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Song Parodies -> "Bloodliner"

Original Song Title:

"Criminal"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Bloodliner"

Parody Written by:

SpongebobParadox2020

The Lyrics

[Rachael Leigh Cook]
*Breathing*
A lot of people ask me.. stupid worthless questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna punch somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, hell.. if you believe that
then I'll smack you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a

BLOODLINER
BLOODLINER
You god damn right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

[Rachael]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll punch you in the head
whether you're a punk or an idiot
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate punks? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my @$$ (Stan: Check that out)
That's my *silence* @$$, don't take a picture of it
They belong in my *bleep*, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Rachael
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'?
How many records you expectin to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like hot boys
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (Ken: AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin each March
with a brand new cd for these freaking retards
Duuurrr, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Damn," still won't leave

Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)

I'm a BLOODLINER
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a BLOODLINER
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don't take smack from no one

[Rachael Leigh Cook]
My mother did nothing but make me become an weaver, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a BLOODLINER - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the hell you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I looked a lot hotter
My v****a shrunk smaller, but my @$$ got larger
I drink malt liquor to f**k you up quicker
than you'd wanna mess with me up for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
*Censored* in his Oval Office on top of her desk
Off of her own employee
Now don't ignore me, you can't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm blonde-haired
and my nose isn't pointy
I'm the bad girl who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to her
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Rachael and Johnny combined - *bbbzzzzzttttt*
the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause Tara couldn't make it today
She's a little under the weather, so I'm takin her place
(*Muffled* HEY, WHAT THE F*CK!) Oh, that's Tara with duct tape to her mouth
Don't make me kill her too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a BLOODLINER

*interlude*
[Tara]: Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that bank
get the goddamn money and get the hell up outta there

[Rachael]
Aight
I'll be right here waitin on you

[Rachael] Aight
Yo Rachael

[Rachael] *getting angry* What?!
Tara: Don't kill nobody this time

[Rachael] Awwright... god damn, for god sakes...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?

[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller]: Sure, No problem
[Rachael] Put the damn money in the bag punk
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me

[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you punk, quit f**king around...

[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...

[Rachael] I said I'm not gonna f**king kill you
Hurry the hell up! {*BOOM*} Thank you!

[Rachael]
Windows tinted on my ride when we drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the girl in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, punks, jack@$$es, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast her butt yet
If I ever gave a damn, I'll show you my t*ts
tuck my bra right inside my shirt and put it on
You little f**king chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so this tape is shut
Still, half the stuff I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked @$$
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as I'm a be
a freaking rappest in a Jason mask

(Chorus 2X)

*Rachael Breathing for the last 10 seconds of the song*

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