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Song Parodies -> "I Write Vaporware"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Everywhere"

Original Performer:

Johnny Cash

Parody Song Title:

"I Write Vaporware"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

The OS has an intro, a repeated chorus, and lists of geographical locations. In the list of software, which I pulled from the Web, I've made no attempt to replicate the line or word counts or rhyme scheme of the OS. I also make no claims, implied or expressed, as to the technical accuracy of anything other than, presumably, the list. As to the decade, the OS is on 2002's "Unchained." "McNealy" is Scott McNealy, CEO of Sun Microsystems.
I was codin' a hack, waiting for bloated, clumsy Windows muck to load
I threw in some hexadecimal sex as a little joke.
When you're coding in this Windows-muck hash, you must realize
That McNealy was right to call it a "hairball" when he did apprise
People about the load of crap from up in Redmond land.
But that's OK, because I've hacked it in every software brand.


I write vaporware, man
In my vap'rous lair, man,
I get no fresh air, man,
I've got unbathed hair, man,
5-day-old underwear, man,
I use all software.
I've written:

ABC
ABEL
ABCL
ACCENT
ACTOR
ADA
ADL
AGORA
AKL
ALEF
ALEPH
ALF
ALGOL
ALLOY
AMBER
AMIGA E
AML
Ampere
AMPL
appall
AVAIL
AWK

B
BABEL
BASIC
BAWK
BeBOP
BEFUNGE
BETA
BEGL
BERTRAND
BIGWIG
BISTRO
BLISS
BLUE
BRIAN
BRILLIANT
BSL

C
C++
C#
C*
C(GNU-C)
CECIL
CHARITY
CHEETAH
CHiLL
CILK
CLAIRE
CLARITY
CLEAN
CLIPS
CLOS
CLU
COBOL
COLD FUSION
COMAL
COMMON LISP
COOL
COMPONENT PASCAL
CORAL
COQ
CORBA
COSY
CWEB

DAD
DARK BASIC
DELPHI
DEMETER
DIALECT
DRAGOON
DYLAN
DYNACE


Killer code:
I write vaporware, man
In my vap'rous lair, man,
I get no fresh air, man,
I've got unbathed hair, man,
5-day-old underwear, man,
I use all software.
I've written:

E
ECLIPSE
Eiffel
EGG
ELF
ELASTIC C
ELLIE
EMERALD
ENIAC
EOL
ERLANG
ESCHER
EuLISP
EUPHORIA

FRANZ LISP
FMPL
FORMS/3
FORTH
FORTRAN


G
GEL
GENTLE
GNU E
GĂ–DEL
GREEN
GUILE

HASKELL
HOPE
HPCODE
HUGO

ICI
ICON
INFER
ISWIM

J
JADE
JAVA
JAVA BEANS
JAVASCRIPT
JoCAML
JOY
JUICE

K
KALEIDOSCOPE
KEVO
LAGOONA
LAMINA
LAURE
LEDA
LENS
LIANA
LIFE
LIMBO
LINDA
LIS
LISP
LISP 2
LISP 70
LML-
LOGO
LOOEE
LOOKS
LORE
LPC
LUA
LUCID
LUSTRE

For Perl's sake:
I write vaporware, man
In my vap'rous lair, man,
I get no fresh air, man,
I've got unbathed hair, man,
5-day-old underwear, man,
I use all software.
I've written:


M4
MAGENTA
MAGMA
MATCHMAKER
MATLAB
MCPL
MELD
MELD C
MENTAT
MERCURY
MEROON
MIRANDA
MISA
ML
MODULA 2
MODULA 3
MOPS
MOZART
MUMPS

NAPIER 88
NAWK
NEON
NESL
NET REXX
NEWTON
NIAL

O2
OAKLISP
OBERON
OBJ
OBJECTIVE C
OBJECTIVE CAML
OBJECT-ORIENTED FORTRAN 90
OBLIQ
OCCAM
OCTAVE
OLABL
OMEGA
ONTIC
OPAL
ORCA
OSCAR
OSQL
OZ

PAL
PARASOL
PARLOG++
PASCAL
PECOS
PERL
PFL
PHOCUS
PHANTOM
PHP
PICO
PICT
PIKE
PILE
PIRANHA
PIRL
PIZZA
PL/B
PL/I
PLANKALKUL
PLAIN
PLIANT
POLKA
POLYGOTH
PRESTO
PROGRESS
POOL
POP
POPTALK
POSTSCRIPT
PROBE
PROFAN
PROGRAPH
PROLOG
PROMETHEUS
PROTEUS
PY
PYTHON

Q
QUEST

C what I mean?
I write vaporware, man
In my vap'rous lair, man,
I get no fresh air, man,
I've got unbathed hair, man,
5-day-old underwear, man,
I use all software.
I've written:

R
REBOL
REFINE
REGINA
RELFUN
REXX
RPG
RUBY

S
SAS
SATHER
SCALLOP
SCHEME
SCREAMER
SCRIPT X
SED
SEL
SELF
SEQUENCE L
SEPIA
SIMULA
SINA
SIRI
SISAL
SMALLTALK
SMSL
SNAML
SNOBOL
SNOOPS
SPANNER
SQUEAK
SQL
SR
SUNEIDO

T3X
Tcl/TK
TECO
TELESCRIPT
TELOS
TEMPO
THETA
TOM
TOP
TRAITS-
TRELLIS
TURBO PASCAL
TURING
TYCOON.

UFO
UNLAMBDA

V
VIRT
VISUAL BASIC-
VISUAL BASICSCRIPT
VISUAL C++

WINDUCTOR
WINTERP
WOOL

XLISP
XML
XSCHEME

YAFL
YERK
YORICK

Z
ZPL
ZUSE

What a pitty:
I write vaporware, man
In my vap'rous lair, man,
I get no fresh air, man,
I've got unbathed hair, man,
5-day-old underwear, man,
I use all software.


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 1
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   4
 4
 4
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but love the title (and the sentiment)
Tim Mayfield - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Plus you forgot a few... ;-) 5's
2nz - April 02, 2006 - Report this comment
I got no idea what's goin' on but props for going through the whole alphabet. Even if you made up half of 'em (which I'm sure you didn't) it's still worth some 5s.
Spaff.com - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Making "no attempt to replicate the line or word counts or rhyme scheme of the OS" is certainly an interesting approach. I know very little about the subject matter, alas, but the chorus, especially "unbathed hair/5-day-old underwear" is funny stuff.

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