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Song Parodies -> "Dirty Words(Eminem's Lullaby)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Dirty Words(Eminem's Lullaby)"

Parody Written by:

Invisible Boy

The Lyrics

Eminem sings his daughters to sleep... See the original here... Mockingbird
Dirty Words (Eminem’s Lullaby)

Hell…I know…The Cat In The Hat is what you’d like to read right now…
But,what yo’ Daddy always tell you ? Listen-up little rapper !
Study all yo’ dirty words
What ‘cha ‘poutin’ ‘bout ?
Yo lesson

When I was just a boy
And I listened to my Dad
Filled with joy
At the colorful way he would curse Mom when he got mad
Made me feel so glad
Taking-in each phrase
Hearing every line
Loving each 4-letter word
As he slurred ones he preferred
And my plan
There began
Daddy showed me how a Man
Should be talking
Feelings stirred
Daddy's words
Ideas occurred
“Someday I’m gonna be like you Dad”
This much I knew Dad
Fact is girl that mainly
I really love my cash
And I need to grow it
I ain’t afraid to be brash
Show some skin
Act more rash
Use more flash
Talk more trash
Exploiting beautiful girls
Is a trick I’ve learned to play
That is why I’m using you
Daddy uses words that shock
Mama just likes smoking rock
That’s how I became rich and famous
By saying the things
That teen-aged boys and girls admire
And why they made me a king
All the things I stand for…
Their Daddy’s don’t want them to see
Daddy’s don't want them to be
But you see…parents keep-on payin’
sayin’, “I guess kids like to play this way”
Now business is great
And critics that try to berate me
Try to bait me…even hate me
Can all just kiss my white ass
Emmys by the crate, my fate when skateboarders
Buy up my tunes
Everything always adding to my profits
So what if my songs cause much debate ?
Sex, drugs and violence
Rate as harmless “Jazz” talkin’
It’s what young kids relate to
So let’s get workin’
Pimp your primer for the fans
Toss ‘em stuff from the potty
And watch it all “melt in their hands”

Now listen to Daddy…he knows best
And it’s time to hear his request
Just learn to drop that F-bomb… little lady
I’ll teach ya…Daddy's here to reach ya
He’s obsessed
I know Mommy can’t help right now…but I’m telling you
It’s time for a quick review
With my brand-new type of phonics…”White Ebonics”
You’ll soon see that…
You can be a rapper too

Now honey
I remember when you asked a-bout the Easter Bunny
Daddy bought a “special bunny book”
With fold-out pictures to see
And you climbed right-up on…my knee
…And Daddy showed ‘em to you
And told you about Hugh Hefner
I felt that I had to clue you
See… Daddy likes pretty bums
And Daddy hates to work
Like some jerk “punchin’ clock” at McDonalds…while you and Mom
Stay in the house…watching Oprah and Jerry
So I kept writing lyrics using words learned…growing up on the block
While your Mom was making movies
Of you I could use…selling our “Kodak Moments”…so that you
Won’t need to go to college
We could make a million dollars
Then we can take it and spend it
And buy all the stuff we need…and that your Mama craves
And we’ll dress in gansta’ clothes…and buy 23 Escalades
Mom and Dad ‘be knockin’ boots a lot
And Mama can get some Cristal from out the ‘fridge…
Pour some on your cornflakes
And Dad can call-up a friend and cop an 8-ball fo’ yo’ Mama
And then your Daddy can buy some Viagra fo’ his ED
And hire a Doctor to test yo’Mama fo’ da VD
Let Daddy tell his tale…
Me and Mama got real greedy
Then you heard songs from yo’ Daddy that were seedy
And Mama would defend it
And you and Lanie were starting to comprehend it
Papa was a just cashing-in
Mama turned into a stoner
And I learned how to dance fast while grabbing firmly on my boner
I'm so happy you can share and join this family business plan
'see all your really needin’ to do is…just take a phrase
Don’t care you ain’t got nothing to say…know what I’m sayin' ?
Pepper it with random cuss words…then you’ll hear my praise
In days ahead when you have grown
You’ll be the latest sister act
Just…like Ashlee and Jessica
While Mommy’s blotto
Lanie…just listen to me now
Daddy's motto
“Never nothin’…for nothin’”
Mommy’s passed-out…should I shake her ?
Shh…Mama gets pissed-off when you wake her

Now listen to Daddy…Lesson 2
Here’s another fun word for you
F-word using 12 letters…little lady
Discover…what Dad does to Mother
Yes it's true
Watch what Mommy is teaching you… she’s my kinda girl
She likes tattos, pills and booze
It may seem a little grueling… this homeschooling
But I promise
These are life-skills you can use

So, this I’m telling you
Daddy gonna teach you some dirty words
I’ma show you the way
I'ma give a bag of bling to you
I'ma bring to you,...stuff straight from Beijing to you
And teach you style
And if those dirty words you’ll sing and that bling you’ll wear
I'ma make you just like me
When the charts we be toppin’… there’ll be no stoppin’
I’ma keep my apples close to
Da money tree



Dear reader...thanks for making it this far

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   3
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
that was lovely.....i wish he was MY daddy....NOT....funny concept
Jack Wilson - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
That was AWESOME! 5s for you!
AFW - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
You should go into the funeral business, IB...this is one great undertaking...Seriously, you must've burned a lot of midnight oil(at a 135.00 a barrel) on this one...terrific..
Invisible Boy - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks alvin (often the first to comment and I appreciate it), Jack and AFW.
AFW...I'll take any business where folks are dying to do business with you.
Agrimorfee - May 23, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Holy hell, IB, you brought it to the table once again. There's been countless Eminem satires as we all know, but this took things into a whole new perspective that I don't think anyone's really taken it...and done so flawlessly, with lines worth reading twice to get the double meaning (in particular, the line about the stuff from the toilet "melts in your hand...") . I can only assume you paced this well, as is your wont, because I can't keep up with Em's rap on the video. 555 with a 6 pack of Christal.
Rex - May 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) TMGLTM. No need to let propriety get in the way of profit, eh? 555
Matthias - May 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow..... This was actually reading an actual Eminem song, except that you made fun of the ghetto lifestyle, and a lot of things out of Eminem's own personal life, which made this diss so much more than an actual diss. This was great. These are the kinda parodies that I expect from you in the Artistry, because they keep on getting better and better the best Artist mock done by you still has to be the Reel Big Fish one, but this was was so impressive... Being your very first rap song. All around amazing work here Invisible Boy. (Lunch time.... The security code is: "KFC")
Red Ant - May 30, 2008 - Report this comment
TMGLTM here as well, but "special bunny book" and "And Mama can get some Cristal from out the ‘fridge… /Pour some on your cornflakes " deserve mention.
Max power - June 02, 2008 - Report this comment
bobpiecheese - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Maybe it's me, but I didn't really see the funny side of this. Maybe it's the stereotyping of rap culture. Maybe it's the way you presented it as Em teaching Hailie the way of being a rapper. Now, I like artist-mocking parodies as much as the next guy, but, to me, this seemed to take it a tad too far.
Below Average Dave - June 05, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Very bold, but I have to admit I didn't find it terribly funny. I also had some trouble following your pacing buddy. As you know, I'm one of your biggest fans, but I have to be honest, this one is not one of my favorites by you.
Ethan Mawyer - June 05, 2008 - Report this comment
The problem with an eminem diss is that if he ever hears it he'll strike back at least twice as hard, especially with some of the things said about him being presented as true but not actually being so. The ED line could be interpreted as libel/slander and would make for quite the explicit trial. I had some trouble with the pacing too, but it could be because you kept the line breaks so short and the song goes so fast. The talent is clear, but I think you need to be careful what you say.
Agrimorfee - June 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Ethan: Em wouldn't have a case, with the legal mumbo-jumbo of Eminem being "a public figure in a work of satire" in IB's favor.
Cody Slusher - June 01, 2009 - Report this comment

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