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Song Parodies -> "Got Hit In The Nads"

Original Song Title:

"Best I Ever Had"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Drake

Parody Song Title:

"Got Hit In The Nads"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Blame It On The Pop" self-challenge. A song about a guy who continually gets hit in the bollocks. Because why not?
I've had my share of inj'ries
You'd think they'd be a one-time thing, but
One's repeatin' on me, dude
My fam'ly jewels

Hockey I was playin', although I'm sucky at it
Out of nowhere came it, the puck that someone slap-shotted
It was movin' real quick, gettin' close to super-sonic
No time for reactions, had no time to move my stick to block it
I let out an "Ow!" when that errant flying puck
Hit me right in the bollocks, wish that I'd worn a cup
Defense of some sort, but I had no bucks
And thus I collapsed right there upon the ice
Ain't the first time I've been hit, in my naughty bits
Sometimes they've been kicked, other times with sticks
Either way, they hit my nads, hit right in the nads
I'm surprised I have, some remnant of nads
They've been hit so often

Damn, it really hurts, mate
Ev'ry time I get hit there
Universe just hates my nads, I caught another football there (oww!)
One more football there, pointy-end first football there
I swear you could set a watch just by the times I get hit there
Each day, happens at the least twice
One time, someone's dart hit the left bollock, it gets worse, right
Their bud dared them to hit the right bollock, this is my plight
I got the world record for the most nut-shots to one guy
Both nads, left, right, both always get hit upon
Makes me feel the shittiest each time I get hit in the dong
Ev'ry time I trip, I always land in ways that hurt my schlong
Say I should be careful, I've tried that before, it turned out wrong
My tackle's predestined to meet it's doom
Ev'ry damn door handle in my room is at crotch height, I'm screwed
I thought I'd get used to it, that thought goes each time another broom hits

Nobody likes my man-bits, and so each day they're punted
You'd think with all those hits, that my nadges would be busted
Thus far they've resisted ev'rything, they're not yet munted
So I still endeavour and ignore the fact my nuts are hunted
I keep sayin' "Ow!" or at least a painful grunt
When I'm hit in the bollocks by a ceramic cup
Thrown by some asshole, bullseye in my junk
And the cup just shattered, damn, this ain't my night
Ev'ry single day I'm hit, in my naughty bits
On purpose by dicks, or because I tripped
And I landed on my nads, right upon my nads
Think I believe that, God just hates my nads
They've been hurt so often

Heap big pain, buddy, cricket bat to my bits
That thing's thick, and the cricket ball followed it
So far it's been just violence, my wang's been free from blisters
And if that ever changed, I'd know my luck's gone down the shitter
One time I lost my pants and caught my nuts in thistles
I bet one day my mantenna will be hit by missiles
That's how crazy this shit is, with each kick I hope it'll
Be the last time I'm hit, cause it's so hard to remain ci-ivil
Nutcracker should be my theme song
I cringe when I put too-small jeans on
Splicing my nuts, should've know that seam's wrong
Try to change real quick, that's when the zipper catches my dong
Yeah, living embodiment of nut shots
Try to hurt anything else, but it's not happ'nin', guess not
Maybe my genes say that my nads are my one weak spot
All the rest won't flop, they're invincible, guess that rocks
Still pain

It is still annoyin', not like I can ignore it
Ev'ry thirty minutes, seems like someone hits my nuggets
One time out in traffic, fast Mercedes-Benz, I jumped it
Too bad for my nadges, they got caught on the damn hood ornament
Once more, sayin' "Ow!" with each slam into my nuts
Ev'rything just hates my bollocks, as I've made clear, it sucks
Not taken it's toll, that's some form of luck
But there's still the pain, and ev'ry time it's high
Ev'ry time that I get hit, in my naughty bits
Accidental hits, or a nasty kick
Always in the friggin' nads, hit right in the nads
And it's gettin' sad, surprised they ain't flat
After all them friggin' hits, to my naughty bits
Never lightly hit, always hurts like shit
Ev'ry time I hurt my nads, got hit in the nads
Guess I should be glad, they ain't popped my nads

Uhh, ah yea
It's almost to the point it's a conspiracy by somebody
To strike the painful part of my body
That's nutty
Yeah, yeah
Always hit them hard, my nuts

I don't know if "nuggets" is existing slang for one's nuts, but if it isn't, it should be.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 0
 
 2   1
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   1
 1
 1
 

User Comments

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Athletic Supporter - September 26, 2013 - Report this comment
It's childish, but long. Wear a cup.
Randy - September 26, 2013 - Report this comment
Reminds me of that tv show in the movie Idocracy, so 5-5-5 :)

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