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Song Parodies -> "Patrol The Pool"

Original Song Title:

"Control Myself"

Original Performer:

LL Cool J

Parody Song Title:

"Patrol The Pool"

Parody Written by:

Blaydeman

The Lyrics

being a lifeguard can be a bitch sometimes.
Si me puedo controlar
Y estoy aqui en la piscine
Voy a ahorrar… ya tu sabes
Uno, dos, tres… tu nadas

Y’all know what this is, life…guard’s… life

The pool was far empty
There’s three parties at the entry
I sit and gaze as each kid plays
To doze off is so damn tempting
I saw this small boy runnin’
I could tell bad things were comin’
He dove right on in, and hit his head
His blood, began runnin’
I could feel my heart start beating
While others were retreating
There was a slight pause, wrapped wound in gauze
And the EMTs are fleating
My chest began to flutter
Saved the life of another
I had to go tell the mother
Her son still has a brother
She said

You got, you got, you got
What it takes to save people from death

It’s hard to patrol the pool
It’s hard to patrol the pool
I got, I got. I got
What it takes to ensure no one drowns
It’s hard to patrol the pool
It’s hard to patrol the pool

It’s hard for me to patrol the pool
And control the pool
And guarding all their lives
I feel alive, I feel alive, alive

Large parties are annoying
With all the rules, they are toying
Don’t know where this is going
Cuz there’s just no way of knowing
The kids were playing chicken
The girls were all kickin’
Knocked down and they are flippin’
And then a nose is drippin’
They pool became all scarlet
Like Jaws had come to visit
I blew my whistle swiftly
And they vacated so quickly

You know I have to comment
Really hate it when you vomit
Because I have to clean it, you know I mean it
Please go get the Comet
She said

You got, you got, you got
What it takes to clean up all my puke

It’s hard to patrol the pool
It’s hard to patrol the pool
I got, I got, I got
What it takes to get fed up with this
It’s hard to patrol the pool
It’s hard to patrol the pool

It’s hard for me to patrol the pool
And control the pool
And guarding all their lives
I feel alive, I feel alive, alive

They ran toward
The dive board
Slipped forward
His head floored
He scrapped his side and broke his arm
Lifeguard alarm, it did him harm
I’m observing the masses
And then a hot girl passes
Her body was magnetic
Her face, I’ll never forget it
Her top was small and yellow
Sun bathing and she says hello
When I feel like this I must resist
I have to watch the swimmers
She says

You got, you got, you got
What it takes to watch people have fun
It’s hard to patrol the pool
It’s hard to patrol the pool
I got, I got, I got
What it takes to protect people here
It’s hard to patrol the pool
It’s hard to patrol the pool

[J-Lo] It’s hard for me to patrol the pool
And control the pool
And guarding all their lives
I feel alive, I feel alive, alive

Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub

Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub


Uh, yeah, I need everybody to swim with a buddy
Right… Now!

Breast stroke, breast stroke, breast stroke

Haha, you know who I am
January 18, 2011 Please Rate and comment!

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   2
 0
 0
 
 5   6
 7
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Below Average Dave - February 23, 2011 - Report this comment
I love the idea. . .but I have to admit I had a little trouble with the pacing, also some of the rhyme scheme seemed to change--though it still worked, overall good, but could be a little better with more editing, this one is a rare one where repetition really is the best option for the choruses in my opinion--particularly because of the topic
Matthias - March 01, 2011 - Report this comment
I loved this one! I actually worked as a lifeguard so this was fantastic!
Matthias - March 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Got to listen to this one finally and I totally disagree with Dave. This one was paced beautifully and honestly think this was one of your best parodies and to such a great original song!
bobpiecheese - March 18, 2011 - Report this comment
(HHS) Very well written parody, near perfect pacing, original idea, and even what I think is Willy Wonka reference ("Don’t know where this is going/Cuz there’s just no way of knowing"), though maybe that's just a coincidence. 555 arm floaties for you!
Blaydeman - March 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow TCOP, surprised u caught that! Yeah the original Willy Wonka was on TV the day I started writing this!
Matthias - May 17, 2013 - Report this comment
Still disagree with Dave. The pacing rocked! This one was hilarious! I worked as a Lifeguard and I can totally relate to this one and I like the fact that all these people talking to the character work so well into the parody.
Abbott Skelding - May 18, 2013 - Report this comment
Never heard the OS before, but I really liked the title switch...and I agree with Matty that the pacing was pretty spot on. However, it didn't really make me laugh out loud, even though you really put a lot of detail in there and described the character really well. Good job!
Agrimorfee - May 25, 2013 - Report this comment
Pacing was ok, not enough to knock down from 5. But I guess I am alone in saying that this just wasn't funny for my senses. Sorry.
Max Power - May 28, 2013 - Report this comment
Got to watch out for the skinny dippers.
bobpiecheese - May 29, 2013 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above!
brightCAP - May 31, 2013 - Report this comment
This would make a great video! It shouldn't be too difficult to find some jaded lifeguards. You had some nice rhymes throughout. I enjoyed the line "With all the rules, they are toying" because I like seeing the sometimes strange rules posted outside of pools. And I like that the narrator takes the rules seriously. My favorite line was probably this: "Uh, yeah, I need everybody to swim with a buddy"

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