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Song Parodies -> "Loch Star"

Original Song Title:

"Rock Star"

Original Performer:

Nickelback

Parody Song Title:

"Loch Star"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

As in the Loch Ness Monster.
Ev'ryone's forming a line
To catch this monster on film
It's like a bottomless goldmine
That I'm never gonna fill
These folks will pay plenty
For something that they'll never see

(It's a load of bunk)

And I am quite surprised
That no-one's said "What a gyp!"
Though they have been close to doing a flip
Of their middle finger, but what's
That by that tree?

(They'll pay anything)

They'd fork out half their cash to get a ticket
Just to whip their cam'ra phone out and click it
It might be floating logs, but
It just means extra cash for me

(Yell "Look, what's THAT?!")

They couldn't care 'bout small purple men from Mars
Or if gangsta's kill if you flash their cars*
Something might be down there
Waiting for kids to eat

(Oh wait, did I just say that?)

I've got more cash than I'd ever dream I'd have
I guess a lot of folks believe this crap

'Cause they all just wanna see that Loch star
And take a blurry picture, then they'll hit the bars
The beers come quickly and the brags get high
The photo's eaten so they still swing by
So they can take one more grainy snap
This cycle repeats 'til it's their dirt nap
All the fat, dumb tourists
Gonna wind up here
And they'll take their pictures
And order their beers

Hey hey, they wanna find the Loch star

Hey hey, they'll never find that Loch star

When I first heard about Nessie, I laughed my ass off
Though they said tourists pay just to take a snap of
Anything that looks a bit
Like the monster that they came for

(So I got an idea, ha ha)

I wrote a sign that said
"Just two pounds for pictures"
With the words "Loch Ness" with it's head depicted
Then I bought a length of rope so only
Folks who paid me could go

(And the people fell for it?)

This gig's almost as good as fortune and fame
It's a good thing those folks don't have a brain

'Cause they all just wanna see that Loch star
They'll try to film that beastie then get in their cars
The cash flows easy, 'cause the folks are thick
They'll lose their picture and come back real quick
So they'll pay up just to catch a blur
They'll show me their find and I'll say "Sure, sure
Now you've got your pictures
See that building there?
That's my little gift shop"
And they just go spare

'Cause if there's one thing that tourists like
Is to buy a little something for their screaming tykes**
I may be quite a prick, but it's all worthwhile
When I see those little faces light with a smile, when

Hey hey, they get a plushie Loch star

I'm gonna sell my crap
With my main man Spencer
Got some Loch Ness Monster style Pez dispensers

I'll get caught for doing this once again
I'll just get a nose job, cut my hair, change my name

'Cause they all still wanna see that Loch star
It's not like they will believe in those men from Mars
Their cash flows easy 'cause I'm selling cheap
And Spencer's out there in those waters deep
With his costume from the costume shop
And he'll splash around, but it's hard to top
That mini tape player
That is waterproof
Makes a roar so loud
That you'll soil your boots

And it's quite foggy here at Loch Ness
So when Spencer's in his get-up with the large headdress
The one that looks a lot like a monster's head
It's a pretty simple gag just to make some bread

Hey hey they'll try to see that Loch star
Hey hey Spencer's the only Loch star

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   14
 14
 14
 

User Comments

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LadyLochs - August 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, quite nice read about Ms Nessie
Peregrin - August 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Heh heh! I have to observe Nessie has been largely ignored in the parody world so well done!
Matthias - September 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Good idea Conquerer, one of the main characters of my Great Scam Artist parody, along with Bigfoot. This was pretty clever to a great OS that has been taking Amiright like a storm.
Agrimorfee - September 17, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) TCOP, you have conquered this tune. I would say that the Mighty Spaff should bow to your feet...what a great idea, so different from the other Rock Star parodies that have come down the pike, and not a line wasted. I think we have a winner right here!
EmiLoca - September 17, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This read very well and had some very funny bits: i.e. "...but what's that by that tree?", etc. Nickelback is awful Wal-Mart rock but this made me a believer. :-)
Dr Music - September 17, 2008 - Report this comment
I love this song. I happen to be a close friend of the Loch Ness monster and let me tell you she is a joy to hang out with. Nessie is ever so nice when you get to know her.
Peter Andersson - September 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I bet the real Nessie is hiding 555 meters below. Good stuff. First parody about Nessie I've read I think so kudos for originality too.
Dr Music - September 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Some people claim to see her, but it's usually revealed to be a parade float or something. Nessie's a mystery. There's a beanie baby of her I think- her name is Mystery.
Guy - September 21, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM-Aug-08)

I never did one on Nessie, but I did do one a while back on the chupacabra. I think they should catch Nessie and build a stadium around a giant commode and charge admission to see the beast. They could call it Elliot Ness, Al Commode and the unflushables. Great subject material and great parody. Very fresh material. Way on past run-of-the-mill.
Dr Music - September 21, 2008 - Report this comment
You've done a great job. I love mythical monster themed parodies.
Max Power - September 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Great work
Below Average Dave - September 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Ha ha-very good job TCOP, one of your best easily, and about a topic that isn't among your norm. . .this song seems to be the next big parody target, good job getting in on it fairly early.
Jeff Reuben - September 29, 2008 - Report this comment
I agree. Very, very good. Love the topic, worked well with the song, and lots of funny lines. I really enjoyed this one!
Phil Alexander - September 30, 2008 - Report this comment
I wasn't expecting this to be this good, TBH: there didn't seem to be that much to wring from the subject matter - but there are lots of great lines, beautifully strung together. I'm impressed.
RynoReords - November 08, 2008 - Report this comment
This has to be the funniest parody I have seen in a while.
Invisible Boy - March 31, 2009 - Report this comment
I admire your entrepreneurial spirit here...
Red Ant - April 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Sorry I missed this tcop - it is really good, and you wrung a lot from the subject. What's with only 10 votes? Anyway, excellent work here man. 555
Timmy1000 - July 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Very good tale about suckers who will buy into anything.
Agrimorfee - July 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Having this one in the round makes my life easier to decide the high scorer.
Leo Keough - July 17, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC5(L) Great title switch and follow-up with an original theme!!!...555!!! (Security code - FAN)
Guy - July 18, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC05L)

What I said above in comments for SOTM. The closest I've come to doing a Nessie spoof was one I did abut a month before this one on the Komodo Dragon - yea we need more stuff like the Chupacabra, bigfoot and Nessie. Loved what you did with this one still. You've heard of "Don't mess with Texas" - Well how about "Don't mess with Loch Ness"? But mess with her you did and quite well may I add.
Below Average Dave - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
This one was very well rhymed TCOP, I still think it's one of your best, and to a difficult song. I think what makes this different from say Cowboy and some of the other difficult ones that I've mentioned rhyming is you seemed to spend more time fine tuning the rhymes, and took time coming up with a unique and original idea for it, as I've said before, this one is one of your very best, still very much loving it, and better still, one of (in my opinion) the best songs that made it on me and Matty's Epic 40 list.
Stuart McArthur - July 22, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) wow, I can't believe you came up with so much material to flesh out (er monster-flesh out) this idea, bobpie. Of course Arwen and I know that the famous image is not of the Loch Ness monster at all, but of Duncan the last of the Scottish non-swimming elephants as he takes his last gulp of air through his trunk, as the waters of the loch rise and drown him - it's obvious really - 555
Arwen - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm over here sniffling...rainy days and thoughts of Duncan always get me down.
Red Ant - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
See above!
Invisible Boy - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Great title switch TCOP. I enjoyed this more on the second read.

Arwen, isn't that a Carpenters song ?
Jeff Reuben - July 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Still enjoyed it...see above!
Matthias - July 25, 2009 - Report this comment
I remember this one vividly because it's one of your most original ideas T-Cop. If only all of your parodies could be this original and not about the same topics that you use over and over again mainly Transformers, School, and Food it's nice to see some variation once in awhile. Thus this one has to be your best, which you know because it did so well in the SOTM.

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