(Oh man) Huh?
(I need help man) I can't help you man.
(It's my mom's birthday) And I should help you?
(I don't want to spend any money) That's you. . .
(You got some cards, you know) Man
(I don't wanna sound cheap) But you know it's the truth
(So what. . .)

It's not that I don't care about my fam'ly
Shoping makes my wallet sore
Wal Mart bliss, Sears is expensive, I cannot shop there no more

Oh wait just a second I could
give her one of my C.D.s
That way she'd think it's from the heart
not that I am just being cheap

**Friend**
How can you buy paper for your hardcore lova
Givin her a line about how you've been thinking of hea
You could buy her a watch or give her something worth a dolla
Instead you went up to K mart and you bought her King Size Snicka
To be a romantic now and then you have to pay
One thing if you poor, but you make cash all day
If you are too cheap she may slip away
See the way that she's staring at Jose
**End Friend

I could buy her pens and fake fur (You're Really Cheap)
How about five dollar liqueur (You're Really Cheap)
Order pizza if it will please her (That's Kinda Sweet)
I'm not a very good tipper (Damn you are Cheap)

Not much debt will I go incur (You're Really Cheap)
Never hire a chauffeur (That's cause you're Cheap)
Gotta show her I love her (Stop being cheap)
But spending cash makes me suffer

Christmas time is a good time for a night mare
Spending time down at the store
Dollar place, shopped for the whole office, I won't spend a dollar more

Yes I tried to stop myself
from going on a shopping spree
But I spent two dollars on
My honey on a bag of Sprees

**Friend**
Why don't you head to the grocer to get a nice sweet cake-mix
Instead of buying stupid stuff like them pixie styx
If you were nicer to people it'd prevent rejects
How you want a nice raise if you get your boss V-Necks
You need to go change your ways and you need to change them fast
You could step to flowers and the improvement would be vast
Support breast cancer: while in that line
It's only a dollar and all them girls won't look past
**End Friend**

But I don't want to spend my dollar (You're Really Cheap)
I see the ribbons on the counta (You're Really Cheap)
Do you think they have something smalla (Stop being cheap)
Like closer to a whole quarta (You're Really Cheap)

So what if I'm no big spender (No, it's called Cheap)
I just like legal tender (Why are you cheap)
Cause my ego is tender (You're also weak?)
I don't want debt to occur

Honey came in and she dumped me on my butt
Said my routine's gotten bored
That Jose had bought her some jewl'ry, and she says she feels adored

How could I be so cheap that I
let her slip away from me
Oh well I don't need her,
in fact, now I'll save half my money

Gonna sell all of the pictures that cover up my walls
Spending money on big presents don't make sense, not at all
You won't catch me dead or alive at no darn shopping mall
You may call me cheap or stingy, but I've more cash to ball
So I'm still cheap

So I'm single and I'm keeping my money
Who's that knocking on my door
Holy Christ, It is my old best friend, and he needs a place to snore

We'll go to Red Lobster
like we did when we were in our teens
I guess I'm not too cheap
I'm just not in love with that so called queen