Send someone to help me; You know I'm feelin' old.
And my fireman's gone; On strike again.
So I bought this pump from Sweden. It's got a strap-on mould.
It's own lotion bowl; With cremes and pastes . . .

As my soul; Hides the shame.
I will show; A two-inch gain.
Lord I'm doin'; All I can.
To be a Bigger Man . . .

Go easy on my conscience; You know it's not my fault.
It's a really cold, Shrinkage day.
Rest assured my inches; Are intact my dear.
With this pump right here; We can inflate.

As my soul; Hides the shame.
I will show; A four-inch gain.
Lord I'm doin', All I can.
To be a Bigger Man . . .

When you've pumped yourself up you're bedroom bound.
Love is all around; They'll love you all around.
If you pump it too much it'll touch the ground.
You're a record holder now . . .

Send someone to help me; You know my legs feel cold.
I've sucked all the blood, Out from my brain.
Before I go unconscious; Can you help my dear?
Just put the pump right here; And pump away . . .

As my soul; Hides the shame.
I will show; An eight-inch gain.
Lord I'm doin', All can.
To be a Bigger Man . . .