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Song Parodies -> "The Christmas Thong"

Original Song Title:

"The Christmas Shoes"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

NewSong

Parody Song Title:

"The Christmas Thong"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

Christmas Eve at half-past-six
Stuck in line at the Freder-icks
Tryin' to get me an interview
For a job to guard the fitting room

Standing right in front of me
Was a - little boy on a shopping spree
Holding boots from the leather display
And body oils and best - some lingerie

When he pulled his wallet out
A picture fell to the ground
The hottest babe I'd ever seen
And what the boy said was a yuletide dream:

Sir, I wanna buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and I bet it fits just right
Could you hurry, sir?
Santa said he's stopping by
You see, Mom's been single way too long
So I - know she needs this Christmas thong
'Cause I - want it to be memorable
If Mama meets Santa tonight

Oh how those sugar plums danced in my mind
Then the cashier said, Kid, your card was declined
He muttered some profanity
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said, Mom can't stand being lonely, ya know
So I - bet she's hung some mistletoe
Without this, tonight would be all wrong
Somehow I've got to buy her
This Christmas thong

So I slapped my Visa down
I was glad to help him out
And I knew that I'd hit the jackpot because
Then he said, Sir, you must be Santa Claus!

Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and it's getting dark outside
Could you drive me home?
Mama's in a bubble bath
You know, she's been single way too long
And I'm - sure she'll love this Christmas thong
And I - want it to be magical
If Mama nails Santa tonight

But when we got into my SUV
Well he pulled a pistol out
He said, Hey sucker, give this car to me
You - know gifts are
What Christmas is all about

[Child:]
Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and this thong will do her right...

[Fade remainder of verse. Voice answers telephone:]
Police. A carjacking, eh? There's been a string of those. Let me guess - six-year-old kid. Told you his mommy's dying. No - this time she's a supermodel? Oh, he's good. We've been after him for years. Yes, sir, we'll keep our eyes open. And Merry Christmas.

[Refrain - Child:]
I want it to be beautiful
If Mama nails Santa
Tonight

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   2
 1
 1
 
 5   22
 23
 23
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ashkicksass - December 24, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! I am dying!!!
John Jenkins - December 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Maybe you can still get the guard job. Very well told story, Spaff.
Know 1 can hear you dream - December 25, 2004 - Report this comment
What? That happened to you too? That kid really is good.
Jack Wilson - December 26, 2004 - Report this comment
I read this on your site this is awesome!
Spaff.com - December 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Sister Kicksass & Johnkins & Peterchyd & Jackie. If you don't know the original, count your blessings.
Kristof Robertson - December 28, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, Spaff, but who cares? This is a humdinger....555
Spaff.com - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Fotsirk Nostrebor. And you're lucky not to know the original. It may be the worst song EVER.
Kraisins - November 24, 2006 - Report this comment
I was just complaining about how much I HATE that song! Good job!
Spaff.com - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Kraisins: You and me both, man. Thanks.
ckelts - May 04, 2007 - Report this comment
I got to hear this. The lyrics are great. is available anywhere?
Spaff.com - August 18, 2007 - Report this comment
ckelts: Thanks. No recording yet, but maybe I can blackmail someone into doing it this year.
HERE'S ROBERT LUND'S RECORDING - December 05, 2008 - Report this comment
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/christmas_thong.html
Invisible Boy - December 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Loved the recording Mr. Spaff. I was grinning and smiling along, but when the children's choir came in at the end, I spit coffee through my nose. Great production decision.
It seems that you and I are the only ones here that have taken on this OS. But, mine was from my newbie/darker days.
Agrimorfee - December 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Just gonna jump to the web site now, just because it has a children's choir...I will be prepared to weep with laughter. :) Thanks for the tipoff, IB...and thanks for the giggles Spaff & Robert!
Stan Hall - December 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Terrific spoof, Spaff. Glad I saw IB's comment as the parody predates my AIR tenure.
Spaff.com - December 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, IB & Aggro & Stan! I'm glad you caught Robert's recording. That's his daughter, Macy, at the end. I agree: her vocals take this to a whole nother level.
Spoof-Man - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Forget Tim Allen, I think this Christmas i'll be Santa!! Ho,Ho,Ho!!! Awsome song Spaff!!
littleCupCakes - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
To the entire ' throng ' at Spaff.com: Have a very Merry Christmas! Hope to see your parodies looking fine in 2 0 0 9.
Christie Marie M - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Well done, Spaff! Have a nice holidays! Merry Christmas to everyone on AmIRight!!
Demento fan - January 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Happy New Year! I love this song! It inspired me to buy my husband a Christmas thong ;-)
Spaff.com - January 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Thank you, Spoof-Man & littleCupCakes & CMM!

Demento fan: I hope he wore it to the office party.
Jeff Wilder - December 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Love this. Unlike some of the other commenters I'm very familiar with the original version and I absolutely LOATHE it. This one makes it easy to endure. Just when I have to hear it I'll think of this one instead. I also did a parody that's nowhere near as good as this one.

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