I wonder if there's glow
Left in the wizard's staff
I wonder who will die
And who will run away
I read their epitaph
And I know they served him well
I wonder who will fly
On eagle's wings

Was it Tolkien
Who loved smoking?
And would he still write
If he's here today?

I turn the page
I don't feel safe, anymore

The curse is broken now
And I can move again
No longer paralyzed
Though I might faint away
There's so much left to read
And more orcs left to fight
I wonder who is bright
And who's insane

Reading Tolkien
Leaves me hopin'
And I don't feel like
I can put it down
Hooked on Tolkien
I ain't jokin'
The master who writes
'Bout the Middle Age

Thanks to Tolkien
Smaug's awoken
And I don't think hobbits
Are strong enough
Blaming Tolkien
For the pokin'
Done by a Ringwraith
To that Frodo guy

Fans of Tolkien
Are outspoken
Will argue all night
And half the next day

Half the next day
You can't win that fight
Too hardcore

(in the background)
Wizards and hobbits and elves, oh my!
Wizards and hobbits and elves, oh my!
Wizards and hobbits and elves, oh my!
(fade)