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Song Parodies -> "Convict You"

Original Song Title:

"Kill You"

Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Convict You"

Parody Written by:

Eminerd

The Lyrics

If you have not read Les Miserables (or seen the musical), then this won't make any sense. If you have, this is the equivalent to "Javert's Solliquoy" from the musical, right before he commits suicide.
Javert:
When I was just a little baby boy
My parents were in jail for real bad things
They used to tell me the police was an evil force
They used to tell me they hated me
But then I got a little bit older
And I realized they were the evil ones
But there was nothing I could do or say to try to change it
Cause that's just the way they was

They said I can't convict Valjean no more
They ain't say I can't get no one else no more
Ahh dumb I'll convict Champmathieu
And I know Valjean won't let it go, Valjean tells the truth
Ahhh these Barricade fighters think I'm full of s***
I won't kill 'em now just yet
Ahhhh put your gun down Jean, I ain't gonna kill you
I'ma put you in prison and they gon torture you
Ahh shut up Jean your causin chaos
Just put your hands up and shut up, okay Jean?
Oh, now he's convicted the mayor Valjean's gone forever
You hiding and running behind boxes for barricade cover
Fantine already died, yep, and now it's too late
I've let Champmathieu go and ended my good fate
I invented violence you vile venomous barricade kids
And when you win y'all be doin Irish jigs
Texas Chainsaw, not around now,
If it was Javert might have hung around
Blood Guts Cuts Guns
Knives Lives Dives and Dies

Chorus Javert:
Enjolras I'll kill you; don't mess with me
Guys you ain't nothing but bucks to me
Yeah, I'ma kill you, you Ain't gotta look to see
I've got a jury always in favor of police
You better not run, I'ma be another cop dead,
For killin myself over stuff I shouldn't' a did
When I kill me I'm bringin Valjean with me
Barricaders you aint nothing but wild nuts to me
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha

Javert:
I'll convict you in Paris worse than Champmathieu
If we was 250 later I'd go on COPS and film you
Don't mess with me, that's why I joined the stupid police
I'm to, by breakin barricades. Kill Valjean
I ain't tryin to be rude, but gotta get through to you
I just arrested Combefre, Enjolras, and the ABC crew
Whoops Gavroche is just a little kid
Well, he's in the barricades, I'd kill him again
Javert Offend No Javert Insult
And If You Ever try to kill you're in trouble with the law
And Javert will kill you and seven kids
You'll Probably End Up Burnin down someones tent
Ahhhhhhhh Jean stole silver from Bishop of Digne
But it's perfectly normal, he did it every day
And hid in his bag, where it'd be really safe
And that's what Valjean needed to know
To know that he knew that ain't very slow
And he's hiding as a father of a girl Cosette
Wait 200 years and I could buy a 'Vette
But for know I'm still stuck with this ugly head

Chorus Javert:
Enjolras I'll kill you; don't mess with me
Guys you ain't nothing but bucks to me
Yeah, I'ma kill you, you Ain't gotta look to see
I've got a jury always in favor of police
You better not run, I'ma be another cop dead,
For killin myself over stuff I shouldn't' a did
When I kill me I'm bringin Valjean with me
Barricaders you aint nothing but wild nuts to me
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha


Javert
Ah Heh Know Why I Say These Things
Cause convicted, evicted, and all the words like this is
are too true and Javert knows that, wanna make a bet?
And wanted to arrest Valjean, with Fantine in tow
I bet he'd even have convicted you, yo
And all I need, is Valjean to trust me
And then all arrest him anway, (oh, please)
And arrest Marius, just because he can't get a girl (what bout me)
I might as well kill Thenardiess, it's better of without her
An evil fat witch, all seven thousand pounds of her
I'm sick of the way I was born in a Jail
If my parents were honest, woulda been Harvard or Yale
I wan't to know, that Valjean will just go,
Cause none of this "monsieur le mayor" s*** is gonna flow
Okay, Valjean just go away
I told the barricaders no way!
I'm ready to make all people go leave
You Idiots won't leave me alone
And I tell you that I hate y'all yo
Shut up Valjean, just go
In the ABC café they wanted to kill me
But Valjean stopped them 'fore they did it!



Chorus Javert:
Enjolras I'll kill you; don't mess with me
Guys you ain't nothing but bucks to me
Yeah, I'ma kill you, you Ain't gotta look to see
I've got a jury always in favor of police
You better not run, I'ma be another cop dead,
For killin myself over stuff I shouldn't' a did
When I kill me I'm bringin Valjean with me
Barricaders you aint nothing but wild nuts to me
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha
I said you don't wanna mess with Javert Cause Why
Cause Javert Will Just Convict You a hahaha




Javert
Hahaha I'm not playin, rebels
You know I'd kill you

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Pacing: 1.5
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Total Votes: 2

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