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Song Parodies -> "New Job As Death"

Original Song Title:

"Lose My Breath"

Original Performer:

Destiny's Child

Parody Song Title:

"New Job As Death"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Whew... Another one of the Epic 40 done, and trust me this one killed me towards the end. (Pun intended).
“Kill Me!”

The Grim Reaper
I’m employed as the brand new death
I’m annoyed with this job of death
Burned to char or shot with a (boom, boom)

The Grim Reaper
There’s no joy working as new death
Life’s destroyed working as new death
I’m the guard for the gates of death

I got mauled by a bear then the job application’s due
Now I gotta work bringing folks down to Hell’s stew
I wear black robes and I’m now a toady
Stabbed dudes, shot dudes, hung dudes, swat dudes
Satan laughs right when I brought you

Starting to get peeved cause a cult’s too much to do
With all of that rat poison poured inside their brew
Electric chairs have got guys frying
Then I guide folks who’re attacked by monkeys
Bringing guys and cars that are killed by driving

The Grim Reaper
Don’t enjoy being brand new death
Chinese toys make more work for death
At the bar, Drunks are hit with a (punch, punch)

The Grim Reaper
No decoy it’s your real death
Ate bok choi and you choked to death
You discard your life and get death

Off to Heaven or Hell it’s up to me to choose
Cause God and Satan have too much to do
When you swim out too deep, but the lifeguards flirtin’
Ate by a shark and your blood is squirtin’
Doesn’t matter how, but your always hurtin’

Try to look at it from this guy’s point of view
I’m drug out of bed, just because you had the flu
I never once asked for this job selection
My life wasn’t good, nor bad just decent
Is this because my favorite band’s Led Zeppelin?

The Grim Reaper
Can’t get Roy to work as new Death
I’m deployed with the job of Death
Went to Mars and got zapped with a (zip, zip)

The Grim Reaper
Grumbled “Oy” when you made me Death
Should avoid working as new Death
Smoking weed will bring you to death

The Grim Reaper
Why’s this boy picked to replace Death?
Hear my voice “Find another Death!”
Rammed your car right into a (crunch, crunch)

The Grim Reaper
Get mere coins with this job of Death
Pulled my groin in these robes of Death
Stuck in tar dinosaurs found death

Now, Whenever you’re slain
You’ll lie there till I come
While you may be glum cause you’d rather be liv---ing
Well, You’ll just hear me say
“At least you’re not me, dude”

You might be depressed
Come and take a test
To see where you would fit best, fit best, fit best
Fit best, fit best, fit best

The Grim Reaper
I rejoice you now work as Death!
This is “Noice!” I am done as Death!
Hit the bar order beers and (chug, chug)

The Grim Reaper
Gals get moist when they see you Death!
They make noise when their seeing Death!
(Won’t get far cause they’re scared of Death)

The Grim Reaper
Show some poise, Do not freak out Death!
Try some ploys to make them fear Death!
Look bizarre and make them all (scream, scream)

The Grim Reaper
You’ll enjoy working job as Death!
While employed at the Gates of Death!
(Rhyming’s hard, Done with the song of Death)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Matthias - February 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Two corrections: "Weed" should have been "Pot" because it fits the rhyme, and the "The" should have been removed from the line "Rhyming's Hard, Done With The Song Of Death", because it's not paced as tightly as I would have liked it, but other than that everything's the way I want it.
Below Average Dave - February 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Matthias, I disagree with remove "the" from the line because it's grammatically sacrificed by doing so. . .it could be forced to work, it's one quick syllable, but you could replace "Done With The" with "No More" if you want to be perfect. . .regardless of the last line in the song, this was really funny (though Weed through me off as a rhyme, but you explained that in your comment). . .good job on a deceivingly hard OS from our Epic 40.
Agrimorfee - February 21, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) ROTFL! This was extremely difficult to do, so I won't bother with nitpicks I had with it (like how it started collapsing toward the end). But wow... I mean Wow, what a great sub for the title, the chorus, and ingenious sound effects where they were needed. put this as your #2 best ever, after the Calvin & Hobbes tune.
Matthias - February 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Yeah... That ending was hard, I was running out of "-Oy" rhymes in the 3rd chorus... Very tough song, thanks for giving me the 5 points in Artistry, Aggy... But I just wanted to state my case on the conclusion, and also a big thank you to Below Average Dave as well.
Guy - March 01, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4N) - Ain't none of us getting out of here alive. Lots of work went into this. DKTOS but I listened to the youtube OS and followed along as best I could. Can't say that I'd ever try to parody this - you are a better man than me Matt.
Below Average Dave - March 01, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4N) As I said before this was a difficult OS to take on. . .One thing I didn't point out the first time around was the choruses stress odd to me. . .I stumble a lot trying to sing it, it paces but by force. . .I definitely think you made the right choice as far as your SOTM entry having given this a very thorough read/sing now. . .it's good, but I don't think it's quite up to your other recent Epic 40 songs.
bobpiecheese - March 02, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4) I actually know this song...and this parody was pretty good. The choruses seemed a tad repetitive (I'm pretty sure there are other words that rhyme with death), but the rest was great. And you said monkeys, which just ices the cake ;)
stuart mcarthur - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4) "Chinese toys make more work for death" was a great line Stove (er, Matthias) and I don't know the OS, but I'm way impressed by how impressed everyone is with the way you handled it - 555
Invisible Boy - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4N)Tremendous effort Matthias. It reminds me of a Simpson's episode where Homer becomes the Grim Reaper. Yes, I know you've seen it. I can picture you as Homer singing this song.
Kristof Robertson - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4N) Holy frickin' frijolies, Matty! (This contest is going to be a byatch to vote on). Fave lines: When you swim out too deep, but the lifeguards flirtin’ Ate by a shark and your blood is squirtin’ The whole concept of reaper-ing being a chore is inherently funny, and you cracked the OS like a nut. 555

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