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Song Parodies -> "Ruth Kelly"

Original Song Title:

"Grace Kelly"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Mika

Parody Song Title:

"Ruth Kelly"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Something that I guess only the Brits here will have a clue about: I doubt Mika has travelled far, and Ruth Kelly is not the world's most charismatic cabinet minister...

Anyway, after a tranche of Labour ministers admitted smoking cannabis in their youth, this article suggested that there may be an ulterior motive: to warn youngsters of today about the worrying possibility that if they smoke cannabis, they may end up as a cabinet minister. Like Ruth Kelly. A truly scary thought...
[Spoken]
Male voice: I want a toke or two...

Female voice: The last time you toked, Mr Smith, you ended up as a Cabinet Minister. I promise you, it won't happen again

[Sung]
Am I so cool
Am I a fool
And is my skinning up wrong?
Should I stop smoking
Should I stop toking
Should I stop hitting the bong?

It's getting sin'ster
I could be min'ster
Up to all those knavish tricks
If I carpe diem
Will I be PM?
Does cannabis cause politics?

Don't want to be like Ruth Kelly
Don't want to end up a bore
Smoking grass - eating jelly
Ain't gonna toke it no more

End up so dour
End up in power
End up in Opus Day-yee
End up so boring
(Or end up whoring)
End up a public payee
Give up the tablets
Give up the habit
Give up the smoking of grass
Will they elect me?
When they elect me
Will I just talk out my a***?

[Spoken]
Getting toked up doesn't solve anything

[Sung]
How can I do it?
How come I blew it?
How can I be an MP
Kissin' the babies
Pickin' up rabies
Being Home Secretary
Will you abhor me
Will you vote for me
Or vote for anyone else?
Too apathetic
Am I prophetic
That I'll be left on the shelf?

Don't want to be like Ruth Kelly
Although her job ain't that hard
Don't want to be seen on telly
Prattlin' about ID cards??

I could be Brown
I could be Blair
I could be Cameron as well
I could be silly, man
I could be Milligan
I could be boring as hell
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta look good on TV
So they elect me
Never reject me
In power permanently

Say what I want to publicise myself
But I only say what everybody else
Thinks I should say
Should say...

If I were Brown
I would be down
If I were Cameron... ewww..
If I were Blair
No longer there
Would I be down, feeling blue?
Gotta be Ming
Gotta have bling
Gotta be Liberal Dem
Give your vote to me
A Raving Loony
Won't have you voting for THEM

I could be Bush
I could be Gore
I could make everyone ill
Maybe I'm hintin'
I could be Clinton
I could be Hillary or Bill
Could be so cozy
Being Sarkozy
Maybe that doesn't sound bad
Would you elect me
Would you elect me
If I were Armadinejad?

[Spoken]
Sir Humphrey, we're leaving
Kerching!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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AFW - August 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Very funny political spoofing..many clever lines, here
ISTA - August 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Maybe it's just `cause potheads would "mellow out" about the whole "gotta-go-convert-the-infidels-to-Democracy-so-let's-bomb-them" thing. I'd hate to imagine what would happen if we had a heroin addict come into power on a really bad trip. There's something scarier than Ruth Kelly.
Jason - August 16, 2007 - Report this comment
A 'fun-litical' (fun political) read. 555
Kristof Robertson - August 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Ruth Kelly....*shudder*

Mika....*double shudder with a whisky chaser*

Congrats, Phil...you've managed to reference two of the most appalling people in the UK in one song! Kelly gives Catholicism a bad name; and Mika gives...well, other people named Mika a bad name. This however, was absolutely spliffing...I mean, spiffing! 555
Tommy Turtle - August 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Bill Clinton admitted to toking, but said he "didn't inhale", which makes about as much sense as taking a swig of beer and spitting it out... DKTOS and DKTOC (Characters), but got the picture. Put these Fives in your pipe and smoke them.
stuart mcarthur - August 17, 2007 - Report this comment
wow, a lot of effort there for a limited audience, Phil - one that excludes me as I've never heard of the woman - doesn't stop me appreciating lines like "If I carpe diem Will I be PM?" - 555
Jack Wilson - August 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Congrats on parodying Mikantsinginalloctavesthatwell. 5s
Phil Alexander - August 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone :-)
Stu - children have been listening to the OS, so I've had it in my head. And it fit the story so beautifully, I couldn't resist.
Jack - yeah, recording this would be a bit of a vocal stretch, wouldn't it?
mimi - October 15, 2007 - Report this comment
muahaha, this is so funny! I heart mika and even though I know nothing about british politics i understood enough to still be laughing. good job!

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