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Song Parodies -> "*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*"

Original Song Title:

"Sex, Love, Dance, Music"

Original Performer:

Skew Siskin

Parody Song Title:

"*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*"

Parody Written by:

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd

The Lyrics

Being a runner on involuntary injury hiatus is something that really sucks, the only upside is that when I can't run I can at least still write about it, hence I now give you this brand new parody song about a runner who's even more unfit and down in the ditch than what I feel like at the moment. The chorus consists of onomatopoetic words, an idea I've toyed with for a while, God only knows how that part would be solved for a recording though, he-he.
I try to scuttle but I ain't no sleuth
Warmups have me short of air and I cough
I got a stick man's lungs and thighs
But I just wanna run out and get high

So I run one mile and I flutter
And it feels like I should implode
Maybe I'll fall down in the gutter
I wobble down the road, road, road

I chant:
*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*
And then:
*Moan* *Gasp* *Hack* *Rattle*

I lurch and drool and I oughta recede
I'm such a fool that I always proceed
I try so hard but with speed I'm a dud
And I'm miles-obsessed, but move like mud

When my legs start feeling like butter
I can limp but soon I'll be floored
Saliva's starting to sputter
I'm crying out - I'm sore, sore, sore

I chant:
*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*
And then:
*Moan* *Gasp* *Hack* *Rattle*

I won't give up, stop and get cold
That's a way to croak or so I'm told
Duracell legs is my fantasy
Falling to ground is the reality

If I get back up I just trotter
And I'll knock the heavenly door
Come cops arrest me for squatter
That I will plunk for, for, for

I chant:
*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*
And then:
*Moan* *Gasp* *Hack* *Rattle*

*The chorus continues for a while longer, one beat in front of the other*

© Peter Andersson.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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DKTOS - June 06, 2008 - Report this comment
For those who DKTOS (Don't Know The Original Song) it's temporarily available at
Kristof Robertson - June 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Wonderfully descriptive, Peter. Now I remember why I don't run anymore. 555
littleRider - June 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, try horsebackriding! It's more fun, and easy on the joints !
AFW - June 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Very well told story...great use of "Grab ya" adjectives..
Ethan Mawyer - June 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Not being able to run is tough. I don't run as regularly as I used to, but without the running that I still do playing basketball or trying to catch the train (usually about a quarter mile) I know that I would get very restless. LilRider, I tried riding a camel a few months ago. It was walking, and it still hurt. Besides, running and riding are completely different types of exercise. Swimming is much closer to running than riding, and quite gentle on the joints, but the feeling just isn't the same.
Rick C - June 07, 2008 - Report this comment
What Kristof said, very descriptive. I hope you can get back out there and run soon. 555
Nick Zeman - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Peter, Once again good work. Your theme and my theme are very much the same when we talk about how fun and healthy running is. By the way don't worry about whether you have a good voice or not because lyrically your rhymes are spot on. If I was ever recruiting for a group called the Poetic Runners you would be first on my list of people I would like to recruit.
Jason - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM)I agree with Kristof about not running anymore. A stroll suits me better.5s
Max Power - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
If ESPN rates you higher than the Giants' running game, it'll give me another reason not to take them seriously. Great parody btw
Agrimorfee - July 14, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I think the best I scored the mile run in high school was like 8:50. Is it needless to say I hate running for sport still? (I could see this recorded). Funny parody, worked especially well with the rhythm of the OS.
Jeff Reuben - July 21, 2008 - Report this comment
I ran the mile and 2-mile in track in high school, and after running over the weekend in 100 degree heat and 100% humidity, I can say this was pretty accurate :)
McKludge - July 22, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - When I heard the OS start, I thought it was Marilyn Manson's The Beautiful People.
While I can't find any fault with this, it just didn't do much for me. I really don't know why. Sorry.
bobpiecheese - July 30, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I hate running. 100% loathe it. While the title here looks a bit suss at first glance (I think it's the 'snuffle' that does it), this was pretty good, Pete. Hope you get better soon!
Matthias - July 30, 2008 - Report this comment
I had to run the mile run back in High School, and that killed me so I can really, really relate to this parody. Great job!
Phil Alexander - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
I missed this when it came out... I see what you were asking for with a "snuffle" now. Wonderful (he says, speaking as someone who hated running, even when I was good at it). What you need, then, is some good music to listen to while you're running...
Below Average Dave - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Interesting OS song choice . . .anyhow, I thought this one was pretty funny and went well to the feel of the OS. . .
Guy - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM-Jun-08) Unlike our runner in this parody - the parody gets a "leg" up on the competition. I was on the track team in high-school and I remember the distant runs. I was never swift enough to sprint the 50 or 100 yard dashes. Sometimes I felt like your character after a mile and a half long distance run. You took me back a few years as I too wheezed, puffed, panted & shuffled trying to keep up with some what seemed to me like world class sprinters. I did very well however in the running broad jump and high jump. At least I had that going for me. Well done.
Red Ant - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
If I were going to record this, I'd say the words in the chorus and try to find a matching sound effect to follow. Anyway, I liked this, particularly "Duracell legs is my fantasy/ Falling to ground is the reality". Best mile I ever ran was a little over 6 minutes out of boot camp, which was great considering two months before that I could barely finish a mile in twice that amount of time.

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