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Song Parodies -> "Anger Issues"

Original Song Title:

"Marshall Mathers"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Anger Issues"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

You know I’m rich and famous
But still I like to be whiney
And while I’m selling tons of records
But I still complain about the Grammy’s seating arrangements
And when I ditched my wife Kimmy you’ll hear me holler
But now I’m right back here

Because I’ve… Got Anger Issues (Anger Issues)
Bitch like a PMS girl
All throughout that one 8-Mile movie (Crappy movie)
I’ll go and call anyone a whore
If they’re a popstar icon (Screw you Akon!)
I really should have soap in my mouth
For the bad words I’m spewing (F*ck you douche bag!)

You might hear me swearing, you might hear me bitching
You might hear me huffing while I’m out for a jog
Swearing at my bod for being out of shape and a squalor
Hollering at my lungs and my heart for its loud annoying beating
(Thump, thump) Or I’m flipping off a window for not closing
Cause I broke it last time I got mad being interrupted while posing
Cussing out small diners, credit cards decliners
And then I’ll go and bitch at your recliner
I hate all sea mammals except for maybe the walrus
Because Killer Whales and Manatees are not flawless
Why can’t they be natives on land like the rest of ‘em?
Like Koalas
Screw those cute little bears
I’ll go and put them in their coffins!
And you know what I really hate is that food called Ramen
23-cent crap that really makes me just vomit
I’d like to go up to that factory and just bomb it
Till then I hope that it gets hit by an enormous comet (Go crush it!)
I’m also against that “Wallace and Gromit”
Claymation stinks just stick with ink like in the comics
Penguins stole pants that walk? This is such garbage
Not made for the fainthearted, the creators were not scholars
I get peeved when dirty dishes all start piling
So I smash them, cause let’s face it, I’m just violent
I make them shattered when I step up to the sink like a batter
With a powerful swing swooping getting the plates, and the cups broken

That “Jingle Bell Rock” really makes me sick
With holiday songs I just don’t click
Like “Deck the Halls” and of course “The 12 Days Of Christmas”
Makes me pissed, yes! (Hahaha)

Don’t think I’m nice? Then bite me! (Uh-huh)
When shown to little kids, I’m frightening (Boo!)
Like from my fingernails there’s lightening (Kazaa!)

Nope, I don’t like little kids, because they whine and potty
And crawl around on the floor and they act quite naughty
The only naughty things I like are kinky girls
Who think that foreplay is acting like a squirrel
That might sound weird but it’s so clear
That when you bed a chick with loose gears
She’ll bring you to brand new frontiers

Here’s how I cope with crap each day
Stuff that exploits the hot females in every way (That’s called porn)
I’m like the damn devil, if you don’t like the heat of the kitchen step out
Yes, I do drugs just like crack cause I ain’t no Boy Scout
If you think my manners are whack then go ahead and just pout
(Ahhh!) What’s foul is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s growl!
That goddamn puppet strikes again
Makes me want to go and fight it though I’m a grown man
And I hate nerds with D-12s and repellent of females
In basements of their mom playing D&D to Nine Inch Nails
No genius?! You’re right I’m no genius!
I’m just a guy who reduces everything to swarming maggots

Cause I’ve got Anger Issues (Anger Issues)
Of the irregular kind
It’s not by birth but caused by complaining (My complaining)
With every living thing I pick a bone
Cause I just love shouting (Just love shouting)
From stupid rednecks in the South
To those upscale (damn) Starbucks yuppies (Starbucks yuppies)

And I really hate Furbys, yeah those things make me squirmy
That little 90’s toy is so wormy it might hurt me
I once tried to eat at I-Hop, but I stopped
Because the pancakes were just slop and they flopped
Denny’s I found still made me frown and made me so sickly
That I left quickly because my throat got so prickly
You can search these places up on your Wiki
And find that I added a note about them and I’m not just picky
What else do I hate? Yeah, The number zillion
No one can ever count that high what’s it thinkin’?
Shit, even if you started right now you can’t do it
All your chances of this are through, they’re all ruined
There’s smaller numbers I’d count to much rather
It’s mathematics………………………………………………………… Dang it!
I can discuss how this number’s so vast
Or I can list some more things that I would much rather pass (Uhh…)
I’m yelling! We need conditioner and a shampoo?!
For the money I make, won’t just one of them do?
Daily hygiene’s disgusting, cause my sister takes too long in the shower
Time ain’t adjusting itself so I’ll bust in! (Hurry up!)
When my feet grow some blisters from outdoors hiking
There’s not many things in this world that are much to my liking
Don’t get me start on Walt Disney’s crowds
I’m even about to hate my front yard’s grass and the clouds
Oy! Now to top my list, there’s another thing I cannot stand
It’s these long-ass rap parodies that make my hand cramp
And so I am enraged, got no fans
Cause what do I see? No votes from any damn hand
Here let me give you Amirighters some help
Uh, here… Triple 5 it, now just comment
Now my parody shouldn’t look as blank as all Hell
Ahh f*ck it, I’ll even leave a comment myself

Cause I’ve got Anger Issues (Anger Issues)
I’m a peculiar guy
Because I get mad at damn near everything (Near everything)
And I’ll kick your butt out the door
If you try to change me (You can’t change me)
You'll hear cuss words escape my mouth
Cause they all run freely (They run feely)

Cause I’ve got Anger Issues (Anger Issues)
A small testicular guy
Is the reason why I’m pissed at all that you see (All that you see)
I’ll call your grandmother a whore
And you don’t you even doubt me (Don’t you doubt me)
There’s more things I disallow
Like bubblegum and spitting (Gum and Spitting)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   10

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jeff Reuben - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
The ones guy hits early on Monday! Must have anger issues :) You definitely got the anger across in this one
NonIssuedVotress - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Relax Squire Mattias, and have a cup of PEET's coffee; it will whisk those issues away, Sir !
Agrimorfee - February 27, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC2009) Just Wow, what i did for Sting you did for the Em. Good job.
Below Average Dave - March 12, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) It was really well written. . .reminds me of my own parody of this song a bit too much. . .but very tough song to take on.
Stuart McArthur - March 12, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) whoa, what an epic - deserves more comments Matty - anybody who gets angry at the existence of the word "zillion" definitely must have darkness inside - some lovely eminem-style rhymeplay in here - 555
Melanie Lee - March 12, 2009 - Report this comment
A LOT of work evident here! I got a few good laughs. It's not your fault but it's just too busy for me. Kudos for effort. 5-4-5.
Jeff Reuben - March 12, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Good to see again. Surprised it only had 2 comments before the contest!
Red Ant - March 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Holy frack! Excellent rhyming, very funny. Not sure what you entered in Dec SOTM, but I cringe to think it was techinically and humor(ly?) better than this. 555

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