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Song Parodies -> "American Beardass"

Original Song Title:

"American Badass"

Original Performer:

Kid Rock

Parody Song Title:

"American Beardass"

Parody Written by:

Dr Darren Newstead

The Lyrics

I have a friend who has been shaving since he was about 12. So I wrote this cover version for him. It's a private joke really, but I think the wit and wordplay can be appreciated by outsiders. I also did the intro from 'History of Rock' 'cos it's just before it on the album. Bye.

Our lesson begins in the small town of Buntingford, Hertfordshire 1980
Several beards ago on the westside of Monks Walk
I shaved sorely with the old and new school brands of Bic shop
Gillette Mellow, wet steel, and boy, they left my face fresh
Blockin' plugholes and vanity tables day by day and night by night
But still the face was not yet complete
That's when we met a homeboy by the name of Kid Rob
Others had doubts and laughs because he was white
But I knew what time it was and so I put him behind the chin stubbles
and this is all he had to say

Pluck, Pluck, Pluck, Pluck, Pluck...Pluck Off

This Is The History Of Rob

American Beard Ass

And I wet up and shorn down this face with my own two hands
We've travelled this land packed tight in Mini's, man
And all this for the beef, razors, money and foam
I shaved their face
and As they cream my chin
I will shave no lame
I live and die for this
And if I come off bald
Then chin on this!

Are you haired?

Stubble without a cause
It grows back with the beaver hats (!)
And really tight slacks
30 packs of Bics
Family pack of Twix

No menthol in the Gillette flow
The shaven one
I'm the hairless proof
With the shaving rash
From the Barbers of Truth
I jabbed and stabbed
And trimmed facial hair back
And I did not draw blood when I did that
I went to Perrins
To shave in lines
I went to Perrins
Seven times
And still they trim
They wanna see us smooth
I guess because only Rob knows why
Why why why why why

They call me cowboy
Because I eat all the beef
So flip a burger in the air and let me see where it lands
Say shave shave
Let me stroke your chin mat
And say shave shave
I'm growin' it back
So say shave shave
Show me some stubble
And say
Shave shave shave shave
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fat!!!!!

I like Steps, The Corrs and other pop
I keep all of my music in my car glove box
Bewitched, Garbage, Top of the Pops
Never bother switchin' on my mobile phones
Pass that razor around
Got the beard from Detroit
Moustache from Motown
The tiny-shoed, beard-pluckin gimp
We slash the chin and slap on the Lynx
Never long to stay
I have to get right back
But watch me trim with Wilkinson in a flash
Don't like pubey 'tache
Goatee's are trash
I like massive beards and handlebars to match
Match match match match

We're leaving now, boy
I'm the pixie in shoes
So throw my gown on the floor because I've had a quick snooze
Say Lemay Lemay
Let me get in the car
And say Lemay Lemay
I'm reversing it back
So say Lemay Lemay
I'm having some trouble
And say
Lemay Lemay Lemay Lemay
Uh uh uh fat!!!!!!

Yeah, I saw your beard
Floppin about on your chin like a bunch of wooly strands
When you gonna learn sucker?
You just can't f**k with

I'm an American beard ass
Watch me trim
You can roll with Rob
Or you can shave my chin
My chin is really smooth
Got an amazing face
I'm gonna cut some hairs
And gonna block this sink
Super hair
Chin double wide
Grease up my Bic
To make it extra slick
F**kin sack of hair
Droppin' beard strands everywhere

Got the shaving foam stingin' Gillette Mach 3 in the hair

Tiny size 5 boots, 65 Revel's
See me cut my chin
Watch my razor melt
The hair clogs the foil
As it tends to do
And the one I just destroyed was quite new

Who knew my chin'd have a healthy cover
Lunchtimes at school
I slapped on a burger
Smell the aroma
Check my steaks
I know it stinks in here
Cause I burnt the meal meal

They call me Robson
Pass my bar from the back
Gonna pop down to the chemists just to buy some more gel
Say Lemay Lemay
I can't see where you're at
Say Lemay Lemay
Gotta jelly bean pack so say
Grey Grey
Look like Angus Deayton and say
Lemay Lemay Lemay Lemay
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...huh huh
Find me a cow, boy
I fancy a snack
Singin' shave shave shave shave
From cheek to cheek
From throat to neck
Say Lemay Lemay Lemay Lemay
I got shaving foam on the bathroom mat
And singin' Shave shave shave shave
Kid Rob's in the house
And that hair's grown back
Visit my band atour website

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Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 18

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