If I wrote the songs the chart that you're looking at today
If I wrote the songs it would be different in every way
If the words were mine no chance they'd be so overrated
If the words were mine, I wouldn't be so sex-fixated

You never know, but if people sing
The words I've written here and now
I'd make you laugh
And I hope you'd chuck this current shite in the bin

I don't want to hear no more cause I can't take it, I don't understand
Why do people spend their money on tripe, like it's some kind of scam
Is there any way I can open their eyes?

If I wrote the songs then what you're hearing now, it just might
If I wrote the songs - it might be more than cliché-ridden shite
If the words were mine, songs would have humour and mirthful wit
If the words were mine, not that misogynistic bullshit

I don't know why they're all so bad
But I know that this much is true
A hopeless crew
And I hope that there's someone to make it funny
And I wish for songs I could sing on the dunny
And I'd laugh if it were me who made the money
I hope they all would just shut up

I don't want to hear no more cause I can't take it, I don't understand
Why do people spend their money on crap, like it's some kind of scam
Is there any way I can open their eyes?

But the shit that hits the fan only hits the one who's flinging it
And the only soul in the song is the arsehole who is singing it
And I hate it, whether I'm wrong or right
And though the songs today are shite
I'll stop ere I'm too impolite

I don't want to hear no more cause I can't take it, I don't understand
Why do people spend their money on tripe, like it's some kind of scam
Is there any way I can open their eyes?