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Song Parodies -> "Somebody Help Me (I Can't Reach the Highest Shelf)"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Let Me Get Me"

Original Performer:

Pink

Parody Song Title:

"Somebody Help Me (I Can't Reach the Highest Shelf)"

Parody Written by:

Arwen

The Lyrics

Um...I've already established the fact that I'm clumsy...I'm also pretty damned short. *Sigh*
I always wear high heels
I hem my capris
I wear "petite" clothes
And my shorts hang to my knees

Tall boys dated me
But it frustrated me
I was always out of breath
Running just to keep in step

Everyday I fight a war inside the pantry
I'm on my tip-toes straining desperately

I can't reach the highest shelf

Somebody help me!
I stand only five foot three
It's bad when you look like an elf,
So irritating
Don't want to be so short no more
Wish I were tall like someone else
Wish I were tall like someone else

Photos find me
In the front row
If I stand in the back
Then my head won't show

Tired of pushin' my cart
When I'm at Wal-Mart
Climbing inside
So I can reach the Tide

So mister, misterówon't you please get me a step-stool?
A few extra feet would really help

Cause I can't reach the highest shelf

Somebody help me! (Yeah)
I stand only five foot three
It's bad when you look like an elf,
So irritating
(Don't want) Don't want to be so short no more
Wish I were tall like someone else
Yeahhhh

Somebody help me!
I stand only five foot three
It's bad when you look like an elf,
So irritating
Don't want to be so short no more
Don't want to be so short no more

So mister, misterówon't you please get me a step-stool?
A few extra feet would really help

Somebody help me!

Ohhh, I can't reach the highest shelf

Somebody help me!
I stand only five foot three
It's bad when you look like an elf,
So irritating
Don't want to be so short no more
Don't want to be so short no more

Repeat Chorus

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   18
 18
 18
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

D-Boz - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
A great parody, you did a good job on this one!
Adagio - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
That song about you, Arwen? DKTOS, but I'm also a clumsy 5 foot three...I can relate too well. A parody that I wrote 'Klutzy' is about me.
Arwen - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks very much...it is a song about me. I'm clumsy...I'm short...but I'm cute...so...thank goodness people like me anyway!
Arwen - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio...I looked up your other song...I don't know the original...so I couldn't vote. I had read your "Accident Prone" one a while ago...I had written a parody of "Downtown," also about falling down, and was checking to see if anyone beat me to it. YOU did! So...I never posted it...didn't want to be accused of ripping anything off. But it's good to know that you can understand where I'm coming from! =)
Adagio - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
I kinda had a theme going there for a while, huh, Arwen? Yea...they should put little stools here and there in stores...they might sell more stuff. I don't think you would rip me off...words different...title?
Arwen - January 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Well...of course the "downtown" turns into "fall down." it's a lot different...but the same theme. i left it off...no big deal. maybe one day i'll post it.
Paul Robinson - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen, I've HEARD the original song but not in a few months so this one I'll have to get back to after I can find Pink's original. I even liked it a bit as I recall. Arwen & Adagio - nothing wrong with 5 ft & 3, unless the person inside it is a jerk. Don't think that's the case for either of you. OH...stores can't risk putting stools around for clumsy, short folks, though...too much of a chance they will fall off and hurt themselves...Now I know this is sexist but if you flash a cute smile at some guy who's say...oh...maybe 40+ years old and ask him if he can get something down for you he'll probably risk a hernia to do it. OH...alright, I'll listen to the damn Liz Phair song now!
Adagio - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul...you're right about the stools...I'd fall. I have used the other method...works better...lol.
Arwen - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Of course Paul is right...I'd fall off the stool, too. And whenever I get a chance to flirt...I'm on the job...so asking any guy (i'm fairly shamelss and don't have to stick to the 40ish ones) to help me...well, of course that's my plan of action.
Paul Robinson - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio & Arwen, Aha, just as I thought! CLEVER, Short, clumsy girls. OH, by the way, Liz Phair, as you may be aware (can't avoid rhymes sometimes), is 6 ft. & 1 inch. She has a song on her first album (1st track , as a matter of fact, and quite a good one in my opinion) called, oddly enough, "6 ft. 1". The idiot on "Allmusicguide.com" who reviewed the song thought she was 5 ft 2 and resenting some guy for comparing her to said tall girl. Actually she's telling the guy she's decided she's happy with who she is and not interested in trying to be 5-2 for him anymore. I sent them a note pointing out ms. Phair's actual height and my interpretation about 6 months ago but the review still stands at the incorrect height and meaning as of a couple days ago. He did get one thing right, though, as he surmises at the end the she hated the dude. Yes, I must agree, the give-away is the line "And I'm still standing 6 feet 1, instead of 5 feet 2, and I love my life, and I hated you." Not a BIG deal, I guess, but you know how I love to make a big deal out of little stuff sometimes.
Arwen - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
I love that you love that we're clever, short, and clumsy. Not enough men in the world really recognize the appeal in that combination...but look what you get!! Sheesh...thanks, Paul!
Adagio - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Makes me feel less clumsy, Paul, that you appreciate our clever, short, clumsiness. Thanks!
MIchael Pacholek - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
As a fellow klutz, I can sympathize. As someone five-ten (OK, five-nine), I gotta ask: Isn't "Arwen" an elf? If it makes you feel any better, Pink isn't exactly heading for the WNBA.
Arwen - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael...I should have known that YOU...naysayer of all things LOTR, would catch that!!! Yes...the character Arwen...of LOTR fame...IS an elf. I was waiting for someone to point that out. I almost wrote a disclaimer at the beginning explaining that for THIS parody I am referring to the North Pole-esque elves...ie...shorties. Tolkien chose to make his elves tall...and that is great...but that is one thing I don't have in common with THAT Arwen...(i say that like we have everything else in common. like...i'm immortal, and all knowing, and undyingly patient, and kick ass powerful...but dammit...i'm just too short to be her twin. i'm an idiot...=)...) Thanks for the comment!
Paul Robinson - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael P, Arwen & Adagio, Hmmm....seeing a trend amongst parody writers, clumsiness!!...Not sure about the height thing, am no skyscraper at 5'8", though. It appears to run in the family; father and both brothers also WERE 5'8", but they have shrunk with time and infirmities, so I am now the tallest as well as the youngest of the lot by default now. Hope flows eternal, however; my nephew greaty feared being a lowly 5'8" and somehow rose to a majestic 6 feet tall. And he looks too much like the rest of us for it to have been a...ah...new "injection" of genes. "tall elves"...hmmm...never heard of such a thing. Arwen: "immortal, all knowing, undyingly patient, kick ass powerful", what, you want all THAT on TOP of being so god-damned cute? Could anyone stand you if you were? Rather "(s)elfish" of you...Better to leave some for somebody else...think of how freaking busy you'd be with all those additional attributes. No time to write parodies anymore, for sure...
Kitty C. - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Never heard of tall elves? I never really read LOTR and only skimmed the Hobbit but I have read Elfquest and just figure on high elves, wood elves, etc...high elves being the tall ones as well as the original. Think looking like an elf is bad? try a hobbit! 4'11" and I love to eat! Are there any female Hobbits in LOTR? or just elves and humans?
Arwen - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
There are female Hobbits...you can be Rosie Cotton if you want. Thanks for the vote!
Josh - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - love it!
Arwen - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Josh! I've never seen you around any of my parodies before. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Arwen - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Just re-reading your last comment on this one, Paul...thanks for making me smile...=)
Paul Robinson - January 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen, well, as my brother David always said, "if you can't be useful, at least be decorative." I'm not all that decorative and so I try to be useful. I figure most everybody needs a few weird stories and laughs and boy have I got the weird stories!! You, on the other hand,. seem to be both useful, decorative, AND have a rather healthy supply of Amusing/weird/fun stories...Like that...I do, indeed...
Arwen - January 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Awww...thanks, Paul!
pickle - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm 5ft. 2 and have the same problem in shops.
Arwen - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Pickle!
ronald - March 10, 2004 - Report this comment
i know that rich people i have someting in they're heart do not share money with somebody but for me my problem is if somebody can help me please just like $1,000 i need to take care of my child please do me that grace and one day god will give back to you i just want to say god bless you to the person that can help me thank you please help me
Arwen - March 12, 2004 - Report this comment
um...i'm not quite sure what to do with that...but...good luck with your fundraiser.
Kristof Robertson - June 04, 2004 - Report this comment
You get so many comments and not enough votes...well done again (I'm repeating myself now) 555
Arwen - June 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Kristof...you are the coolest! Thanks so much!! Seriously!
Blethar - June 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Ironically in my year at school there is a rather short girl named Arwen who I think likes LOTR. Strange...Neways, gr8 parody. 5-5-5.
Arwen - June 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Blethar. I bet I'm a WAY cooler Arwen than she is...hehehe...; )
Serafina - November 18, 2004 - Report this comment
I've just dusted off yet another one of your earlier parodies; I gotta say, I really enjoyed this one! At times I can relate, except I'm an inch or so taller than you, and I do often wear high heels (in fact, I'm wearing a pair right now :) ). When I go shopping at the store, I don't have too much trouble reaching the top shelf; it's not a problem.

Anyway, this parody was very entertaining; I vote 5-5-5. :)
Arwen - November 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Serafina...thanks a ton! It's really not all that bad being short...gives me an excuse to ask hottie strangers for help...hehe. Thanks again!!

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