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Song Parodies -> "Standra (letter to R.Kelly)"

Original Song Title:

"Stan"

Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Standra (letter to R.Kelly)"

Parody Written by:

Robert Winston

The Lyrics

Chorus
Your pee felt warm coming down my eyes
Made it hard to see your face
The morning rain turns off my power
So I couldn't even watch our tape
And even if I could it'll all be great
Knowing that it's not rape
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
It's not so bad

Verse 1
Dear Kelly, I wrote but you still ain't calling
I left my moms cell, and my Barbie Play Phone number at the bottom
I sent you the video tape back in autumn, you must not-a got it
They've shown it everywhere, is that why you told me to hide it
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy with I get excited
I can't loving you R.K., I can't fight it
My friend is pregnant by an older man now
If we ever have a child, what will we call her
Or will you be ashamed of me and you daughter
I read about your brother too I'm sorry boo
But why did you tell people it was him and not you
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm you youngest fan
I even got the underground tape you did with my baby sister Pam
You think they gone put our movie on DVD stands
We can make a lot of money and that's a fact
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your youngest fan cuz
This is Standra

Chorus

Verse 2
Dear Kelly, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad- I just wanted to ask you to my 6th grade dance
If you didn't wanna come to my school
You didn't have to, but you owe me, you peeed on me and Matthew
That's my order brother man, he's only 9 years old
He even had a terrible cold
I could not ripe his nose
That's pretty messed up man- you're like his greatest idol
He wants to be just like you man, he has more videos than you do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we were filming, you said if I'd write you
You would write back, see I'm just like you in a way
I never had good hair styles either;
My mom did it so don't see her
I can relate to what you were saying in Aaliyah song
Age ain't nothing but a number and what we doing ain't wrong
Cause I really don't nothing else to do, I can't even drive
I can't even cross the street without someone by my side
Sometimes I even tape myself and imagine you with me
It's like those Flintstone Vitamins, its such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I love you cause you tell it
My teachers be worried cause I talk about 24/7
But they don't know you like I know you Kelly, no one does
They don't know what it was like for people like us to fall in love
You gotta call me man, I'll be the youngest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Standra—p.s.
We should make a vol. 2

Chorus

Verse 3
Dear mister-I'm-too-good-to-call-or-write-my-fans
This'll be the last time I write your name on my hand
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it
In class we learned how to friendly letters
So I know I wrote the addresses on them perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
It's my demo tape that I want kids to hear on Nick
Hey Kelly, I drank a fifth of Kool-Aid, you dare me to have fun
You know that song "Smooth Criminal", by Michael Jackson
About that guy who broke in Annie's house and killed her
And Michael kept asking was she okay and he believed her
That's kinda how this is, you came in my house but didn't ask me nothing
And when I spoke, you said, "Did you say something"
And all I wanted was a lousy copy of the tape
I hope you know you can't get none of my next birthday cake
I love you Kelly, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep when you in jail thinking about it
And when you get locked up I hope you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me
See Kelly; {screaming} shut up man, I'm trying to talk
Hey you Kelly, that's my lawyer screaming in the trunk
But I didn't make a tape with him, I just tied him up, see I ain't like you
Cause if he tells on us, I'll make sure he suffer more, and die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the river now
Oh man, I forgot, I need my parent's signature to send this out
{car tires squeal} {crash}
..{brief silence}..{loud splash}

Chorus

Verse 4
Dear Standra, I meant to write you sooner but I'd just been busy
Been in jail because you being too young to show on TV
Look, I'm really mad that you keep calling me back
I don't care if yo brother wants my autograph on his hat
I peeed on his Starter Cap
I'm glad you are too young to come to my show, I don't miss you
I peeed in your face so I would not have to kiss you
But what's this stuff you said about you liking to tape yourself too
I say that stuff just clowning girl
C'mon, how retarded is you
You got some issues Standra, I think you nee some counseling
To help you from ripping off the heads of your Babies occasionally
And what's this about us meant to be together
That type of stuff will make me not want to do vol. 2, and make it better
I really think you and your lawyer don't need each other
He just wants me in jail and to buy a hat for your brother
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
Before school ends, I think that you'll be doing just fine
If you relax a little, I'm glad you love me but Standra
Why are you so mad, try to understand, your period will come in hand
I just don't want you to do some crazy things
I seen this one thing on the news a couple weeks ago that was strange
Some little girl was drunk and drove her mothers car for a while
And had her lawyer in the trunk, going to court for a trial
And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, her name was...it was you
Yes!!!

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JJ - August 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Hahaha, Thats some good stuff.

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