I am a traveller
Fill my room with souvenirs from 'cross the world
And you try to convince me to go
Along with you to this 'cool place'
Now we're here, now can I go?

This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
Your friend may have said it rocked but I'm not impressed

I'm a travel man
And the things I've seen, are much better than this
Much better than this
You're so naive, man
Why did you drag me, along for the whole trip?
You know this is a tip

I wrote the journal on crappy spots
(Number one's New Jersey)
But this big cesspit has sure topped them all
(Lookie here, we got a winner!)
The rats, they're crawling over us while we sleep
It smells not like trash or ass
No, more like s-s-s-skunk juice

This spot ain't great, it's a Grade-A sh!thole!
This spot ain't great, it's a Grade-A sh!thole!
This spot ain't great, it's a Grade-A sh!thole!
My bathtub's full with brandy bottles

I'm not happy, man
Did the brochure talk about the constant rain?
The food that causes pain?
You're so stupid, man
Did you really think I'd enjoy sinking sand?
This wasn't worth ten grand!

All the boys who got trapped in the Sludge Caves
And all the girls whose legs couldn't run fast enough
Scream, until the plane comes down

This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
(Bad food!)
This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
(Volcanoes too)
This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
(Erupting!)
This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!
(Well, crap)
This place ain't great, it's a first-class sh!thole!

We're in trouble, man
And it's thanks to you, and your dumb travel tip
You're an asshole, Chip!
What a bummer, man!
Now this vacation, it may well be my last
Must run to save my ass!