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Song Parodies -> "If I Wrote The Songs"

Original Song Title:

"If I'm Not The One"

Original Performer:

Daniel Bedingfield

Parody Song Title:

"If I Wrote The Songs"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Firstly, an apology: if by writing this parody I cause anybody to listen to the heap of pathetic insincere twaddle that is the original song, I am sorry to put you through this...
If I wrote the songs the chart that you're looking at today
If I wrote the songs it would be different in every way
If the words were mine no chance they'd be so overrated
If the words were mine, I wouldn't be so sex-fixated

You never know, but if people sing
The words I've written here and now
I'd make you laugh
And I hope you'd chuck this current shite in the bin

I don't want to hear no more cause I can't take it, I don't understand
Why do people spend their money on tripe, like it's some kind of scam
Is there any way I can open their eyes?

If I wrote the songs then what you're hearing now, it just might
If I wrote the songs - it might be more than cliché-ridden shite
If the words were mine, songs would have humour and mirthful wit
If the words were mine, not that misogynistic bullshit

I don't know why they're all so bad
But I know that this much is true
A hopeless crew
And I hope that there's someone to make it funny
And I wish for songs I could sing on the dunny
And I'd laugh if it were me who made the money
I hope they all would just shut up

I don't want to hear no more cause I can't take it, I don't understand
Why do people spend their money on crap, like it's some kind of scam
Is there any way I can open their eyes?

But the shit that hits the fan only hits the one who's flinging it
And the only soul in the song is the arsehole who is singing it
And I hate it, whether I'm wrong or right
And though the songs today are shite
I'll stop ere I'm too impolite

I don't want to hear no more cause I can't take it, I don't understand
Why do people spend their money on tripe, like it's some kind of scam
Is there any way I can open their eyes?

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   1
 1
 1
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - July 16, 2003 - Report this comment
What.. lousy votes and no comments? I'd have thought the line
"And the only soul in the song is the arsehole who is singing it"
would have been worth a couple of 5s on its own... and not to mention a sympathy vote for actually having to listen to Mr Bedingfield whine (to use the word "sing" would be stretching things a bit). Ah, well..
Melhi - July 16, 2003 - Report this comment
I've never heard the original, Phil and, now, I'm afraid to hear it. I asked one of my pre-teen kids if she knew the song and her response wasn't so much "yes" as a grimace and a review about as glowing as yours. So, rather than sustain permanent damage by finding it and having a listen, I'm going to guess that you did quite well on pacing. If I'm wrong, you owe me a 5 on something I didn't quite nail. ;) The line you cited is my fave, btw.
Phil - July 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Pacing-wise it's spot on syllable count, but not always perfect on intonation (i.e. you'd be stressing a different word to the way DB sings his lines - but I can live with that)
Jeff Reuben - July 16, 2003 - Report this comment
I don't know the original...yet, so I'll have to get back to you. Lyrics are good.
Spaff.com - July 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Ditto Jeff's comment. And don't let a few disappointing votes get you down - you write some great stuff.
Phil Alexander - July 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Jeff and Spaff - please don't think you've got to go and listen to it on my account: I'd rather not get the votes than subject folks to this kind of semi-musical torture ;-)

Thanks for the kind words, Spaff - don't worry a few lousy votes don't get me down... I just thought that this one was worthy of better: thanks to everyone who's voted since, as they must have been all 5s :-)
Jeff Reuben - July 17, 2003 - Report this comment
I need to listen to stuff just to find a song written after 2000 for the contest (preferably not Avril)
Nerfman - January 11, 2004 - Report this comment
phil the lyrics are great... some of them are quite funny to me, so keep it up! :-)
Phil Alexander - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks.... must admit I was more than a little bit shocked and horrified to hear that the original was in the running for "Single of the Year" - honestly, I do not think I've ever parodied a worse song, possibly never even heard a worse one.
Chick101 - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
The original is a sweet song. And he wrote the song. And I think he should make a parody on your parody. Half your lines don't even make sense. Jealousy is an ugly thing, hon.
Phil Alexander - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Half my lines don't make sense? Which half would that be, pray? Sorry, Chick101, but just 'cause you probably have some liking for Mr Bedingfield, it doesn't mean that the original song *isn't* a load of insincere, cliché-ridden tripe. I ain't jealous, hon... I couldn't find it in me to be jealous of something *that* bad.

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