Huge joke, right

I just learned my doctor is a crank (blows)
How'd I work it out (whoo)? Well, to be frank (huge joke, right)
I thought he was a smartie-pants, honestly (I didn't think he was crazy)
Acted like he had brains, trust me (right)
I bought it at first 'cause I don't how these pills work (no, sir)
I don't know how band-aids work (no, sir)
Ayy, I don't know how these things work
But now I'm hospitalised all 'cause of that jerk (okay, okay)

Now, cross my heart, it's true
It might sound bonkers, not off my rocker (c'mon)
I'd trust a plumber dressed up as a doctor
Way before I'd trust this right plonker
Storin' his organs in small ziplock bags (c'mon)
He insists it's good 'cause they're easier to grab (yes)
I never knew how long organs took to go bad (c'mon)
Should be fine, uh, no wonder my lungs were crap
Uh, uh, uh, I'm still alive, dunno how
When he like to stitch with twine, no lies now
He failed so hard, shut his practice down
And yet I still came runnin' back when I thought I had gout

I just learned (whoo) my doctor is a crank (blows)
Shoulda worked it out (whoo) but, to be frank (huge joke, right)
I never knew that much 'bout biology (I didn't think he was crazy)
And his bright white coat looked swanky (right)
Bought his bull at first 'cause I don't how sutures work (no, sir)
I don't know how IVs work (no, sir)
Ayy, I don't know how these things work
But now I'm hospitalised because of that jerk (okay, okay, there's more to it)

I hear ya (c'mon) "What else did he do wrong?"
Got post-op meals wrong and wrote prescriptions real wrong (really wrong)
By that, don't mean his handwritin' is real shit, no
He's got a pill flow to make you sick, dude (damn)
Just sends you home with bottles that I swear he picked at random (no)
I'm pretty sure that half of these aren't s'pposed to work in tandem (ayy)
He's the "fake geek" that's a total myth in fandoms (ayy)
Knows as much 'bout healin' as I my country's anthem (near nothin')
Shoulda really known my doctor is a crank (I repeat)
Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Shoulda really known my doctor is a crank (it blows)
Man, to know straight up nothin' at all, that's a crank
The fault is my own, m-m-m-missin' those traits, c'mon (goodbye)

I just learned my doctor is a crank (blows)
Somehow worked it out (whoo) though, to be frank (huge joke, right)
I thought his quirks were hardly worth a look-see (I didn't think he was crazy)
Swore that he had a PhD (right)
Bought it all at first 'cause I don't how needles work (no, sir)
I don't know how these casts work (no, sir)
Ayy, I don't know how these things work (check it out)
But now I'm hospitalised all 'cause of that jerk (okay, okay, I was the fool, right)

Man, competence is (ayy) all I want (c'mon)
He never tried it, I had to find it out soon-like, of course
And how was that, you ask? I fell for what he gave me (I took what he gave, no more)
Survived his shit so far, might've done greatly (aw, man)
But he said "All you need to sort this affliction
Is to down this barrel of wine with my additions
That'll drown all the bad, awful things (those germ things)"
But it wasn't enough, so this the song I sing 'cause I'll croak

I just learned (whoo) my doctor is a crank (blows)
Yes, I worked it out (whoo) bad, to be frank (huge joke, right)
His "tips" had all worked for me, placebos, see (I didn't think he was crazy)
Only reason they healed dumb me
Is 'cause I'm stupid, 'cause I don't how med stuff works (no, sir)
I don't know how doctors work (no, sir)
Ayy, I don't know how these things work
But now I'm hospitalised because of that jerk (okay, okay)

Ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy
Let's go
No, sir
No, sir, ayy
Goodbye
Ayy, no, sir
No, sir
No, sir