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Song Parodies -> "Dumbass Soldier Boys"

Original Song Title:

"Crank That (Soulja Boy)"

Original Performer:

Soulja Boy Tell 'Em

Parody Song Title:

"Dumbass Soldier Boys"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "United State of Pop" self-challenge. Imagine if some insane genius made a movie where the angry drill instructor got a musical number...he probably wouldn't set it to friggin' Soulja Boy, but that's what happens in the USOP self-challenge, you gotta deal with the what the general public listens to. Enjoy!
Shoot!
Soldier boys, I tell ya
Hey, I got some new drills for y'all lazy soldier boys
Shoot!
You gotta clean your rifle three times then load it right
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh shoot!

Soldier boys you're really slow
Grab your rifles, duck and roll
Trainin' you dumb soldier boys
Grenades, you cannot throw
Can barely shoot (shitty soldier boys)
Can't aim and shoot (dumbass soldier boys)
My gran can shoot (useless soldier boys)
Better than you (stupid soldier boys)

Soldier boys, you really blow
Try to aim, can't hit at all
Worse than those Stormtroopers, oy
Repeat the drill, you schmoes
Just try to shoot (lazy soldier boys)
Why can't you shoot? (useless soldier boys)
Push-ups for you (ten more, soldier boys)
Try again, shoot (once more, soldier boys)

Soldier boys, not men, hell no!
Real men, they know how to cock
A shotgun and blow
Up a straw dummy I set up
Twenty push-ups now, you sods
"Up yours"? Now it's forty, damn
Learn this lesson, soldier boy
You should never sass back to me, I can shoot
Unlike you bastards, unlike you bastards
We're gon' be here all night
Til I train you bastards, train you bastards
The trumpet sounded, you were tardy
First impressions? You're all lame
You ain't seen me mad, yet
Just wait until dawn, ingrates

Soldier boys, not men at all
Get down in the mud and crawl
I know there's barbed wi-ire, boys
War ain't some pleasant stroll
Stop whingin', scoot (pansy soldier boys)
Through the mud, scoot (whiny soldier boys)
Don't stop, just scoot (useless soldier boys)
Come on and scoot (stupid soldier boys)

Soldier boys, let's try and throw
Some grenades into this hole
Bet you can't aim, soldier boys
Because so far you blow
Okay, who threw (which dumb soldier boy)
Grenades into (which thick soldier boy)
The latrine, who? (own up soldier boy)
Push-ups for you (all you soldier boys)

We hike at half-past four
Not the arvo, but pre-dawn
Bet that you pansies can't stand
After one mile of twenty-four
The worst-ever group of soldier boys, and that's sad
On hikes, I don't break a sweat
You've got overpumpin' glands, damn (damn)
You've lost fluids (too much fluid)
Man (man), you're so useless (friggin' useless)
Nope, you can't have a break, jeez
No, not even with a "please"
Joke, that's what all o' y'all ever gon' be
Now sound off, company

"I don't know what I've been told
But I sure as hell ain't gold
I'm a stupid soldier boy
Who, under pressure, folds
Cause I can't shoot (useless soldier boy)
Can't run, can't shoot (worthless soldier boy)
Can't aim for poop (dumbass soldier boy)
Let alone shoot (stupid soldier boy)"

Don't care if you're feelin' low
I've been yellin' at you dopes
No use for weak soldier boys
So stop bein' emo
I scream at you (whiny soldier boys)
I yell at you (pansy soldier boys)
Stop being tools (whingin' soldier boys)
And try to shoot (worthless soldier boys)

I'm gon' yell at you some more
Didn't do shit, I'm just bored
Livin' Full Metal Jacket
Now go and do some chores
Sweep the barracks, dorks
Clean my office, dorks
Wash the rifles, dorks
Scrub the landmines, dorks

I'm disappointed in you
Showed promise days one and two
But you're shitty soldier boys
So clean the camp, do it
And your hands, do it
Kiss my ass, do it
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh shoot!

Soldier boys, we're in a war
Stop joking 'bout how I'm old
I was once a soldier boy
But I wasn't a dork
Unlike all you (stupid soldier boys)
No hope for you (shitty soldier boys
Can't even shoot (worthless soldier boys)
Desk jobs for you (dumbass soldier boys)

Soldier boys, must say you blow
Said this many times, I know
But you stupid soldier boys
Have heads so damn hollow
No wonder you (dumbass soldier boys)
Can barely shoot (useless soldier boys)
Top army dudes (stupid soldier boys)
Stuck me with you (hate you, soldier boys)

"I got your name! I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet. You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!" - Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 2

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