Christmas Eve at half-past-six
Stuck in line at the Freder-icks
Tryin' to get me an interview
For a job to guard the fitting room

Standing right in front of me
Was a - little boy on a shopping spree
Holding boots from the leather display
And body oils and best - some lingerie

When he pulled his wallet out
A picture fell to the ground
The hottest babe I'd ever seen
And what the boy said was a yuletide dream:

Sir, I wanna buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and I bet it fits just right
Could you hurry, sir?
Santa said he's stopping by
You see, Mom's been single way too long
So I - know she needs this Christmas thong
'Cause I - want it to be memorable
If Mama meets Santa tonight

Oh how those sugar plums danced in my mind
Then the cashier said, Kid, your card was declined
He muttered some profanity
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said, Mom can't stand being lonely, ya know
So I - bet she's hung some mistletoe
Without this, tonight would be all wrong
Somehow I've got to buy her
This Christmas thong

So I slapped my Visa down
I was glad to help him out
And I knew that I'd hit the jackpot because
Then he said, Sir, you must be Santa Claus!

Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and it's getting dark outside
Could you drive me home?
Mama's in a bubble bath
You know, she's been single way too long
And I'm - sure she'll love this Christmas thong
And I - want it to be magical
If Mama nails Santa tonight

But when we got into my SUV
Well he pulled a pistol out
He said, Hey sucker, give this car to me
You - know gifts are
What Christmas is all about

[Child:]
Sir, we gotta buy this thong
For my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and this thong will do her right...

[Fade remainder of verse. Voice answers telephone:]
Police. A carjacking, eh? There's been a string of those. Let me guess - six-year-old kid. Told you his mommy's dying. No - this time she's a supermodel? Oh, he's good. We've been after him for years. Yes, sir, we'll keep our eyes open. And Merry Christmas.

[Refrain - Child:]
I want it to be beautiful
If Mama nails Santa
Tonight