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Song Parodies -> "Don't Swear"

Original Song Title:

"No Air"

Original Performer:

Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Swear"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Viva La Pop" self-challenge. Someone runs afoul of someone very adamant about nobody using any sort of filthy language...and their standards (and methods) are ridonkulous. Enjoy!
Can't express myself right when I can't swea-ear

Oooooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Aaaaah-ah-ah-ah

This stupid vow you made me take
Don't think I deserved it, I say
Some kids were near when I hurled obscenities? No-o fai-air
Oh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Can't be alone, someone's taggin' me-e
Cause who cares a-about privacy
When I might not drop bucks in the jar when I say "da-amn"
For no reason I can see-ee
My life is now rated "G"
Not like I'm acting like a douche
I just sometimes might say "gee-ee-eez"

Tell me the point of telling me "don't swea-ear"
By forcing me to not swea-ear
I can't get my proper feelings out the-ere
It's not fair, not fai-ai-ai-air
If I was yelling the n-word, I'd see
But the worst I say is "shit", trust me
Stop limiting the words I spea-eak
Let me swear, not fai-ai-ai-air

"Don't swea-ear, swea-ear" (oh-oh-ooh)
Not fai-air, fai-air (no-ooh-ooh)
"Don't swea-ear, swea-ear" (oh-oh-aah)
Not fai-air, fai-air

You know what lenient is, du-ude?
It's where you don't go all coo-coo-oo
When somebody says "ah crap", are you for real?
Instead of making it black-and-white
You can let the-e lighter swears slide
So I can le-et a "balls" i-into-o the ai-ai-ai-ai-air
I don't (ah-ah-ah-ah) like you hounding me-e (me-e-e-e)
To make sure my mouth is clea-ean (oh-oh-oh)
So could you just lighten up, dude
So I can say "ba-astard", plea-ea-ea-ea-ease?

You're so picky when you're sayin' "don't swea-ear" (oh-oh, oh-oh)
Anything counts as a swea-ear (oh-oh, oh-oh)
No "heck", no "fart", this is really unfai-air
Those aren't swears, not swea-ea-ea-ears
If I was screaming the c-word, I'd see (I-I'd see)
But I've only said "fuck" once, so please
Don't yell at me when I say "shee-eesh"
Not a swear, not fai-ai-ai-air

"Don't swea-ear, swea-ear" (oh-oh-ooh)
Not fai-air, fai-air (oh-ooh-ooh)
"Don't swea-ear, swea-ear" (no-oh-oh)
Not fai-air, fai-air
Implore
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, buddy
Oh-ooh-ooh-oh-oh
Let me swear, ain't fai-ai-ai-air
Eh-eh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Can't swea-ear-ee-ee-yeah-eah, oh-ooh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

You've got a broad definition of "swea-ear" (some "swea-ears")
And no reason I can't swea-ear (can't swea-ear)
One incident I've said sorry for, the-ere (said sorry)
It's unfair, can't swea-ea-ea-ear (can't say "butt" at a-a-all)
You keep this up, I'll run out of money (money-ey)
Swear jar's sendin' me to poverty (yeah-eah)
Won't let me say "dangit", pa-lea-ease (this is stupid, let me swear plea-ease)
Not a swea-ear, I swea-ea-ea-ear

Puttin' pressure on me-e ("Don't swea-ear, swea-ear")
To keep my language so clea-ean (Not fai-air, fai-air)
You're like some uber-level prude ("Don't swea-ear, swea-ear")
To think "darn it" is filthy-y (Not fai-air, fai-air)

I can't be myself when I cannot swea-ear (can't swea-ea-ear)
Just who I am, it's not fai-air (not fair at all, plea-ease) (oh no, no-o)
To live up to your standards, I can't bea-ear (can't bea-ear)
You don't swear, be fai-ai-ai-air
Understand that random swearing is me
And also there's the fact that I'm forty-y
You're not my boss, just let me be-e
If I swear, who ca-a-a-ares?

"Don't swea-ear, swea-ear" (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Not fai-air, fai-air (no-o) (oh-oah)
"Don't swea-ear, swea-ear" (can't swear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear)
Not fai-ai-ai-air

I may not have transcribed all of the vocal adlibs precisely, but when the singers start singing over their own chorus, that's when I throw my hands in the air and say "Balls to that!"

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