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Song Parodies -> "The_Man"

Original Song Title:

"Stan"

Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"The_Man"

Parody Written by:

The Icemann

The Lyrics

I'd like to thank Alex, who wrote two verses of the song. And came up with most of the chorus. We rock.
[Chorus]
Z.O.M.G. I'm wonderin' why you're no longer signed online
Your profile said it was FFK, or maybe I'm just a n00b.
But even if I wasn't, it would be okay, for your default picture's hot.
I'm just surprised it hasn't gotten banned, hasn't gotten banned.

Z.O.M.G. I'm wonderin' why you're no longer signed online
Your profile said it was FFK, or maybe I'm just a n00b.
But even if I wasn't, it would be okay, for your default picture's hot.
I'm just surprised it hasn't gotten banned, hasn't gotten banned.

[Verse 1]
Hey Shorty, I PMed your profile but you still ain't respondin
I left my name, my address, and my phone number at the bottom
I sent two more Private Messages back in August but you must not have got 'em
There probably was a problem with the website's server or somethin

Sometimes Word fucks up my letters when I paste 'em and I write 'em
But anyways, screw it, what's been up girl, how you doin?
I lost my girlfriend Blue, so I sent her a virus
If she ever message me, guess what I'ma do? I'ma
send her a Trojan.

I read about your father dieing too, I'm sorry
I had a relative kill himself when a chick overheard him fartin
I know you probably hear this everyday, but you're gorgeous Ma'am.
I even linked my friends to your profile, and then BAM!

I printed out a room full of your digital pictures, WHAM!
I like the pose you did with Precious too, that shit was great
Anyways, I hope you get this girl, hit me back, just to date,
Truly yours, your biggest fan, The_Man.

[Chorus]
Z.O.M.G. I'm wonderin' why you're no longer signed online
Your profile said it was FFK, or maybe I'm just a n00b.
But even if I wasn't, it would be okay, for your default picture's hot.
I'm just surprised it hasn't gotten banned, hasn't gotten banned.

[Verse 2]
Dear Shorty, you still haven't PMed me back
I hope you have the chance.
I ain't mad, I just hope my messages didn't get you banned.
If you didn't want to talk to me on AIM
You didn't have to
but you could have put up an away message up actually.
That's what they're there for, girl. You weren't even idle
I waited til three in the morning for you, that's a helluva
Long while
That's pretty shitty hun, why would you ignore me
I don't even do that kind of thing when other bitches
Bore me

I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' lied to.
Remember in the "about me" on your profile, you said if I write
you
You would write back. See, I've got the issues you do.
My top eight is a mystery
There's more fighting for it than Blitzkrieg

I can relate to what you said in your blog,
So when I have a shitty day, like when the toilet
Keeps getting clogged,
I don't have anywhere else to vent, so the views
Help when I'm depressed
What's the problem, it's not like I'm obsessed

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds.
I saw it on Youtube, so it's not really even emo to me
But that's how I feel when I can't talk to you
My roommate's seen your pictures and he's jealous too
But no guy will know you like I do, not a one
Not everyone can analyze a profile like me
When I'm done
You've gotta write me back, I'll take one off your friends list
Sincerely yours, The_Man. PS: Sorry if I sounded pissed

[Chorus]
Z.O.M.G. I'm wonderin' why you're no longer signed online
Your profile said it was FFK, or maybe I'm just a n00b.
But even if I wasn't, it would be okay, for your default picture's hot.
I'm just surprised it hasn't gotten banned, hasn't gotten banned.

[Verse 3]
Dear Mrs. I'm Too Good To Call or Write My Friends
This will be the last email I ever write your ass.
It's been a 5 weeks and still no word, I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two IMs
I wrote the screen names on them perfect.

So this is my message I'm sending you
I hope you get it.
I'm at my desk right now
I'm taking pills and I'm freezing.

Hey girl, I just ate a billion Vicadens
Dare me to write?
Remember when I sung to you
In The Still of the Night?

And then we laughed
And you rated me all 5 stars
And we talked about the time you went and snuck into a bar
That is kinda how this is.
Except I didn't make no money
Now it's too late.
I ate a thousand Volumes now
I'm drowsy.
And all I wanted was a few messages and a hug.
I hope you know I already sent you a virus and a bug.

I love you Shorty
You could have stayed in my Top 8
Think about it,
You Ruined Myspace now
I hope you can't leave comments and you scream about
I hope to cope with the pain, you turn to drugs and you get high about it,
And when people ask you whats wrong your in denial and you lie about it.
See Shorty, Goddamn pop-ups I'm trying to think
See Shorty I got the whisky for the pills and I'm ready to drink,
I'm not taking the easy way out either I'm just fed up
How many men end their lives by drinking from a dixie cup
Well I gotta go, I just drank all the drugs and slit my wrist now,
Oh shit,
I just got knocked off how am I suppose to send this shit out (Dies)

[Chorus]
Z.O.M.G. I'm wonderin' why you're no longer signed online
Your profile said it was FFK, or maybe I'm just a n00b.
But even if I wasn't, it would be okay, for your default picture's hot.
I'm just surprised it hasn't gotten banned, hasn't gotten banned.

[Verse 4]
Sup Man?! I meant to write you sooner, but I've just
been busy.
We never really had the chance to meet offline, now did we?
Look, I'm really flattered that you put me in your top eight
And thanks for the HTML, now my page really looks great

I'm sorry I didn't get your IM that night, it
Must've been my sister
She never really has been much of a good
listener
I told her to leave my away message up
But sometimes she forgets
And stop being so serious before you end up
With some big regrets
You got some issues, Man, I think you need a girlfriend
Whether you met her online or not, it would all
Depend

And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
It's kinda creepy, Man, we've never even got the chance to meet each other
I really think you need to get your head straight
You know, get your priorities in place
I hope you get to read this message.
I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you hurt yourself, I think you'd be doing all right
If you'd calm down a bit, but what's got you so uptight
I saw your videos, and I'm sure I rated them a five
I just don't want you to end up risking your life
Cause I read this one thing on the Onion that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and crashed his computer over his head
While he had swallowed Vicoden, I'm pretty sure that he's dead
And in his email they found a letter but it didn't say who
it was to
Come to think about it...his screen name was...it was you.
DAMN!

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Total Votes: 1

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

puplerb - October 23, 2006 - Report this comment
It needs to be longer!
Agrimorfee - October 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Brings the time-worn stories of stalking to the 21st century! It could have been more original in the climax somehow, but still, I liked how it came together...I'm a tech-noob, but I got the gist of it all.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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