Bat-swingin' heroes
Pumped on the steroids
Can't seem to get enough--
Banned medication
All throughout the nation
Mad teenagers gettin' buff--

Call it addiction
It's not a fiction
Steroids sure are bustin' out--
And José Canseco,
The dumb f***in' a-hole
Why'd he have to open his mouth?

That's the thing about an illegal substance:
Nobody knows it till they find it in your urine...

Oh, uh, oh, my biceps amaze me!
I'm muscled but lazy!
Man boobs, lost pubes!
Oh, uh, oh, pumpin' my pecs, yeah,
3, 4, 5, 6 hours!

Oh, uh, oh, thighs are expanding!
Shrinkin' my man-things!
Losin' my hair, but I'm aware,
Oh, uh, oh, I think I know how Arnold
Schwarzenegger feels--
Damn! I feel like a woman!

(Andromental instrumental)

I been takin' “clear”
And andro in the rear
I gained nearly eighty-two pounds--
I lost my spare tire
I'm ripped like Mark McGuire
Apparently that's out of bounds

The worst thing about being a user:
They never guarantee you'll hit like Barry Bonds and...

Oh, uh, oh, I'm gettin' dejected--
My buttock's injected--
That hurts, sport squirts,
Oh, uh, oh, thinkin' that I oughta cool it for a while--
Oh, uh, oh, feelin' contractions, chemical action's
Stretchin' my shirts, growin' in spurts
Oh, uh, oh, new testy regimes seem to fuel the rage I feel--
Man! I feel like a woman!

The worst thing about illegal steroids
You're bendin' over and they shoot in your buns and...

Oh, uh, oh, I'm feelin' so angry!
Now Congress'll spank me!
Clear stuff, sure ‘nuff
Oh, uh, oh, gettin' subpoenaed, get on up the Hill--
Oh, oh, oh, media blames me!
Publicly shames me!
Estrogen's up, peein' in cups
Oh, uh, oh, I guess it's illegal to feel the way I feel--
Damn! I feel like a woman!

Fines, they tend to enrage me
Can't appeal it
Some, some, summons, Barry
You'll squeal like a woman