, no, no, no