Hooray! Tonight is pizza night
Though it's not what my roomate likes
He never likes the part where I order them
He's always yakking on the phone
He thinks the phone's for him alone
We don't have mobiles, so I just yell to him:

GET OFF THE PHONE! Or pizza's postponed
And when I turn around, don't start talking again, yakking again
GET OFF THE PHONE! I swear that you're stoned
Cuz no matter what I throw, you keep yakking on, keep blabbing on

When cooking tea or working out
You always seem to talk about
Something that can wait 'till I don't need to call
When bringing in your camping gear
Or simply sitting on your rear
I swear that phone's glued to your ear
Please hang up

GET OFF THE PHONE! And don't you say no
And do not say that you don't know how many times, that I have said
GET OFF THE PHONE! Don't say 'I'm alone!'
I'M still here, you fat load! So hang up right now, hang up right now

I practice darts with knives using your picture while you are talking
I practice making nine diff'rent kinds of cake while you are yakking
I practice, nine 'till five, going round the bend while you are blabbing

I remember the day that I bought that phone
I thought I could get food delivered home
But one day, you decided to ring Ol' Don
And before I knew it, you were on that damn phone all night long!

GET OFF THE PHONE! I need to phone home
It's about time that you know, you're pissing me off, pissing me off
GET OFF THE PHONE! If you moan and groan
I'm gonna get you alone, then bash you face in, bash your face in

Bash your face in, smash your face in
Then punch your gut in, kick your gut in
I'm gonna knee your nuts in, drive your nuts in
Then slam your face in, shoot your face in