the scrappy couple enters the bar
amorously close to every mother
the bartender looks up from his c*** ads
all he wants to do
is scratch his b****
and i got a feelin I'm not the only one

some creep next to me
likes to peel the labels off his bottles o bud
they flutter around as they fall to the floor
also, this guys a bore
all he wants is a little stun gun
i have a feelin he's not the only one

all the good people of San Antonio
like to go out with Windex and clean their cars
so they're nice n shiny
like homeboy's hiney
They get all sweated up and enter the bars
Say "All they want to do, is eat bar nuts
I got a feelin he's not the only bum

Some piece o garbage walks up to me
He says his name is Billy but I'm
sure its Slak, Crak or Buddy
& he's just plain homely to me
Couldn't cut a steak with a butter knife
And I wonder if he ever had a day o cum in his whole life
One scrappy couple
Exits the bar

Amorously close to somebody's mother

The fart tender looks up from his XXX ads
He screams All I wanna do, is count my nuts
And I got a feelin that i am the only nut

Meanwhile 3 scrappy couples enter the bar
Amorously scraping and scratching each other
Mac/Buddy peels away more ads from his Bud Light
They all get into a fight
Cops come, they peel em all away
One guy admits he's gay
Cause all he wants to do is have some bum

Until the sun comes up on San Antonio boulevard
And its hard
to live your life this way
When all you took was one creative writing class
And you were told to Freewrite
Write from your experiences
and you came up with this garbage
got frustrated walked outside and threw it out
then Sheryl Crow walked by, picked it up
And put it to music
Now your stupid words are all over the world
& all she wants to do
is have some fun
especially at your expense
you nameless faceless f***

Until the sun comes up and shines on your retarded life