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Song Parodies -> "Illegitimate"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Nelly Furtado

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Are you my daddy?


Didn't think so

Where'd you come from lil'baby, that droolin' that you doin's really drivin me crazy
You got this young player trying to hope, I could tell you wasn't mine first time that you spoke
I'm looking for my daddy who will teach me right, tell me why I have a "fro if my skin is light
You're not my DNA type, if I'm right paternity will tell by the end of the night
You expect me to just walk out the door
Because you say my mom was a whore
Well if the pants fit you should wear them right, But those pants were on the floor about every other night
I'll be the first to admit it, you could be mine, I do remember hitting it
You're gonna pay my child support, get locked in it
Pay for my stroller, c'mon and admit it

Illegitimate child, don't know your name
Yea I slept with your mom, she's just a ho in the game
Promiscuous Dad, the test will soon show
There's DNA proof that I have your same nose
Illegitimate child, don't know your mom
She's just some girl that I had sex with at prom
Promiscuous Dad, Please be my daddy
It's the 5th house I've been to since Saturday

My hair is red and my eyes are blue, but my hairline recedes at the same point as you
Hey, I can't deny a coincidence or two, but that doesn't mean I'm starting a college fund for you
You're out of your mind, look at my cheek bones damnit
You're just in denial, don't pretend you cant handle it
You like Dorritos and I like Cheetos,
You're white like Michael and I'm black like Tito
I'm a big girl I can handle myself, but if my mom goes broke I may need your help
Pay attention to me, buy me toys from the shelf
But you look like you're a teen
So does everybody else
I got a wife so lets keep this on the low
Ill toss a couple dollars just don't let nobody know
That may come off a like weird, but I don't mean it like that yo
Are you R.Kelly? What you take me fo'

I ain't yo dad, you're not my seed
You're my dad, don't be mean
I ain't you dad, you're not my seed
You're my dad, your sperm made me

Wait, where is your mom, why'd she leave you here on my porch lawn
When I left home she had nothing on, she said the electrician lost a spark and she had to turn him on
Turn him on
What does that mean?
You're way too young, you shouldn't know these things
I'm only tryna make you the main defendant
When I bring your ass up on the Bradley Amendment
You're not mine, you're full of lies
I'm pretty sure I pulled out that night
You're just my daddy, you're so funny and brash
But I wonder why you're black yet I look like Steve Nash

Illegitimate child, whoever you are
Please leave me alone, I've got a girl in my car
Promiscuous Dad, I'm calling the cops
You're years behind due, I couldn't buy my flip-flops
Illegitimate child, stop teasing me
I don't have your face, not even on a fake ID
Promiscuous Dad, go on and stick to your story
I'm taking your asson Maury

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   3
 5   16

User Comments

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Theo - September 04, 2006 - Report this comment
yeah boi finally got around to writin good job man
S.T.G. - September 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey fothermucker! Long time no see. Good to see aother familiar face
Kitty - September 30, 2006 - Report this comment
This is so funny! I love it!!!
tomario - October 09, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM-oh the joys of un-protected sex very 70s.555
Agrimorfee - October 11, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow, good job BLO-TOWN! Glad that you included a video link, otherwise I wouldn't have enjoyed this as much. Folks, give this one a chance if you haven't heard it/read it.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - October 14, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - Don't know how some hos can suckseed in getting the wrong guy to pay up...
Rick C - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Yeah, Maury should be able to sort this out. Good job but, there are a lot of the original lines in here. Still have to give it 555 though.
Matthias - October 21, 2006 - Report this comment
It takes some serious balls to do rap! Great job with this!
The Charstar - October 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Jack Wilson - October 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Michael McVey - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks for reminding me why I left America. 5's---MM
Phil Alexander - October 27, 2006 - Report this comment
This song must have been a real bastard to write...
Tim Mayfield - October 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) So that's what DNA means... Daughters Need Answers. Great write. 5's
Jeff Reuben - October 28, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM-Not bad. Tough OS.
Red Ant - October 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A lot of good lines in here BLO-TOWN, but my favorite was "said the electrician lost a spark and she had to turn him on". And the Maury Povich ending was a great and fitting one. Indeed, a tough song.
wannabemustangjockey - October 29, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - That OS must have been a nightmare to parody, what with all the borderline-impossible-to-understand mumbles. I imagine this scene plays itself out all over the world every day ... just not always with a rap beat in the background. Forget Maury, Jerry Springer will be more fun. Then take him on the People's Court after that.
Stuart McArthur - October 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) wow, that is some masterfully-assured writing BLO-Town (what a name!) and hopefully we'll see more of your stuff round here - the rhythm of the lines was spot-on, and the internal rhyming a real feature - excellent work - 555
bobpiecheese - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Hey...I remember you! I was dancing around in happiness when I got ahead of you in the Parody Author page....but anyway....that was very funny, but you lose a point for just saying 'chorus' which Red Ant told me not to do.
Kristof Robertson - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow, Blo! Harsh as hell, but masterfully written, and dripping with dark humour. 555

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