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Song Parodies -> "Songs Of Croft Part XXXV-Niels."

Original Song Title:

"Stan"

Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Songs Of Croft Part XXXV-Niels."

Parody Written by:

Ocean-Sirius

The Lyrics

Part of a series of parodies written about the Tomb Raider series of games. This one is based on a true story. Dissatisfied that the ending to Tomb Raider:Last Revelation saw Lara get killed off, a Dutchman called Niels Berndsen did a cycle tour from Amsterdam to Derby in England with letters, art etc. from fans to show that they still cared about the series. The story of this person was broadcast on some news reports. This parody did not offend the man himself...I got someone to ensure that for me. =) This parody was written years ago and please remember that people and lives change. Enjoy the song! =D
Please don't call,
I'll tell you why,
I've cycled off too far,
Dutch rain clouds up my window,
But I can't see it now,
Even if I could it'll all be great,
Got Lara's pictures on my wall,
They remind me,
Life is not too bad,
It's not too bad.

Please don't call,
I'll tell you why,
I've cycled off too far,
Dutch rain clouds up my window,
But I can't see it now,
Even if I could it'll all be great,
Got Lara's pictures on my wall,
They remind me,
Life is not too bad,
It's not too bad.

Dear Core,
I wrote to you early this morning,
I left my cell, my pager and my home number at the bottom,
I sent two letters I'll have you know,
If you've not got the by now,
Then I guess the post is too slow or something,
The surface I wrote the address on was too soft,
But stuff it-What's been up Core, how's Ms Croft?
I'm on level five and I'm trying to get farer,
If I ever adopt a cute female puppy,
Guess what-I'm gonna call her Lara,
I read about Lara's plane crash too-I'm sorry,
It could have been worse,
She could have been killed by a huge lorry,
I know you probably hear this everyday,
But I'm your biggest fan,
I own every level through which Lara's ran,
I've got a room full of Lara's posters,
And her pictures, man,
I like the level you did for The Times,
That level was bad,
Anyway I hope you get this man,
Mail me back, just a check,
You know how this guy feels,
Your biggest fan,
Niels.

Please don't call,
I'll tell you why,
I've cycled off too far,
Dutch rain clouds up my window,
But I can't see it now,
Even if I could it'll all be great,
Got Lara's pictures on my wall,
They remind me,
Life is not too bad,
It's not too bad.

Dear Core,
You still ain't called or wrote,
Hope you have the chance,
I ain't mad,
i just think that you should listen more to fans,
If you don't want to listen to me you don't have to,
I may have to come down to see you,
A tomb caved in on Lara man,
That game's over five years old,
She had fans as you were told,
We want her to stay alive,
You've not said yes or no,
That's pretty unfair,
I like her as much as they do,
Some fans love her so much,
They've even got her hairdo,
I ain't that mad I just don't like being lied to,
Remember when you were interviewed,
You said if she had fans you'd let her live,
Killing her off is something I could not forgive,
I really love Lara,
She helps me get through my life even farer,
I can relate to Lara's need to explore,
I know she's hate to be stuck in a flat on the 6th floor,
I do have something else but Lara helps when I'm depressed,
I like her for reasons other than her pixellated chest,
Sometimes I even adventure to be like my heroine,
For adrenaline-But I don't belong in a loony bin,
You see that game seems real,
As does the story when you tell it,
Some say I'm obsessed as I talk about Lara 24/7,
But they don't know her like I do Core,
No one does,
They don't know what it was like for Lara growing up,
You've gotta call or I'll know what I'll do,
I get out my bike and travel to Derby just to see you.

Please don't call,
I'll tell you why,
I've cycled off too far,
Dutch rain clouds up my window,
But I can't see it now,
Even if I could it'll all be great,
Got Lara's pictures on my wall,
They remind me,
Life is not too bad,
It's not too bad.

Dear mister,
We're too good to listen to our fans,
We don't care over what distance the community spans,
It's been a long time and still no word,
I don't deserve it,
I'm Dutch but you understand my letters,
I wrote my English on 'em perfect,
So this is the letter I'm sending you,
Hope you read it,
I'm on my bike now,
I'm doing 10 down the bike lane,
Hey Core,
I just drank a tin of Lucozade-Dare me to pedal?
You know that song by Chicane "Don't Give Up?"
About carrying on with what you do?
Not giving up,
Continuing,
But you didn't,
Now everyone's found out about it,
We didn't give up,
That's kinda how this is,
You didn't have to give up on Lara,
Now it's too late,
I've done a hundred miles now I'm drowsy,
All we wanted is for Lara to live on,
I hope you know all this isn't a con,
I love you Lara,
We belong together,
Ever thought about it?
You're ruining it now,
Hope you can't sleep and you dream about it,
And when you dream,
Hope you can't sleep and you scream about it,
Tomb Raider's special and we can't live without it,
"Niels, bedtime!"
Shut up mom I'm trying to write!
I wrote this letter before I set off late at night,
I wasn't up all night counting sheep,
I did get some sleep,
See I like you,
I'd love to meet you all,
Hope you'd like to meet me too,
Well, gotta go,
I'm almost on the ferry now,
Oh no I hope I've not left any e-mails out!

(Ferry sounds)

Please don't call,
I'll tell you why,
I've cycled off too far,
Dutch rain clouds up my window,
But I can't see it now,
Even if I could it'll all be great,
Got Lara's pictures on my wall,
They remind me,
Life is not too bad,
It's not too bad.

Dear Niels,
We here have the notion,
That you'd be good in aiding our promotion,
We're really flattered you'd call a puppy that,
But what would happen if instead you brought a cat?
We're sorry we didn't write to you sooner we were really busy,
We are entirely sober and not even drank some fizzy,
The stuff about you like to adventure too?
That's great-How big a fan are you?
Got to admit to you Niels,
You should come inside,
The doors are large,
It don't matter if you're wide,
What's that stuff about Lara and you being together?
We're so proud to have a huge fan like you,
Please let us meet each other,
I really think that you and Lara need each other,
Maybe no one can treat her better,
I hope you get to read this letter,
I just hope it reaches you,
Before you adventure again,
With your help Lara will be fine,
Don't relax right now,
Glad we inspired you with our game,
Why are you so mad?
Aren't other characters the same?
We don't mind if you do some crazy stuff,
We heard this one thing on the news and even that wasn't enough,
Some guy was a fan and decided to cycle to Britain,
He had some fan contributions,
Played our game and he was smitten,
We got a letter from this guy,
Susie Hamilton's who it's to,
Come to think about it,
His name was....
It was you.
Cooool!

By
Ocean-Sirius.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 1
 1
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 0
 
 5   1
 0
 1
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dumb Ass Kid - April 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Your worst yet. The pacing was sloppy, there was very little humour to comment on, and it dragged on and on and I don't mean in length
Red Ant - April 09, 2005 - Report this comment
545. The pacing was not sloppy ( for the most part ), though alot of TOS remained, that's not a crime. This song is one I personally have been trying to get something going for a while. Difficulty upped the vote a bit on pacing/overall for me and thanks for not being lame and doing the whole song instead of putting "chorus" where Dido's part is. DAK, we usually disagree somewhat but I'd like to see you try to parody this song.

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