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Song Parodies -> "The Real Church Lady"

Original Song Title:

"The Real Slim Shady"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"The Real Church Lady"

Parody Written by:

Rich Lyons

The Lyrics

One night almost two years ago on Saturday Night Live there was a girl saying "Will the real church lady please stand up?" And it inspired me to write this.
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Church Lady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Church Lady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here...

Y'all act like you never read the Bible before
Jaws all on the floor like Reverend Graham just burst in the door
and started preachin' the gospel more than before
he was first saved, devoted his life to the Lord (Amen!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
He didn't just preach what I think he did, did he?"
And Satan said... nothing my friend!
Satan's defeated, he's locked in my past now! (Ha-ha!)
Christian women love Jesus Christ [*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]
"Church Lady, I envy her, Look at her,
Walkin around reading her you-know-what, praying to you-know-who,"
"Yeah, and she's so nice, too!"
Yeah, she probably got a couple of beads on her rosary loose
But no worse, than the verses other people get confused
Sometimes, I wanna go up to the altar and just let loose, but can't
but it's an option that many others choose
"My sin is on the cross, my sin is on the cross"
I know I"m lucky, without His sacrifice I'd be lost
And that's the message that we deliver in communion, you see
And why we all "this do in remembrance of me"
Because from my burdens I have been set free
By the time I reach my grave
They got TBN don't they?
"We ain't nothing but servants.." Well, some more observant
Who vote Republican in most every election [*CHEER*]
but if we can spend money on cosmetic perfection
then there's no reason that we can't give to the collection [*YAYY!*]
But if you feel like I feel, I got the Directions
People wave your hands and sing, lift your voices to the King

I'm that lady, yes I'm the Church Lady
All you other Church Ladies are just imitating
So won't the real Church Lady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm that lady, yes I'm the Church Lady
All you other Church Ladies are just imitating
So won't the real Church Lady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Benny Hinn don't gotta sing in his church to give his sermons;
well I do, so Praise Him and bless you too!
You think I gave a darn about Confession?
Some sins I couldn't even talk about, let alone mention
"But Lady, what if you did, wouldn't it feel great?"
Well I did and the Lord was faithful to liberate!
So you can, sit me in here to congregate?
When I can't even find the right words to celebrate
So I accepted Him as my personal savior
And brought forth an end to my sinful behavior
Don't be afraid, put on the armor of God
You will be given comfort by His staff and His rod
I should fall down upon my knees into laud
and confess to the whole world that You are my God [*AMEN!*]
I'm sick of you little girls and boys sinning, you disappoint me
so I have been sent here to witness to you
And there's a million of us just like me
who live like me; who just can't get enough like me
who pray like me and spread the Word like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

I'm that lady, yes I'm the Church Lady
All you other Church Ladies are just imitating
So won't the real Church Lady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm inspiration to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
testimony that I think might possibly deliver you
The only difference is I got the heart to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be afraid or ashamed at all
I just get in the pulpit and testify
and whether you like to defy it [*ERR*] I cant deny it
like ninety percent of you people out there do
Then you wonder how can kids be so corrupted and secular
It's funny; cause though you sin, He is still at your side
I'll be the first person to admit that such once was I
To account for my sin he was sentenced and crucified
On the Cross where he suffered and he bled and he died
And every single person is a Church Lady lurkin
She could be workin, at Wal Mart greetin people at the door
Or in the parkin lot, circling
Shouting "Praise to the Lord!"
with her sins confessed and her faith restored
So, will the real Church Lady please stand up?
And in worship and awe lift your hands up?
And be proud to be washed by the blood white as snow
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm that lady, yes I'm the Church Lady
All you other Church Ladies are just imitating
So won't the real Church Lady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm that lady, yes I'm the Church Lady
All you other Church Ladies are just imitating
So won't the real Church Lady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a Church Lady in all of us
Praise God, let's all stand up

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   3
 0
 2
 
 5   11
 14
 12
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dumb Ass Kid - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
With slightly better pacing, this could have been the parody equivalent of the New Testament!
Josh 2 - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm really gonna beat the hell out of you one day, this is really good and i could se someone freestyling it, lol well done 555
John Barry - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow!
Agrimorfee - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
I am impressed. Dana Carvey should pull out the flowered dress, the wig and the glasses, put 'em back on and revive his career with this tune. Could have had more references to the actual character from SNL, but a worthy bit of writing. 555
Johnny D - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Well isn't that SPECIAL.
Rex - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Glory be unto this parody!
Red Ant - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Agree with DAK, but not on pacing, but a VERY few forced rhymes, but this song is very hard to parody, and I'm not about to bag this for it ( or my personal distaste for churches in general ). From the book of Red Ant: Parodies, verse 5:55: This beith one of thy greatest parodies of Eminem, and isith a SOTM runner up atleast, for thou has taken a difficult song and makith truly a great parody of it. Amen.
Sweet Indigo - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Well I thought that rocked. Bless you, Brother! The pacing was excellent and the rhymes didn't trouble me. Good job.
Michael Pacholek - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Blessed are the funny, for theirs is the kingdom of comedy.
SmartyPants - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Funny as hell
Cody Slusher - March 04, 2009 - Report this comment
MADTV has already did it

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