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Song Parodies -> "Dirty Dishes"

Original Song Title:

"Bootylicious"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Destiny's Child

Parody Song Title:

"Dirty Dishes"

Parody Written by:

EmiLoca

The Lyrics

After doing a mere hour of volunteer work at the local soup kitchen, I realized something. Washing dishes really, really sucks. And then I went back the next day, and the day after that...for the next month, only to find that community service hours were no longer a requirement for graduation. A tribute to the tedious chore.
Sunlight™, can you handle this?
Cascade™, can you handle this?
Palmolive™, can you handle this?
Food-filled sink. Bacon? Scandalous!

Soggy food makes me cry
Chores are vexing, dishes dried
Greasy bits flicked aside
Peas sprayed out of sight
Spotted meat goes down the drain
Dishes marred in disarray
Never want this, I'm so mad
With my Brillo™, Brillo pad

I couldn't get much wetter, and my pruny hands are quite the fright
Can't I get off work early, 'cause the por-ce-lain is gleaming white
Liquid drips all on me; it looks like I just peed
Drain, strain, sprain your wrist from washing
Ask for a break, you said "Shut up", don't care for me
Cleaning remains of a grimy bake-off...

Scrubbing off the bread, éclairs and jelly
Cake and moldy headcheese from a wedding
Sanitary lifestyle I miss
Cause I'm always doin' dirty dishes for ya babe

Hands are raw and red, my face is sweaty
Washing off the shreds of cold spaghetti
I do think I'm ready to quit
Cause I'm sick of doin' dirty dishes - get a maid!

Comet™, can you handle this?
Rite Aid™, can you handle this?
Ajax™, can you handle this?
I don't think I can move my wrist!

Cleaning liquid makes me cough
Scrape down pots of lard
Clean the drips, dump the fries
Keep my job? Keep the guise.
Pleasant smile, hairnet on
Working with each squirt of Dawn™
Look over your shoulder, I blow off the gist
Can't you tell it makes me pissed?

Never get a chance to watch the telly
Splotches of the red sauce on my belly
I don't think I'll get my first kiss
Cause I'm always doin' dirty dishes, so ashamed

Scared to go outside, embarassed - really!
Always doing dishes, always smelly
My life has no meaning - screw this,
Cause I'm always doin' dirty dishes, oh, how lame!

Move your washrag up and down (squeak!)
Don't let dishes hit the ground (crash!)
I can't help but wonder why (huh?)
Has my job made me sadistic towards you, babe?

I've hit the bottom, there's no advance
So I'll drink from the sink, I'll slip into a trance
I'm deeper than a pothole in the middle of the road
Please give me a hug - what? ANOTHER LOAD?!?

(Prat fall)

In the kitchen, dead, beside the telly
Much like Frankenstein (by Mary Shelley)
Undergoing rigor mortis
I just di-ed doin' dirty dishes for ya babe...
Dedicated to KaviR, aka "dang...*five minutes later*...tired". We'll miss you.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   7
 7
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Apricot - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
*still drunk from scotch* Great! Maybe it's just a mixture of the scotch and marijuana in my system, but I gave this one all fives...... Songs that match the pacing and maintain their humor are so great.... Just like scotch..... And marijuana...... *passes out*
Jess - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
ok its an ok parody, it meets the pacing original, but the topic was awful
Ashkicksass - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I thought it was great!
EmiLoca - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Ashkicksass (do you know how hard that is to type?). Hey Apricot? Lay off the scotch, dear. Maybe then you'll be more wise in your voting. You know, give it a more reasonable score, like...a 2-1-1. *cries* Was my pacing THAT bad?
Apricot - June 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Never! Scotch is my only friend! It never yells at me, or criticizes my parodies, unlike that jerk Icy! I HATE YOU ICY! CURSE YOU ICY! *takes more scotch to ease the pain* God, why am I such a horrible person?
Michael Pacholek - June 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Loca: The song is a four, but the title is a five. Apricot: In 1931, Ogden Nash wrote, "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." In 1968, he updated it: "Pot is not." I hope that calms you down. I wouldn't want you to be an Apricot Sour.
Apricot - June 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Who mentioned Apricot Sours? I sure do love alcohol! *takes another bottle or two*
Tibbygirl - June 13, 2004 - Report this comment
*takes the scotch away* En-uff!!! Honestly, pull yourself together man!!! No more of this "Waa, waa, look at me, I'm so sad and lonely and PATHETIC" If ya really feel that way, then I recommend that you give my friend mikaela a ring and I'm sure you two will be the bestest of friends. now go!!!!!
Apricot - June 13, 2004 - Report this comment
You're right! I have to find Mikaela! Let me know where I can talk to her, and I will have her ring! *slams down bottle of scotch he was hiding in pages of his Bible* Mikaela, here I come! Well, once I know where to find you, of course!
EmiLoca - June 13, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm glad you liked the parody, Tibbygirl. Oh wait...you didn't COMMENT ON IT.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
It was swell, dear. Here, have a hug and first kiss. *smooch* Yecch, you taste like bubbles and tartar sauce! 5-5-5 and love the product placement.
Tibbygirl - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
I apologize....but I just had to intervene. I'm sure you understand........ me likes the parody. Very clever. And since I'm the dishwasher in my house (as well as the floorwasher, the windowwasher, the vacuum cleaner-runner, and multiple others) I can very much relate. Good job....
EmiLoca - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, TibbyGirl. I'm sure you're an excellent...that. As for JARLB: I'd blush, but the pallid, white-gray color of my skin would not compliment the pink. And I don't remember any tartar sauce. Maybe that taste would be the bile building up on my tongue.
Tibbygirl - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
EWWWWWW
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
So when you speak are you 'Bile-lingual'? *cowers in shame*
EmiLoca - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Actually, I am. (How's THAT to ruin your cheese-infused humor with an actual factual remark! Booyah!)
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Oui? Parlez-vous francais? J'ai tres bete et je n'aime pas les languages bile-ingual, mais j'etudie les francais pour m'amusement.
EmiLoca - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Je parle francais egalement, et c'est tres amusement. En outre, vous etes ma chienne.
Apricot - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Quit it! I don't know Dutch!
Saider E. - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Awesome parody. wish i tought of this idea. im angry now! Naw. all 5s
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Err... ok, I can do this... you speak French too and it is very amusing. Besides... I AM YOUR BITCH. Il est bien, etre au fait du mon statut. (I have no idea how grammatically correct that is) And Apricot may not know Dutch but he certainly knows scotch! Eh? MEH?!
EmiLoca - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
I not only speak French, I do pretty much everything French. You know, like French...braid. My main bile-language would have to be Spanish, though. Anyway, Apricot can be ma chienne as well, as long as he shares his alcohol.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
*stifles EmiLoca with a swift kick in the shins* Sshhh! I just got Apricot off the booze, don't mention it around sensitive ears!
Apricot - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Who said booze?
Apricot - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
I SAID, who said booze? No! No, must control, alcoholic, impulses! No, must, do, it, for, any, chance, at, social, life, gained, friends, don't, lose!!!!!! Some one give me something else to concentrate on! I don't care what it is, as long as it's not alcohol!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Emergency cheese injection! Cheddar! Edam! Camembert! And 50ccs of Swiss, stat!
EmiLoca - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey, gimme that cheese! You owe me! *snatches, leaving Apricot to writhe in helpless hangover*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
*jabs stick of Brie into Apricot's heart*
EmiLoca - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
*dodges streams of blood*
Apricot - June 18, 2004 - Report this comment
SURPRISE, EMILOCA! I HAVE NO BLOOD! What you just dodged was actually a collection of molten lead and the souls of children. I also have NO HEART! That of which you stabbed was a toddler that I've been keeping in my fishing-jacket pocket just for this kind of occasion. *Pulls out 2 really sharp pieces of steel* Aiiiiight, MY TURN!
EmiLoca - June 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh, goodness! That's disgusting, Ape. *glances at steel* I mean, that's perfectly normal! No, really, I have toddlers in my pockets all the time! *holds up trash bags* Do these count as pockets?
Apricot - June 19, 2004 - Report this comment
No, they do not. I use live children as shields, so that small children get stabbed more often. And why were you under the assumption I function on human organs? I hate kids, in case you didn't notice.
JARLB - June 20, 2004 - Report this comment
I actually have an affinity towards young goats. *cranium slapped.....NOW* Come, Emi! Let us leap into this conveniently located sink filled with foam to hide from the eeevil primate in a cot made of rye.
Apricot - June 21, 2004 - Report this comment
WHAT did you just call me? *pulls out additional piece of sharp steel- except this one has a mean looking German Sheperd dog at the end, barking and whatnot*
EmiLoca - June 21, 2004 - Report this comment
*from inside the sink* It's too dark in here. ALL RIGHT, WHO'S GRABBIN' MY THIGH?
German Sheperd Dog - June 22, 2004 - Report this comment
*makes scary barking noises*
German Sheperd Dog - June 22, 2004 - Report this comment
*continues to make scary barking noises*
German Sheperd Dog - June 22, 2004 - Report this comment
*leaves. Wanders on to other board*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 23, 2004 - Report this comment
OK Emi, I think it's safe. I managed to throttle the dog to death. Why, my hands are still around its supple, tender throat as I speak... oh, hang on... is that a thigh?
EmiLoca - June 23, 2004 - Report this comment
It's not MY thigh...uh oh. That must be the unused, decaying raw pork loin I forgot to put down the disposal.
Tibbygirl - June 23, 2004 - Report this comment
*hiding in the fridge, whispering to self* They'll never find me in here. Oooo, look......a jar of mayonaisse....mmm. And here! A nice piece of cheese.....and some ketchup packets.....and....OOO!!!! A FUDGE BROWNIE!!! TIBBYGIRL HAS HIT THE JACKPOT!!!! *munches on brownie, feeling satisfied*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Yecch, I had to put that decaying raw pork in the fridge to hide its awful fudge- brownie-like odour.
Apricot - June 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Brownies are awesome! I WANT SOME! *attacks*
Tibbygirl - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Um, Apricot, get off me. Besides, your DOG just ate my brownie. And now there's only this strangely odd shaped brownie-like substance. So take it. Wash it down with this....hey, when did they start making green milk?
Apricot - July 11, 2004 - Report this comment
DOG? Why, dog, why? *shakes violently*
Apricot - July 11, 2004 - Report this comment
HOLD ON THERE ONE MINUTE! I just looked up what "ma chienne" means. *wheels in cannon* This cannon LOOKS ordinary, but it's loaded with a mixture of gunpowder, firecrackers, and an angry redneck with a gun. FIRE!
Carmem Miranda (from the Lemonade parody) - November 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Really Cool!!! The best bootylicious parody ever!!
ParodyGarden - November 03, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm going to do an amazing super-rare thing and actually comment on the parody, not dogs and thighs and...yeah, anyway, I LOVED the topic, I HATE doing dishes, and the pacing was beautiful. I'm going to look at more of your stuff.
Queentoria - December 15, 2004 - Report this comment
I loved It.
Carmem Miranda - July 08, 2006 - Report this comment
That's a great parody, one of the best DC's parodies

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